LAS

Characteristics of low sexual responsiveness

Research indicates that single women are not nearly as promiscuous as single men. Most men engage in sexual activity, even if it is only masturbation, on a regular basis from adolescence to old age. Many women can live quite happily without being sexually stimulated for weeks, months and even years. Unlike a boy who finds

Factors that are believed to affect male responsiveness

Factors that affect men’s orgasm frequencies include their age, the age at which they reached adolescence , as well as their level of education and whether they feel constrained by the judgement of religious teachings. Frequencies of sexual activity vary but almost all men (92%) orgasm quickly and easily through masturbation as well as through

Characteristics of high sexual responsiveness

As a boy grows into a man, he sees men bragging about their assumed success in providing a woman with amazing sexual pleasure. He sees men comparing notes on the sexual attributes they appreciate in a lover. He sees issues arising because of voyeurs, peeping Toms, men who assault and rape women. He can identify

Sexual responsiveness is a male characteristic

Male orgasm is not directly linked to reproduction, but ejaculation is required. The function of male orgasm is to trigger the ejaculation of sperm. Some small boys may orgasm (as a one-off) without ejaculating but after adolescence, orgasm always triggers ejaculation. Apart from orgasm, there is no other physiological event that could account for ejaculation

Responsiveness varies between individuals

We have no conscious control over our responsiveness . Our ability to enjoy eroticism is an instinctive and subconscious response. Our responsiveness is a factor of our sex and the way our mind works. All men are responsive to some degree. Research indicates that there is a huge range in responsiveness (orgasm frequency) for both

Sexual responsiveness and orientation

Sexuality is about responsiveness and orientation , both of which are determined before we are born. Among the genes we inherit from our parents are those that determine responsiveness and orientation. Any child can potentially be born homosexual. Likewise, we are all born with varying degrees of responsiveness. Responsiveness is a measure of the frequency

Shere Hite’s research findings (1976)

Shere Hite’s work was a thesis produced for her doctorate in sexuality. Her research had much lower funding than Kinsey’s and so was more limited in scope. Hite circulated a lengthy questionnaire in the US through women’s magazines and to passers-by on the street in the early 1970s. Shere Hite’s sample was not selected in

Bill Masters and Virginia Johnson’s research (1966)

William Masters and Virginia Johnson observed volunteer couples having intercourse in the laboratory. Female orgasm was simply assumed to occur as a result of intercourse. This laboratory-based approach was much more popular than Alfred Kinsey’s complex statistical approach and has remained the predominant model. The public is easily impressed by people who wear laboratory coats

Over time women often become focused on family

Female mammals are involved in grooming, feeding and affectionate play with their young. Female mammals are always smaller and more nervous than males. This anxiety keeps women at home and close to their children. Women gravitate towards men who can provide protection and lifestyle through earnings or status. Many women consider the tasks of raising

Young women tend to focus on their attractiveness

A girl first becomes aware of herself as a sexual being when men start commenting on her breasts . The breasts develop from around 12.4 years. Beast development signals a woman’s reproductive maturity. A girl should wear a supportive bra to avoid getting stretch marks. It is perfectly normal for a woman’s breasts to be

At puberty girls develop a child-bearing capacity

From a young age, most girls demonstrate a more passive and timid personality than most boys. Girls often focus on social activities rather than physically active play. This gender difference is apparent before puberty . Women need to deal with men who can be ruthlessly aggressive. Women have evolved a survival strategy of being more

Men tend to focus on opportunities for intercourse

Sex may not be the only reason men seek relationships with women, but it is the key reason. Men’s sex drive focuses them on obtaining opportunities for intercourse. Given married men’s complaints about low intercourse frequencies over the longer-term, sex is clearly much less important to women. The romantic and emotional factors that naturally motivate

Young men tend to focus on enjoying their arousal

Men are valued for their physical strength, their practical skills and their personal confidence (leaderships skills). Young men increase their muscle mass at puberty by 50% more than young women do. The male territorial drive (to establish and defend territory or status) consumes more of a man’s time and energy than his sex drive ever

At puberty boys develop a reliable arousal cycle

From a young age, many boys already demonstrate a more active and outgoing personality than most girls. Boys enjoy physical activities such as sport where conversation is minimal. This gender difference is apparent before the onset of adolescence and is not attributable solely to hormones. The changes at puberty are not limited to physical changes.

