Responsive women use fantasy to achieve arousal alone
Sexual activity is typically described in terms of physical stimulation. The idea that the brain needs to have an empathic response to eroticism is rarely mentioned. This is because we can see physical activity but we cannot know what is happening inside another person’s head. No one (not even a man) can orgasm if their
Reaching orgasm
Rose was a pretty woman even in her late forties. Despite being a mother and housewife she always achieved a classy presentation. Rose told me: “Although I masturbated as a youngster (from 14) it was never to orgasm. My first orgasm was by accident. It happened at 17 with a boyfriend – not during penetrative sex
How we know that the vagina is not a sex organ
Orgasm is a primitive and fundamental response of the human body because male orgasm triggers ejaculation, which is vital for reproduction. Male orgasm involves the brain (which responds to erotic stimuli by increasing blood flow to the genitals) and the penis. The penis and the clitoris develop from the genital tubercle in the foetus. They
The mind responds to erotic stimuli: concepts or objects
No boy reaches puberty and consciously decides to be aroused by girls. It just happens. If it doesn’t, he may have a very low sex drive. If a boy is aroused by boys, he is probably homosexual. If a boy is aroused by both sexes, he may be bisexual. No one consciously chooses what concepts
How women enjoy eroticism through sex stories
Most heterosexual women do not masturbate. They also do not find the concepts of eroticism or fantasy that appealing. So who reads all the feminine erotica out there? Presumably some lesbian women masturbate and read erotica. In fact, female masturbation and clitoral stimulation are often associated with lesbianism. Perhaps this is why so much female
Women’s orgasm claims do not result in more sex
Let’s imagine, for a moment, that men and women experience the same level of responsiveness ( orgasm frequency). Even so, responsiveness varies between individuals. There would inevitably be times when one lover or the other wanted more sex. There would be many complaints from women of all ages that they were not getting enough sex.
Research Papers
I have written the following papers to set out my research methodology and to share my work with the scientific community. They explain how...
Women who use fantasy for sexual arousal
I have never been a romantic. But recently, I must have gone soft in the head because I now enjoy romantic dramas. I admire the hero’s masculinity, his body (admittedly fully clothed) and his portrayal of restrained sex drive. Romance may make a woman amenable to sex but I have not found that it helps
Women are often unsure about orgasm during sex
If intercourse caused female orgasm, there wouldn’t be a mystery that needed researching in the first place. Any scientific account of female responsiveness has to be able to explain why female orgasm was such a secret for so long. The fact that women are capable of orgasm was highlighted by scientists. If female orgasm occurred
Men’s sexual knowledge is acquired from pornography
Today we have no official account of human sexuality. So men’s sexual knowledge of how women enjoy sexual pleasure (how women are assumed to achieve orgasm) comes from pornography or other fictional sources intended to cause arousal. For example, so-called squirting is completely fictional. Women cannot ejaculate. Similarly, the female breast is no more capable
Sharing sexual fantasies
Although I knew that women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies during masturbation, when I approached orgasm during sex, I never considered using sexual fantasies to generate sexual arousal. The presence of another person makes it impossible to achieve the mental focus needed to reach orgasm through fantasy alone. “Women also often find it easier
Women are naturally sexually passive with a lover
Imagine a woman who responds like a man. She is highly aroused from the start. She strips her lover naked to see his genitals. She caresses and kisses her lover’s body from head to toe. She makes love to his penis and provides amazing oral sex. Where would the human race be now if women
Women do not masturbate as a substitute for intercourse
Male responsiveness declines very gradually from adolescence onwards. Few men masturbate regularly by the age of 50. At any age most men only masturbate in the absence of an offer of penetrative sex. It is a subtle point but masturbation clearly fulfils quite different functions for men and women. Male masturbation is primarily a kind
Women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies
Real female orgasms involve the release of sexual emotions not romantic feelings. So it does not matter how much you love your partner, orgasm will not materialise out of thin air. Orgasm requires at least a few naughty thoughts from time to time, so if your conscience is as clear as a nun’s then you
The receiver of intercourse need not be aroused
Alfred Kinsey concluded that female masturbation provided the most convincing evidence for female orgasm. Kinsey found that lesbians and responsive women had orgasms on average around once every 2 to 3 weeks. Even though they did not obtain the correct stimulation (of the clitoris), women who claimed to orgasm from intercourse reported higher orgasm frequencies.
