HomeSexuality & techniquesSexual techniquesWomen’s need for affection drives regular relationship sex

Women’s need for affection drives regular relationship sex

While women often fail to appreciate the importance men place on eroticism, men seldom appreciate the importance women place on affection.

Sex is so much more rewarding for women when they feel affection for their lover. In the early days, a man is more motivated to show his appreciation for a lover by being affectionate. In assuming (implicitly or explicitly) that sex is on offer, a man is asking for a favour. A woman’s affectionate response gives him the confidence to initiate sex. As the affection dies, sex becomes a mechanical exercise for a woman and a man finds it increasingly awkward [i] to suggest sex or to just assume it’s on offer. So women’s need for affection drives regular sex within loving relationships.

Sex occurs much more easily in the early stages of a relationship because being affectionate with each other provides the most natural lead-in to sex. First a woman offers some affectionate interaction by touching or kissing her lover. Her lover communicates his desire by kissing back with passion, by touching the woman with an increased focus on the erogenous zones and by indicating his own arousal by pressing his groin against her body.

Some people suggest that being relaxed about nudity is uninhibited. But women avoid being nude because it is highly suggestive to men. Women enjoy intercourse in the early days of a romance. When in love, lovemaking is an expression of a man’s devotion to a woman and represents a small part of the quality time a couple spends together. Later, sex tends to focus on satisfying male needs without providing the affection women hope for.

A woman may want children and this instinctive desire may help cause her to be willing to provide a man with regular intercourse. A woman does not need (or want) intercourse over decades. But many women would be devastated if they could never be a mother. Women engage in intimate relationships with men because of their need for affection that can sometimes be combined with an enjoyment of sensual lovemaking with a caring lover.

Despite all evidence to the contrary men insist that women must enjoy sex exactly as they do. But women do not obtain the same kind of comfort from sex. So women need time to develop the much deeper emotional attachment that helps them justify offering a man intercourse over decades.

If we all had men’s promiscuous instincts there would be no long-term relationships. Someone has to be tied into one person. A woman does this with no sex drive at all! Quite something if you think about it! Women may be passive in a genital sense but they have a strong emotional drive.

[i] The male’s difficulties in his sexual relations after marriage include a lack of facility, of ease, or of suavity in establishing a rapport in a sexual situation. (Alfred Kinsey)

Excerpt from Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (ISBN 978-0956-894724)


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