The internal anatomy involved in reproduction

Our sex is determined by chromosomes. A man has an XY chromosome and a woman has an XX chromosome. There are other combinations (involving three chromosomes) but the Y chromosome is associated with being male. A boy inherits a Y chromosome from his father. The father’s genes (not the mother’s) determine the sex of a

The female erectile sex organ (or phallus)

In the absence of testosterone, the genital tubercle forms the female phallus , called the clitoris. The clitoris consists of the glans and the internal organ. The clitoral glans is located just above the vaginal opening. Most of the clitoris (the body or shaft) is internal. Just below the mons pubis (that is covered with

The male erectile sex organ (or phallus)

A man’s sex organ (penis) is separate from his internal reproductive anatomy (testes and glands) but also integral. The penis has three main functions. Firstly men use their penis to urinate (but only when flaccid). Urine and semen both pass down the urethra, the tube which extends through the length of the penis. When a

Human sexual anatomy and development

Sexuality is about appreciating the human body and sexual anatomy . We should understand the function of the male and female genitalia as well as the changes that occur throughout our lives. It is also useful to know what kind of stimulation may be pleasurable or is involved in achieving orgasm. The step of evolving

The influence of religious beliefs on sexuality

Each culture has its own set of values. Some people consider these beliefs to be more important than others. While we are children, our parents make choices for us in the belief that they are for our benefit. Once we are adult, we can decide on our own values. Research indicates that both the cultural

Responsibility for contraception and abortion

The (contraceptive) pill, taken on a daily basis by a woman, contains hormones that stop her ovaries producing eggs. A condom, worn by the man over his penis during intercourse, prevents semen entering the vagina. A woman can wear a rubber diaphragm over her cervix (neck of the uterus). A woman can also have a

Intercourse involves reproductive risk for women

Men tend to focus on sexual pleasure so we often equate sexuality to responsiveness. Orgasm is certainly one erotic pleasure that motivates a person to initiate sexual activity. But sexuality is, in fact, foremost about reproduction. Pleasure is merely a by-product. Given the key role of intercourse in male sexuality, it is tempting to assume

Intercourse needs to continue until ejaculation

A man is biologically motivated to impregnate a woman through an on-going process of demonstrating his virility (as a potent male who may be in demand from other women). Ejaculating into a lover’s body is the natural conclusion to the male arousal cycle. A man needs intercourse to dissipate accumulated sexual frustration and to feel

Intercourse is the heterosexual lovemaking act

When a man and a woman are attracted to each other, intercourse feels very natural. This is no coincidence. The male and female body fit together to allow a sexual coupling. The mating position used by other mammals is rear entry (doggy position). Women tend to feel humiliated by this subjugated position. Most societies use

Why women feel inadequate about their bodies

Given women’s dislike of genitals, many of the terms for the female genitals come from men and are considered obscene by women. Rather than refer to explicit anatomy, most women prefer to gesture and make vague references to ‘down there’. We can use ‘pussy’ for girls as the equivalent slang to ‘willie’ for boys. A

Why men feel inadequate over penis size

Men’s sexual role (after impregnating women) is to protect the family. In an aggressive situation a man must be physically large and muscular to intimidate an opponent. In a political situation he must be assertive and competent enough to impress an adversary. A man has more natural authority than a woman has. On the other

How the male and female sexual roles differ

Primitive life, such as bacteria, reproduce asexually. But most animals and plants reproduce sexually. Offspring inherit genes from both parents. Even in plants, the process for enabling the male gamete to join with the female gamete is engineered by the male reproductive part of the plant. There is competition between male gametes because only one

Diversity: our sex, our personality and our gender

Sexuality includes our sex, our personality and our gender . The reason we have two sexes is for diversity. Some people like being different. They like the attention they get and they may take steps to differentiate themselves from others by dressing or behaving differently. Others have no choice in being different from others and

Reproduction involves more than just intercourse

Sexuality is about reproduction . But human reproduction involves much more than intercourse. The distinct male and female roles are apparent from nature. The female produces the egg and the male fertilises it. We are all a product of genes from one man and one woman. A man has a protruding phallus (penis) and a