Mental arousal must always precede physical stimulation
The only reason women are assumed to orgasm without ever being mentally aroused is because most women are unaware of what is involved in sexual response. They observe men and conclude that only physical stimulation is required to achieve orgasm. Women overlook the significance of a man having an erection. They are oblivious to (or
Not every woman enjoys eroticism
Most girls probably read romantic stories but not everyone is comfortable with the more explicitly sexual nature of erotic stories, which help a woman develop the sexual fantasies that lead to orgasm. Our sexual fantasies represent the aspects of sex that we find most arousing and hence most taboo. “Although every child learns that pretending
Intercourse is totally defined by male responses
Men have much more confidence over sexual matters than women because sex revolves around male responses . A man’s arousal motivates him to initiate sexual activity. His desire for penetration ensures that he wants to obtain sexual opportunities with a partner. His erection makes penetrative sex possible. But his orgasm ends his interest in engaging
Female sexuality is defined by men and their fantasies
Men’s acute arousal ensures that they approach sex with a clear agenda. Women are not aroused, which is why they talk about emotional sensations. [i] Whether in real life or in pornography a woman provides an orifice (mouth, vagina or anus) for a man to ejaculate into. Women rarely demonstrate sexual initiative. For example, they
Arousal comes from appreciating eroticism
Our ability to become sexually aroused through an appreciation of eroticism is a normal as well as a necessary part of human sexuality. Sex (male arousal and orgasm in particular) leads to family and yet hypocritically, while family is encouraged, sex remains taboo. Young boys learn about orgasm through masturbation because an erect penis is
How we know that women do not have a sex drive
Women’s dislike of eroticism means that men learn to keep their responses to themselves. Men’s embarrassment over communicating their sexual needs (due to the disgust women express over sexual urges) contributes to the confusion over female sexuality. Women can claim to have a sex drive because men never explain in explicit and graphic detail what
Our biological motivation to enjoy arousal and orgasm
There is a precedent for female masturbation in the animal world. Some female mammals do masturbate but since they do not ejaculate it is difficult to establish that female mammals stimulate themselves to orgasm. Misconception #4: Because of the male experience, it is incorrectly assumed that women have a sex drive to achieve orgasm. Women
How to give a woman an orgasm during sex
The suggestion is that for the perfect sex life a woman just needs to find the right man: usually a loving and considerate partner, who will, of course, know how to give her an orgasm. Self-evidently a woman needs a considerate lover if intercourse is to be a love-making act otherwise it is simply rape.
Sex drive: a need to ejaculate through intercourse
Male sex drive arises from the build-up of sexual tension (through regular arousal). Men may be able to relieve tension to a degree by masturbating. But ultimately intercourse provides the most satisfying way for men to release their sexual emotions. This is a natural consequence of our reproductive biology. There is no point in men
Similarities between male and female responsiveness
The similarities between male and female responsiveness include: Mental arousal must always precede physical stimulation; The mind responds to erotic stimuli: concepts or objects; Orgasm is a one-off release followed by a recovery period; Orgasm involves identifying with the penetrating male; The same organ, the erectile phallus, is involved in orgasm; Orgasm is achieved by
Clitoral stimulation is not everything
As long ago as the 1950s the clitoris, and not the vagina, was acknowledged to be the origin of female orgasm. So that by the 1960s when Masters and Johnson explained female orgasm from intercourse alone, it was in terms of women finding positions and techniques for sexual intercourse that maximise the indirect clitoral stimulation
Intercourse is an act of mating and impregnation
Sexuality is about the act of mating. Humans do not have sex simply in order to reproduce. We also have sex to enjoy pleasure (recreation) and intimacy, which creates the emotional bonding that keeps couples committed to each other over the years needed to support a family (deferred reproduction). For most animals, a male fertilises
Understanding women’s sexual and emotional needs
Sadly, researchers are often just as impressed with far-fetched accounts of female orgasm as the general public. Academics debate pure conjecture such as female ejaculation (copious quantities of vaginal juices produced by aroused females) based on age-old male fantasies and up-suck of sperm (pelvic contractions supposedly arising from so-called vaginal orgasms) as if they are
Clitoral stimulation
William Masters and Virginia Johnson’s research in the 1960s focused on intercourse but even they acknowledged that the clitoris is the source of female orgasm (NOT the vagina as is often assumed). To explain female orgasm during intercourse, they suggested that the hood of the clitoris is pulled each time the penis thrusts into the
Sexual pleasure: how responsive women reach orgasm
It is often assumed that every woman masturbates just as every man (96%) does. Yet there are no research findings to support this view. Alfred Kinsey found that a few [i] women (20%) masturbate regularly but not necessarily to orgasm. Most of these women only try masturbation for a few years. Kinsey’s research indicated that
Orgasm during sex
Unfortunately, modern day sexology is not a science based on facts and logic but more a collection of beliefs and opinions. One expert will claim that all women orgasm by the age of 19; another asserts 30. Some say that clitoral stimulation is needed for orgasm and others that clitoral stimulation is irrelevant to female
Rejection of research based on talking to women
The value in using statistical sampling techniques (that attempt to ensure that the sample is representative of the general population), is that the finding can be applied to a much bigger population than the original sample. However, conclusions can only be extended to the population if the research is based on individuals who are selected
Women depend on a lover to stimulate them to orgasm
Everyone applauds the idea that a man should care about his partner’s orgasm. [i] But orgasm is an instinctive response to eroticism that occurs in our own brain not our partner’s. When a couple’s sex life falls apart, therapists focus on issues in the wider relationship rather than discuss sexual techniques. This is because sex
What if female sexuality truly equalled male sexuality?
