Male orgasm is most usually associated with erotic stimuli. [i] Yet it is often suggested (erroneously) that women need emotional stimuli to achieve orgasm. This misunderstanding arises because most women only engage in sexual activity as part of a loving relationship. It is, in fact, the very different levels of men and women’s sexual responsiveness that cause the sexes to look for different emotional rewards from their sexual relationships.
Misconception #8: Contrary to the male experience, it is assumed incorrectly that women orgasm without using the equivalent erotic turn-ons that men need for orgasm. This misunderstanding probably arises because women can rarely account for their psychological arousal with a lover.
Sex exists for the purpose of reproduction. But the pleasure men experience, makes them oblivious to the consequences of intercourse. Men assume that because orgasm is such a vital aspect of their own sexuality, it must have an equal significance for women. But intercourse is part of a much wider reproductive process that includes pregnancy and childbirth.
Male sexuality is relatively straightforward. A man sees an attractive woman, he gets an erection and he is enthusiastic about engaging in sexual activity that leads to reproduction. Women’s sexuality is much less intuitive. Intercourse is both physically and conceptually arousing from the perspective of the penetrator. A mating act is much less erotic from the female perspective. A woman cannot comprehend why a man finds such tedious and mundane action (of a penis thrusting into a vagina) so fascinating.
Only a quarter of men are impotent by the age of 70. A man has a mental desire to penetrate a lover even after he has lost the physical ability to back it up. Men’s responsiveness is limited by the physical (their ability to get an erection). Women’s responsiveness does not depend on any physical process (such as engorgement of the sex organ). Instead women’s responsiveness is limited by the psychological (their ability to get turned-on).
Our motivation to engage in sexual activity is evidenced by how often we think or dream about sexual activity and by how much time we invest in enjoying sources of eroticism. Men are more responsive because there are many more aspects of sexual activity that trigger their arousal. Women struggle to list any erotic phenomena that act as female erotic turn-ons. A woman’s fantasies may be limited to only a handful of scenarios. This lack of variety of erotic stimuli is a factor in limiting her responsiveness.
[i] In general, males are more often conditioned by their sexual experience, and by a greater variety of associated factors, than females. (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (ISBN 978-0956-894717)