Alfred Kinsey’s research findings (1948 and 1953)

Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues held private interviews with over 10,000 people. His team classified people according to sex, age and education level. They then produced tables to see if there were any correlations between sexual activity and personal characteristics. Kinsey used the frequency of orgasm (responsiveness) as a measure of sexuality. His work was

Men have typically led the research into sexuality

Sigmund Freud, the Austrian psychologist (1856 to 1939), was the first scientist of note to talk of female sexuality. Freud’s methods were based on observation rather than science. He treated women for what was believed to be repression of their natural sexual urges. In those days, few couples in the population were aware that women

Sexual pleasure need not always focus on orgasm

Alfred Kinsey concluded that any research that involved making subjective judgements of the emotional rewards of sex activity would make it impossible to compare individual experiences (because of personal interpretation). He chose to use responsiveness as an objective measure of sexual activity. Measuring physical phenomenon is a very natural male perspective on sexual function. Kinsey

Why women do not orgasm from cunnilingus

Men believe that cunnilingus causes female orgasm. But where does this belief come from? It doesn’t come from any research findings. Cunnilingus is clearly associated with pornography rather than women’s sexual pleasure. Misunderstandings over cunnilingus arise primarily because of the belief that women are aroused by the prospect of sexual activity in exactly the same

Sexual pleasure is defined by sociable activity

Mammals use grooming to connect socially with others. They also snuggle up together for warmth and comfort. Regardless of responsiveness, it can be reassuring to feel the proximity of another person’s body: the gentle rise and fall of their abdomen, the warmth and feel of their skin are comforting. The pleasures a woman enjoys from

Only some men are motivated to offer foreplay

There must inevitably be some men who are content with the frequency and quality of sex that their female partners provide. This may be because they are less responsive than the average male so they can better accommodate women’s lesser sexual interest. But it is also equally certain that many men are quite oblivious to

A man needs to make sex exciting for a woman

When women see men, they think of sex. You could equally well say that men think the same thing when they see women. But the reasons are very different. When men see women, they become aroused and so they think of having sex. But women are not aroused by men. A woman knows various men

Sexual techniques that may pleasure a woman

Men engage in sexual activity to release accumulated arousal through thrusting and orgasm. By contrast, even responsive women only generate the kind of arousal that leads to orgasm by consciously focusing on explicit erotic fantasies during masturbation alone. Women (regardless of orientation) are not consciously aroused (in their mind) with a lover and so cannot

How a couple can bring variety to intercourse

Few women provide explicit erotic turn-ons. But most, at least initially, are affectionate. Demonstrating affection involves close physical intimacy and causes male arousal. When a man is overwhelmed by sensations of arousal , he assumes that a woman feels exactly the same responses. He can interpret her affection as a turn-on because, to him, it

A man wants a partner to make love to his penis

When aroused, men experience rigidity of the sex organ (the penis). But this increased blood flow, although concentrated in the genitals can also affect the sensitivity of other parts of the body (called tumescence). So when sexually aroused, a man may enjoy being stroked and sucked on almost any part of his body, for example:

Sexual techniques that may pleasure a man

Men hope that a lover will enjoy contributing enthusiastically to their intimate time together: sharing fantasies, sex play and affection. Arousing a man is easy, if a woman knows how men respond. A woman can flirt by playing along with male fantasies. These details of sexual activity (that arouse men) have no erotic significance for

How to make the most of sexual pleasuring

Sexuality is about enjoying sexual pleasure with a lover. We experience sensual, emotional and erotic pleasure. A sex education should include a description of sexual techniques that may be used to pleasure men and women. These should differentiate between those techniques which assist with orgasm and those which provide sensual pleasure. We orgasm with a

Why couples struggle to communicate over sex

Sex is most rewarding for a woman in the romantic scenario of a new relationship. In the beginning a man’s easy arousal means that sex is fairly effortless for a woman. Decades later it is not necessarily so easy. Over time intercourse can become a mechanical act. It is neither erotic nor loving. This happens

How a woman can interest a man in having sex

Sex occurs much more easily in the early stages of a relationship because being affectionate with each other provides the most natural lead-in to sex. First a woman offers some affectionate interaction by touching or kissing her lover. Her lover communicates his sexual need by kissing back with passion, by touching the woman with an