Imagine the scenario: a man and a woman facing each other, naked, in a world where men and women have an identical sex drive. So, of course, they are both standing there with an erection. Just to be clear: the man has an erect penis and the woman has an erect clitoris. Would they mutually
Platonic love is just as powerful as sexual love
When sexual performance is discussed, the sexual ego, bravado and general unpleasantness that is so often displayed is due to insecurities. Everyone wants to be admired, to be thought normal and preferably to be a good performer. But orgasm is a personal pleasure. It has nothing to do with providing pleasure for another person. Men
Men may get more sex if they are willing to be realistic
Only some men like to offer their partners any form of foreplay. Other men (probably the majority) prefer to head straight for the joys of intercourse.[i] Because men are much more promiscuous than women on average, it is often assumed that all men are promiscuous. Many men think about having sex with various women throughout
Lack of arousal during sex
Intimacy with a lover causes me to feel affectionate but I am rarely conscious of any sexual arousal. Whether it’s sex with a partner, or masturbation for that matter, I am usually pretty much stone cold in arousal terms at the start. I might conclude that I am frigid if it were not for the
The romantic pleasure a woman enjoys from sex
In modern times we talk of sexual partners but in the past, heterosexuals more often talked of lovers. Women do not think of sex in terms of the erotic turn-ons and genital stimulation as men do. Women think of sex in terms of a man’s sexual passion in romantic scenarios. A man’s desire is communicated
Welcome to Love Sex Intimacy!
Jane talks about ‘Exploring Sex Play’ with accompanying slides to download! I read a great deal as I was growing up and books often portray ideals rather than reality. Even as a teenager, I had questions about sex. When I had intercourse for the first time, at the age of eighteen, I already knew what
Women’s sexual dysfunction
Although many sources refer to women’s ‘sexual dysfunction’, it is rare to find a definition of what is supposed to be sexually ‘normal’ for women in the first place. Sex involves both reproduction and sexual pleasure. So in reproductive terms, a man could be described as sexually dysfunctional if he cannot impregnate a female (male
Women drive the need for dating and romance
Without sex, there may be friendship between adults but there is little physical intimacy. Heterosexual women are dependent on men to provide this sense of connection with another adult. Platonic love is caring and affectionate. Sexual love (or reciprocating sexual love) can be more intensely emotional in the beginning. Women experience this emotional reward initially
Women substitute sexual behaviours for responsiveness
Many people are outraged by the suggestion that anyone might misrepresent women’s sexuality or exaggerate female responsiveness. Yet in other areas of the human experience, adults tell lies or bend the truth all the time. Human beings are often more concerned with impressing or influencing others than with any principle as prosaic as the truth.