How a man can have relationship sex more often

Nature never intended men to be monogamous. In every society, men’s greater inclination for promiscuity is accepted as a natural and defining characteristic of male sexuality. A woman offers sex to a man because she knows that if she doesn’t, he will go looking for another woman. So women’s need for male support, has contributed

The role of relationship therapists and counsellors

Adults are embarrassed about sex because of their emotional insecurities. Our emotional needs include a need to impress, a need to belong and a need to be valued. Some people lack self-esteem, which stems from anxiety. We avoid discussing relationship issues for various reasons. We want to avoid conflict. We don’t want to admit that

Anorgasmia, preorgasmia and vaginismus

Women who masturbate themselves to orgasm are called pre-orgasmic. Rather than celebrate the fact that they experience orgasm , the implication is that women are inadequate because (regardless of any scientific facts or logic) they cannot please a man by having their orgasms during intercourse. Men’s sex drive makes intercourse an obligatory activity for heterosexuals.

Premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction

It’s not uncommon for a man to have a problem with erections from time to time. But erectile dysfunction (ED) that happens routinely is not normal and should be treated. ED is defined as difficulty getting or keeping an erection that’s firm enough for intercourse. ED is the most common sexual problem that men report

The misunderstandings behind sexual dysfunction

True sexual dysfunctions are very rare. The word dysfunction implies that something is not working properly. In order to define dysfunction, we must first define normal functioning. We also need to specify whether we are talking about reproductive function, erotic orgasm or emotional pleasure. A woman may feel miserable if she cannot conceive but sexual

Sex as a bargaining chip in loving relationships

When we are single, we can focus on our own selfish needs. But when we have a relationship with another person, we need to consider their needs as well as our own. Sometimes these two demands conflict. Relationships of any kind are an inevitable compromise. Men obtain their prime emotional reward through penetrative sex. A

The misconceptions that arise from pornography

Pornography provides boys with completely unrealistic images of women’s sexuality. The female body is sexualised and objectified (projected in way that causes male arousal). Such images give misleading impressions about women’s sexual willingness and availability. This issue needs to be addressed by sex educators if boys are to have healthy relationships and find emotional happiness.

Men and women’s perspectives on relationships

Sexuality is about a sexual relationship, which includes social, emotional and sexual aspects. Long-term committed relationships are vital to supporting families over the decades needed to raise children. Men tend to focus on their sexual needs while most women hope for affectionate companionship. Sex education should present the different moral and social issues that are

Everyone achieves orgasm in similar ways

Orgasm is a primitive response of the human body. It is achieved through an identical mechanism regardless of gender and orientation. The key characteristics of orgasm include: mental arousal must precede stimulation, stimulation focuses on massaging the blood flow within the corpora cavernosa of the phallus and stimulation ceases once orgasm is achieved. People often

Explaining men and women’s sexual behaviours

Men and women behave very differently in sexual scenarios. Key behaviours include male promiscuity, women’s sexual passivity and women’s focus on relationships. We use behaviours to enhance the way others see us. This has nothing to do with responsiveness. Women use behaviours more than men do. Some people try to enhance the perception others have

Sexual behaviours compensate for responsiveness

We cannot start to understand sexuality unless we differentiate between responsiveness and conscious behaviours . For the most part, our minds and bodies function in similar ways regardless of sex or orientation. We cannot control the level of our sex drive, the erotic stimuli that cause our arousal and the frequency with which we orgasm.

Misunderstandings over how orgasm is achieved

The issue of female orgasm with a lover is at the core of sexual politics. Men want to feel valued as lovers. Women want to keep men happy in bed so they get other things in exchange such as love, support and companionship. The confusion over female orgasm is down to two main factors. Firstly

Women have varying degrees of sexual willingness

Human beings are sociable animals. Most of us want to be accepted in our social group. We want to share experiences. We hope to enjoy the company of others. We are reassured by the support of family, friends and a lover. It is also a survival strategy because humans tend to attack those who are

Women are often disappointed with casual sex

We are all living longer due to improved health and lifestyles. So ‘til death do us part’ is much longer than it used to be centuries ago. Some couples like the idea that they are not bound solely to each other for decades. For most couples this is not an option and adultery is a