How to orgasm
Shere Hite explained how women apply orgasm techniques in order to orgasm during intercourse. Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic and so women have to learn how to orgasm. Inevitably, such techniques take time to develop. “… the two reasons women don’t orgasm during intercourse are: (1) they are given false information, specifically
Women do not need to be like men to be valid
Sex educators think women need to be educated about masturbation and the clitoris. Yet no man ever needs to be told about masturbation and the penis. No one considers that this behaviour (of not masturbating) might be quite normal for women. We do not orgasm because we are given information. A responsive woman does not
The function of foreplay is to assist with female arousal
Men are proactive lovers because of their arousal. Men enjoy exploring women’s bodies because it is arousing for them. Foreplay existed well before any knowledge of the clitoris. A woman allows a man to stimulate her to the boundaries of her sense of propriety. I was just as passive with a lover as any other
The facts of female sexuality
Shere Hite pointed out in 1976 that intercourse does not provide the specific clitoral stimulation that women need to orgasm. So, it is very likely that any woman who claims easy orgasm during intercourse is mistaken. Especially given so few women masturbate and so most do not know what orgasm is. Women’s talk of the
Ego means men overlook what women contribute
Prostitutes must have more sexual experience than even the most promiscuous of men. But a prostitute is never called a great lover. Men attribute all the skill and the effort of intercourse to themselves rather than to a woman. Men assume that women are merely the ungrateful recipients of the amazing sexual pleasure that men
Many men prefer intercourse and never offer any foreplay
The men with the highest overall orgasm frequencies throughout their lives are the less educated (those who are not educated beyond high school).[i] Some men focus on enjoying their own responsiveness rather than a lover’s arousal. Their self-absorption makes them relatively oblivious to a lover’s perspective, who is relieved of any need to exaggerate her
Most women are not aiming for orgasm through genital stimulation
Some women refer to ‘making love’ because the term more accurately describes their motives in terms of loving emotions rather than as an explicit sex drive. Modern expectations cause some women to talk about their sexual experiences (whatever they are) in terms of arousal and orgasm. Some women knowingly fake orgasm but there is almost
Men’s sex drive can cause them to be insensitive
Men’s sex drive motivates them to take the sexual initiative. Men are foremost attracted to body parts but they also like a lover who is sexually amenable, which means passive rather than asserting her own needs. Women give sex as a means of demonstrating affection. When a woman feels emotionally attracted to a man, she
Intercourse stimulates only the penetrator’s sex organ
Men, both gay and straight, can enjoy the intensely pleasurable sensations of anal penetration, when combined with appropriate lubrication and a sensitive lover. But usually male orgasm still relies on penile stimulation. [i] To be capable of penetration the penis must be erect, so a man must be aroused. But the receiver of intercourse never
Understanding the G-spot
The Gräfenberg Spot, or G-Spot, has been surrounded by controversy ever since its ‘discovery’ only decades ago. Some women may have one about an inch or so (2-5cm) up in the front wall of the vagina. The G-spot is believed to be an erogenous zone which when stimulated can lead to high levels of sexual
Sex is an emotional bonding mechanism for men
For men, sex is like a magic pill that makes the world seem more positive. Some men look to women as a distraction from everyday life. Sex represents an escape from the real world into fantasy. Sex can also be a form of male entertainment. Sex does not fulfil the same function for women. A
Women are proactive lovers due to their own arousal
We often hear sex educators blaming men for ignoring women’s presumed sexual needs. But why are women so incapable of obtaining their own sexual satisfaction? Why are men responsible for defining women’s pleasure? In porn we see women pleasuring a lover and, in turn, being pleasured. The pleasuring appears to be mutual. But while male
Real female orgasms
In the film ‘Private Benjamin’, a group of female army recruits sits around a campfire during an overnight exercise. One of the women says: “I had an orgasm once…” and the others giggle. She goes on to say in a disappointed tone “…but I was alone!” Her girlfriends laugh sympathetically. In the film, Goldie Hawn
Men’s sexual satisfaction relies on having a lover
The key purpose of sex is to effect reproduction, which is done via intercourse. So men’s sexuality has to include a need to engage in sexual activity with a partner. Male responsiveness is required for intercourse to be possible and their orgasm triggers the reproductive event (ejaculation of sperm). Women’s sexuality does not have the
Some men hope that sexual pleasuring can be mutual
Society often implies that sex (like smoking and drinking) is a sign of maturity and worldliness. Films portray prostitutes as beautiful and classy young women offering a variety of sexual pleasuring techniques. Sadly, the run-of-the-mill prostitute does not provide ‘dinner with a show’. [i] She feels no obligation to fake her presumed pleasure in return
The ‘non-genital’ female orgasm
In response to my suggestion that it was ridiculous to suggest that a man can give a woman an orgasm, a man wrote: “My wife is consistently orgasmic. They are obviously not faked. She can’t fake the cries, the involuntary movements, the demands for more stimulation, and everything else that goes with orgasm. I’ve offered
Sexual attraction and commitment to a relationship
Especially in the early days of a romance, both sexes can feel an electric thrill from touching, hearing or seeing a lover. We have a desire to be physically close and to hold them. For women this is an emotional thrill but for men, the desire is genitally focused and includes sexual arousal. When we
Confusion over anatomy only arises with a male lover
Men’s orgasm techniques are consistent regardless of sexual orientation. Once his mind is triggered by a turn-on, a man stimulates his penis whether he engages in masturbation, oral sex or intercourse. Only the anatomy of their lover dictates whether men engage in vaginal or anal intercourse. Women’s orgasm techniques are much less consistent. Notably, behaviours
Enjoying sexual pleasure
When it was suggested recently that UK schools should explain the role of the clitoris, mothers were up in arms. They objected to their daughters knowing that a girl might find it pleasurable later in her life to touch her clitoris. There was no uproar over boys’ genitals. Were the boys also told that their
Understanding the value of non-sexual intimacy
Sexuality is about our emotions and how we feel loved in our relationships with others. Although sex is often described in terms of eroticism, many people also look for emotional rewards. If we grow up within a family, we have a sense of connection with those around us. Children need their parents to care for
Women are constantly aroused and orgasmic with a lover
People are amazed when I question the orgasms actresses are portrayed as having in pornography. They cannot believe that anyone would doubt the fiction. Yet porn is clearly a male masturbation tool. Pornography involves portraying male fantasies that help men reach orgasm when they masturbate alone. Nevertheless, sexologists seem to think that porn is a
How we enjoy our best orgasms
Shere Hite identified two main approaches that women used to increase clitoral stimulation and their chances of orgasm during intercourse. They either maximised DIRECT clitoral stimulation by using masturbation during sex or they used positions and techniques for sexual intercourse that maximised INDIRECT clitoral stimulation caused by the penis thrusting into the vagina. “… orgasm
Contact Jane Thomas
Please connect with me on Twitter, ResearchGate, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Mastodon and Bluesky! Take a look at my books and watch my videos . You can also contact me directly by email! Many people describe their sex life, including evidence of female arousal, as if it came straight out erotic fiction. I have come to
The conscious and subconscious components of sexuality
Human sexuality has biological, emotional and intellectual components. The biological aspects are innate (we are born that way) and beyond our conscious control. Males of all species have a direct instinct to mate that females do not have. Women need to be persuaded to accept intercourse. For both sexes there is a huge range in
Comparing orgasm from female masturbation and with a partner
Graphs are not very exciting concepts but nevertheless they can be useful. Imagine the male orgasm graph which looks a little like a vertical phallic symbol. Then imagine the female orgasm graph which looks like the outline of a woman’s vulva. The male experience is shorter but more intense. The female experience is longer but
Lesbianism focuses on longer-term relationships
Only 2% of women are exclusively gay (half as common as male homosexuality). The average age to come out is 17 years old for gay men but 40 years old for lesbians. Responsive women may be able to deduce their orientation from their erotic fantasies. Our responsiveness is related to our sex and has nothing
The sexual anatomy involved in heterosexual intercourse
Men always approach sexual activity and orgasm with a focus on the penis: whether through intercourse, fellatio or masturbation. There is no debate over the male anatomy involved in orgasm because men are easily aroused. Misconception #3: Because of the male experience, it is incorrectly assumed that orgasm is a vital aspect of female sexuality.