The idea that women are naturally aroused with a lover

Jane’s slides on ‘Relationship Sex’ help explain female arousal. The very first time I had sex, I knew that something was up. I felt absolutely nothing. I just lay there wondering what was going on until my partner had finished. I concluded the whole thing was a hoax. But because of the ignorance in our

Women attract men by sexualising themselves

We wear clothes for protection, for warmth, for decency and also for display. The need to differentiate ourselves depends on our personality. Many women believe it is an essential part of their femininity to display their bodies. As long as there are no consequences (they are protected from male advances), women enjoy the admiration they

The sexual politics of women competing over men

If men and women wanted the same thing there would be no sexual politics . Men and women are at odds because they want different things. Marriage comes with its privileges and obligations. A man’s reward is regular sex. A woman’s reward is caring for those she loves. Sexual politics involves men and women using

Sex as a competitive sport and erotic entertainment

A woman values a man as a social asset (who has status and experience). But a man values a woman as a sexual asset. A young woman is a trophy because of her attractiveness and her inexperience. A man enjoys knowing that his lover is attractive not only to himself but also to other men.

Women are not respected for being promiscuous

A polite way of expressing some men’s enjoyment of promiscuity is to say that they like the ladies. There is no equivalent expression to describe a woman who is promiscuous. The term lady is used as a form of respect that is needed because of the disrespect men often display towards women. A man defends

Prostitution generally involves men paying for sex

There have always been some women who are willing to offer men sex on demand. But they want to be paid. By far the most common form of prostitution involves women providing sexual services to men. The second most common sexual service is for gay men (4% of the male population). Women usually pay male

The sex industry focuses on male gratification

Sexuality is about talking, observing or interacting with others in return for payment or other non-relationship rewards. Depending on our personality we may employ a variety of behaviours and attitudes to attract, impress or arouse a potential lover. Sexual contacts are usually a private affair. We are either alone or with one other person. Most

Welcome to Learn About Sexuality!

Our society provides no sex education . The magazine articles, we glance at occasionally, regurgitate the same old wives’ tales. We rely on so-called sex experts not because they have special knowledge or experience but just because so few people are willing to talk about sex in public. Despite the universal silence from women on

Differences between men and women’s responses

One of the major differences between the way men and women respond in sexual scenarios is that being touched by a lover, is emotionally significant to men. A man takes pleasure in stimulating his penis when alone because he is aroused. But his pleasure with a lover is much greater because of the emotional acceptance

How we know that someone has had an orgasm

Orgasm is a subconscious response but we need to take conscious actions to achieve it. A responsive person knows when they have had an orgasm because they took specific and focused steps to get there. Arousal (and hence orgasm) relies on what happens in the mind. Some women assume they have an orgasm just by

Women mistake emotional sensations for orgasm

Female orgasm is not an issue in sexual relationships because the vast majority of women accept sex for what it is. Such women describe orgasm in terms of emotional factors. For some women this means they accept that orgasm does not occur with a lover. For others, they may assume that orgasm occurs but they

Similarities between men and women’s responses

Orgasm is a basic physiological response of the human body. Just as the same mechanism causes men and women to sneeze, so we also orgasm in the same way. Regardless of gender and orientation, both the anatomy and the trigger are the same. We massage the tumescent phallus and focus our minds on explicit aspects

The male psychology of seeing a lover as a sex object

Unlike emotional attachments, arousal is not caused by a specific person or by a relationship. Arousal relies on being able to see a person, to some degree, as an object. Arousal is achieved when the mind focuses on objects or concepts that a person finds arousing. Arousal mechanisms (erotic turn-ons) involve physical attributes and the

Mental arousal combines with a thrusting instinct

Men can orgasm from non-reproductive activity such as fellatio or masturbation. But men obtain the most satisfying sexual release by ejaculating into a lover’s body. So although another person is not absolutely necessary for men to enjoy orgasm, it is typically preferred. So men naturally assume that women have the same preference. But female arousal

The mental focus required to achieve orgasm

Anyone who masturbates needs to use fantasy for arousal. Turn-ons are erotic concepts or images that motivate us to engage in sexual activity. We enjoy the sensations of arousal that result from exploring our fantasies. Sex involves our enjoyment of mental arousal through an appreciation of eroticism (men tend to use graphic images and realistic