How to use a vibrator to discover orgasm
Laura was educated and cultured but she also had a worldliness and the classy sex appeal that attracts the most ambitious men. In her early thirties, Laura told me that she had always been confident that she had orgasms during sex. “…in regard to sexual responsiveness the female matures much later than the male.” (p126
Male homosexuality focuses on casual sex
Kinsey found that only 50% of the men in his sample were exclusively heterosexual. Many men (46%) were attracted towards other men even if only as a one-off experience. Around 10% of men at some time in their lives have predominantly homosexual relationships for a period of a few years. Highly sexed and uneducated men
How a woman can learn to masturbate
If a woman is open-minded to the idea of exploring eroticism, she should start by reading some erotic literature. I suggest: ‘Emmanuelle’ by Emmanuelle Arsan: relates the sexual adventures of young women; ‘The Happy Hooker’ by Xaviera Hollander: describes the author’s experiences of pleasuring men as a high-class prostitute and the madam of a brothel;
Orientation is defined by who we are attracted to
The genes that cause us to be homosexual arise in random individuals throughout the population. Homosexuality is a completely harmless and natural orientation for anyone to have. For those people who are gay, homosexuality is quite normal. There is a misconception (particularly among women) that being gay is a lifestyle choice and the result of
Women orgasm from clitoral stimulation (cunnilingus)
Sexologists assume (as we all do) that women should orgasm in all the same scenarios that men do. These are (1) masturbation alone (the female anatomy and stimulation technique are never specified) (2) vaginal intercourse (3) manual stimulation of the clitoral glans with a lover (by herself or her lover) and (4) cunnilingus (oral stimulation
Techniques women use to reach orgasm
I’m sure that men will understand the point. We express our sexuality through two basic phenomena: Firstly, enjoying our own PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal by appreciating eroticism; and Secondly, bringing our sexual arousal to orgasm by PHYSICAL stimulation of the genitals. Yet many women are shocked by eroticism (whether visual or verbal pornography, erotica or the concept
Men cannot accept that women are unresponsive
Men’s experience of women is based on their observation of their lovers. Couples, even in long term relationships, do not discuss the details of sexual pleasure. As with orgasm, pleasure is more or less assumed. Men observe that some women have little response to stimulation. Yet others, even if only in pornography, appear to have
Heterosexual relationships involve mismatched sex drives
Men are naturally responsive. So no man should feel inadequate about ejaculating quickly. [i] Men accept the misconception that women might be able to orgasm through intercourse if stimulated long enough because they want to prolong their own enjoyment of intercourse. Any sense of inadequacy over male speeds to orgasm could be easily overcome if
Women have to learn how to orgasm
In the film ‘Shirley Valentine’ (1989), Pauline Collins plays Shirley, a middle-aged housewife. Shirley comments: “I’m not particularly fond of it – sex. I think sex is like supermarkets, you know, overrated. Just a lot of pushing and shoving and you still come out with very little in the end.” (Note: this film was set
Characteristics of low sexual responsiveness
Research indicates that single women are not nearly as promiscuous as single men. Most men engage in sexual activity, even if it is only masturbation, on a regular basis from adolescence to old age. Many women can live quite happily without being sexually stimulated for weeks, months and even years. Unlike a boy who finds
Most women prefer implicit explanations for their orgasms
A few women claim fantastic orgasmic feats, such as multiple orgasms. But orgasm ends sexual activity so these are, at best, just peaks of arousal. Many of these cases have more in common with a nervous disorder or some kind of nervous fit than a sexual release. If someone experiences orgasm like the ticking of
Women have to learn how their sexual arousal works
Some women appear to be so sheltered from the world of adult eroticism that one wonders if they have ever experienced sexual urges of any kind. Nancy, a recently widowed woman in her seventies became acquainted with John, a man of the same age, during a stay in hospital. On the grounds of friendship, they
Factors that are believed to affect male responsiveness
Factors that affect men’s orgasm frequencies include their age, the age at which they reached adolescence , as well as their level of education and whether they feel constrained by the judgement of religious teachings. Frequencies of sexual activity vary but almost all men (92%) orgasm quickly and easily through masturbation as well as through
Women orgasm from vaginal stimulation (intercourse)
Kinsey explained that the vagina evolved from primitive egg ducts, which lack any sensitivity (in common with other internal organs of the body). The vagina is the result of glands that develop in the female foetus but not in the male. Just as the male glands (including the prostate) develop in the male foetus but
Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic
Almost complete mystery surrounds women’s sexual arousal. Women’s PHYSICAL arousal is rarely acknowledged and our understanding of women’s PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal is very vague. No wonder many of us gain the impression that female orgasms simply mushroom up out of nowhere. Explanations for women’s sexual arousal often defy belief. It is suggested that women, unlike men
Characteristics of high sexual responsiveness