Arousal is psychological and arises in the mind

Sexual arousal arises in the brain and is a form of nervous excitement. In other words, the nervous system is disturbed (more agitated than its normal resting state). Both our breathing and heart rate are elevated due to the brain activity. Sexual arousal occurs initially subconsciously. But at some point, we become conscious of our

Orgasm is an instinctive response to erotic stimuli

Orgasm is an instinctive response. That means that even when we have no prior knowledge or experience of orgasm , we are still able to discover it. It has to be that way because otherwise the human race (and other animals) would not exist. We haven’t always had books or even word of mouth to

Orgasm is a one-off release of sexual tension

Sexuality is about appreciating what causes us to become aroused and learning how we can achieve orgasm both alone and with a lover. Orgasm is foremost a response of the nervous system. For adults (even premature ejaculators), orgasm is always consciously engineered in a situation where the mind responds erotically and by stimulating the phallus.

Justifying evolutionary and biological precedents

Human sexuality does not stand alone. It is part of a wider picture of the sexuality of all other lifeforms. Even plants have male and female parts and reproduce sexually (the new life has characteristics from both parents). The male is the more active part and is proactive in fertilising the female. The female part

Providing sex information without political bias

Most adults would probably agree on the need to educate children about sex. But it is much more difficult to obtain consensus on what children should be told. No one is confident about what children should be told because of the contradictions, the harassment, the manipulation, the deceit and the exploitation. There are many sources

How we know that female orgasm is uncommon

Orgasm is achieved by stimulating specific anatomy. This is because mental arousal causes the erectile organ (the phallus) to become tumescent. Confusion over the anatomy involved in female orgasm arises on two counts. Firstly women are not aroused with a lover, so they do not focus on obtaining the stimulation they need for orgasm. Secondly

Women only orgasm when alone not with a lover

Men’s drive to penetrate inherently involves another person. But women do not have this hormonal drive that men have. So women have not evolved the ability to be aroused by a man’s body because their orgasm does not contribute to the reproductive process. There is no reason why female orgasm should occur during sexual activity

We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm

Even when a sex organ is capable of penetration (as the penis is), it cannot cause a lover’s orgasm . For a person to orgasm, they must be motivated to obtain the correct stimulation of their own phallus. Men are aroused biologically and automatically; women are not. The physical stimulation involved in achieving orgasm is

How we know that female masturbation is rare

Kinsey concluded that masturbation was not only the quickest way for a woman to orgasm (4 minutes on average) but also the most reliable way (95% success rate). Women’s masturbatory activities provided the clearest evidence for female orgasm. Kinsey found that 20% of women masturbated regularly. So his work indicates that around 20% of women

The kind of stimulation that leads to orgasm

Regardless of orientation, men orgasm through intercourse, masturbation and fellatio. A man’s arousal (in the form of an erection) also gives him a clear indication of the anatomy he wants to stimulate. By contrast women, including lesbians, enjoy more sensual whole-body and emotional pleasures with a lover because of their lack of arousal. This contributes

Women’s fantasies are sexually explicit scenarios

A responsive woman’s use of fantasies means her experiences do not fit with any of the descriptions of sexual activity that we see portrayed in society. Sexual activity is usually sociable but it is also portrayed in graphic terms. When something happens in your head, it can be purely conceptual. This is probably why women

How women masturbate themselves to orgasm

Women may be mildly curious about genitals but they are not aroused by them. Neither are women hormonally aroused as younger men are. So most women are not remotely curious about masturbation . Female orgasm is rare. So we will never have millions of women agreeing on how they orgasm . The best we can

Educated men masturbate more than other men

Masturbation is least common among less educated males (89%). More men who are high school educated (95%) and men who are college educated (96%) are involved in masturbation for at least some period of their lives. Masturbation frequencies after marriage are highest (69%) among men who are college educated. Only 42% of men, who are

How men masturbate themselves to orgasm

Few boys masturbate before the onset of adolescence. Only 10% of boys are masturbating by the age of nine and only 13% by ten years of age. Male masturbation frequencies vary significantly in the population indicating not only a range in responsiveness but also variations in how different men can use their minds to enjoy

How anyone achieves orgasm when they are alone

Sexuality is about enjoying the responsiveness of our own body through masturbation. Our mind’s ability to respond to erotic scenarios (both real and imagined) causes us to investigate our body’s responses. Orgasm is a response of the brain. Our minds respond to erotic stimuli regardless of our relationship status and the availability of a partner.