As a boy grows into a man, he sees men bragging about their assumed success in providing a woman with amazing sexual pleasure. He sees men comparing notes on the sexual attributes they appreciate in a lover. He sees issues arising because of voyeurs, peeping Toms, men who assault and rape women. He can identify
Masturbation and fantasy require a creative imagination
Masturbation is least common among less educated males (89%). More men who are high school educated (95%) and who are college educated (96%) are involved in masturbation for at least some period of their lives. There are two suggestions for why college boys masturbate more than less-educated boys. The first is that college girls are
Women’s sex drive to orgasm during sex
Becky explained via e-mail: “I had my first orgasm at 26 during masturbation – pretty late I know & since then no stopping me with the sex toys : ) . Plenty of my girlfriends have not though – and like you say, don’t seem too bothered about it which I can’t understand.” Despite this
Sexual responsiveness is a male characteristic
Male orgasm is not directly linked to reproduction, but ejaculation is required. The function of male orgasm is to trigger the ejaculation of sperm. Some small boys may orgasm (as a one-off) without ejaculating but after adolescence, orgasm always triggers ejaculation. Apart from orgasm, there is no other physiological event that could account for ejaculation
Women’s sexuality includes providing male erotic turn-ons
The intense focus on women’s bodies means that girls as young as five aspire to the sexual attributes and wardrobe of a Barbie doll. Teenage girls starve themselves and few women are willing to appear in public without wearing make-up, provocative lingerie and without waxing their legs. It is reassuring to be admired by a
Female masturbation is relatively uncommon
Carolyn, a relationship counsellor in her fifties, told me she thought it unwise to positively encourage female masturbation. She did not give her reasons. “Many women think of masturbation as unnatural and disgusting and a complete waste of time, and don’t understand why anybody does it and are unsympathetic to the view that people might
Responsiveness varies between individuals
We have no conscious control over our responsiveness . Our ability to enjoy eroticism is an instinctive and subconscious response. Our responsiveness is a factor of our sex and the way our mind works. All men are responsive to some degree. Research indicates that there is a huge range in responsiveness (orgasm frequency) for both
Women can masturbate themselves to orgasm with a lover
Pornography shows women masturbating (or being masturbated by a lover). This self-stimulation by fingering around their glans never ends in orgasm. Women are shown continuing to engage in sexual activity after masturbating so orgasm is clearly not their goal. Despite the publication of Hite’s findings that women are more successful with orgasm alone, heterosexuals continue
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal is a mental state that arises when the mind responds to PSYCHOLOGICAL stimuli (of an erotic or sexual nature). Sexual arousal is evidenced by PHYSICAL phenomena such as increased blood flow to the erectile organ (penis/clitoris). Both sexes can express their sexuality through sexual arousal and orgasm but since men’s arousal happens spontaneously
Sexual responsiveness and orientation
Sexuality is about responsiveness and orientation , both of which are determined before we are born. Among the genes we inherit from our parents are those that determine responsiveness and orientation. Any child can potentially be born homosexual. Likewise, we are all born with varying degrees of responsiveness. Responsiveness is a measure of the frequency
Boys who are adolescent first have the highest sex drive
For practical purposes male adolescence is assumed to coincide with a boy’s first ejaculation. Boys who become adolescent first (before 12 years of age) often have the highest orgasm frequencies throughout their lives.[i] Statistics can be misleading. For example, men are taller than women on average but some women are taller than many men. Similarly
Sexual desire
Kinsey shocked the world in the 1950s with his revelation that SOME women experience orgasm. The popular message became: all women ‘naturally’ orgasm during sex. But this was never true. “In the later teens, when… the average male was at the peak of his sexual capacity and activity -, there was still nearly a half
Shere Hite’s research findings (1976)
Shere Hite’s work was a thesis produced for her doctorate in sexuality. Her research had much lower funding than Kinsey’s and so was more limited in scope. Hite circulated a lengthy questionnaire in the US through women’s magazines and to passers-by on the street in the early 1970s. Shere Hite’s sample was not selected in
Men pressure women to provide a response to intercourse
Only women are ever described as frigid (meaning cold or unloving). An unenthusiastic lover is a turn-off and causes a man to feel unappreciated. [i] Even today so-called female sexual dysfunction continues to be defined in terms of a woman’s ability, or her willingness, to cooperate with intercourse rather than in terms of her ability
Why sex is called ‘making love’
The heterosexual act of vaginal intercourse is designed foremost as an expression of love between a man and a woman. After all, if sex was purely about two people reaching orgasm, then we would more naturally engage in activities that involve more direct genital stimulation. Intercourse is a natural progression from kissing to a man
Bill Masters and Virginia Johnson’s research (1966)
William Masters and Virginia Johnson observed volunteer couples having intercourse in the laboratory. Female orgasm was simply assumed to occur as a result of intercourse. This laboratory-based approach was much more popular than Alfred Kinsey’s complex statistical approach and has remained the predominant model. The public is easily impressed by people who wear laboratory coats