How we know women do not orgasm with a lover

Neither women themselves nor their lovers ever comment on the obvious contradiction over assumptions about the female anatomy involved in orgasm. A woman is assumed to orgasm through intercourse (stimulation of the vagina) in a way that complements the male anatomy. The vagina complements the penis in reproductive terms. A woman is also assumed to

Why couples don’t discuss female arousal

Much of the sexual activity between heterosexuals is carried on without communication. Once intimacy has been established, by kissing for example, a man assumes that he has been accepted as a lover. He increases his exploration of a woman’s body. A woman responds by allowing him access to her body. There is no explicit discussion.

Women fake orgasm to reassure men’s sexual ego

Faking orgasm provides an easy way for a woman to speed up sex and get it over with as quickly as possible. If a woman lies (by faking orgasm ) to a man he finds her hugely attractive. If she’s honest then he finds another woman. What do men expect? Some women consider faking to

Women make conscious effort to respond sexually

With all the fiction surrounding women’s sexuality, it is important to appreciate that female sexuality has not evolved solely for the purpose of gratifying male ego. Women can’t respond in certain ways simply because men would like them to (unless they fake of course). Female sexuality has evolved so as to maximise the chances of

The erotic pleasure a man enjoys from sex

Men typically initiate sex and they masturbate much more frequently than women do. If male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men could settle for masturbation instead of sex. Men have a reproductive or biological drive that means they need intercourse for the best sexual release. For a man, the action of

Men are aroused by seeing and stimulating genitals

Children of both sexes are indifferent to genitals . They may be mildly curious but they consider genitals to be ugly and smelly parts of the body. At puberty, the increase in male responsiveness causes young men to be fascinated by genitals. For women the connotations from childhood continue into adulthood because women are not

Only men are aroused by the prospect of sex

Men often vocalise their appreciation on seeing an attractive woman but men are rarely on the receiving end of similar flattery from women. Men never seem to notice that women are not aroused by men’s bodies. Many men like to display their sexual interest as bravado. They never notice that women do not admire men

Understanding a man’s need for erotic turn-ons

For most people, sexual activity whether alone or with a lover is a private affair. We rarely see other people engaging in sexual activity. We rely on fictional accounts from books or movies. Most of this fictional activity involves sociable situations. Masturbatory activities are less commonly portrayed. Men’s key focus is penetrative sex. Male erotic

An arousal trigger is either an object or a concept

Some boys and young men can be so highly aroused that they orgasm spontaneously or with little time needed to become aroused. But most adults (and certainly women) need a period of time to build the kind of arousal that leads to orgasm. Arousal arises as an instinctive response to turn-ons, which are objects or

Some people enjoy abstract eroticism and fantasy

Sexuality is about our motivation to explore our fantasies both during masturbation alone and during sex play with a lover. Our ability to reach orgasm ultimately depends on what happens in the brain. We tend to focus on the mechanics of sex but erotic pleasure is foremost about turn-ons. Men enjoy the turn-on of penetration

Asking young women to define female sexuality

Young women are naturally impressed by men’s greater confidence. They are full of romantic illusions and curiosity. They have the inexperience and the optimism of youth. It’s easy for a woman to give a man the pleasure he wants. Young women can’t understand why older women recommend modesty and restraint. They enjoy the novelty of

Difficulties in assessing women’s sexuality

Our understanding of female sexuality must reflect what real women are physically and emotionally capable of. The advantage of a realistic approach is that couples can build on what is practically achievable rather than hanker after an impossible fantasy. Men stress about what they can do or say to get a woman into bed. So

Sex without consent is rape regardless of intent

It’s important to appreciate that the situation where a man rapes random strangers is rare. These men (called rapists) specifically enjoy the violence of the

Child sexual abuse, incest and paedophilia

Paedophiles blatantly challenge the concept of consent. Paedophilia involves a few men who are sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. Many paedophiles control their urges and avoid coming into contact with children. Others do eventually act on their urges by exposing themselves to children, watching naked children, masturbating themselves in front of children or touching children’s