Sexual promiscuity
Renate, a student of twenty-six, liked to be affectionate with her male friends but then was bewildered when they interpreted her hugs as a sexual advance. A man tends to assume that physical intimacy is a given as soon as a woman shows him any affection. A woman needs time to build the emotional intimacy
The sexual politics of female sexual desire
Although the modern day hype about female sexuality was in part sparked off by the work of Alfred Kinsey, the facts he reported have long since been lost in the rush to sensationalise female sexual desire. Kinsey’s report clearly set out the much lower sexual response of the female (as measured by the incidence of
Women who fake orgasm
Men tell me how convinced they are that ALL their partners orgasm during sex. But that’s kind of what faking orgasm is about, isn’t it? If it wasn’t convincing then what would be the point? Men should sleep with women who are less sexually experienced. Virgins are much more likely to admit that intercourse does not
Young and sexy
A young and sexy woman complained about the male attention she got every time she left the hostel on 42nd Street, Manhattan, dressed in her high heels and low cleavage. Yes, well… It is relatively easy for a woman to attract a man’s attention by enhancing her looks. It is more difficult for her to
Understanding female sexual desire
One of the misconceptions of the sexual revolution was the proposal that, for men and women to be equal, they had to be the same. But testosterone is the sex hormone. Men’s bodies are full of it but women have much lower levels of testosterone. Attributes traditionally considered feminine (e.g. being passive or accommodating) were
A sexual relationship
Judy married in the late 1950s; well before the average woman was informed about what a sexual relationship might involve. Judy’s aspirations were to provide a comfortable home for her family and to enjoy being a wife and a mother. When I talked to her, Judy was in her mid-sixties with grown up children and a
Orgasm techniques
The web shows just what an extraordinary level of interest there is (both from men and women) in suggestions for how a woman can orgasm during sex. Just to give a flavour, here are a few tips from the experts: Don’t worry because orgasm is not that important; Relax a bit more and stop concentrating
Sexual fantasies
On approaching masturbation, my first task is to identify a fantasy that will arouse me enough to reach orgasm. If I cannot achieve the necessary sexual arousal from fantasy then it makes not a jot of difference how vigorously or for how long I stimulate my clitoris. I know that orgasm is impossible. “However we
The 10 facts of female sexuality
Beliefs about female sexuality are more often based on fantasy than facts. These are the 10 essential facts that every sexual woman should know: (1) Enjoying orgasm through genital stimulation Anyone, male or female, alone or with a partner, uses genital stimulation to take a mental state of sexual arousal (achieved by appreciating eroticism) to
Lack of orgasm is not a sexual dysfunction
It is often suggested that a lack of female orgasm during sex is a sign of sexual dysfunction but the truth is that this is simply the way things are for women who hope for orgasm from their sexual relationships. A woman is lucky to orgasm by any means. The belief that women orgasm ‘naturally’
Women’s sexual arousal tends to be assumed or overlooked
Much of what is known about female orgasm comes from women’s experience of masturbation. Shere Hite’s work focused on female masturbation and the clitoris. As a research student in the United States in the early 1970s, Shere (pronounced ‘sherry’) Hite circulated a lengthy questionnaire through women’s magazines and to passers-by on the street. She asked
The ideal male lover
Alex Comfort’s book ‘The Joy of Sex’ (1972) documented primarily positions for intercourse that he and his mistress had found pleasurable as part of their affair. The affair was quite open and the two lovers shared the family home with his wife and son. Don’t get me wrong. What Alex Comfort achieved was amazing at
True female sexual arousal and orgasm
Any talk of sexual arousal and orgasm, usually focuses on women since men’s sexual arousal and orgasm tend to be a given. It is unthinkable that anyone needs to tell a man how to orgasm. By the time they are teenagers, boys have discovered how to enjoy their own sexual arousal, by looking at images
Women’s psychological sexual arousal
Even today, female sexual arousal is shrouded in mystery. Female orgasm is assumed to happen ‘naturally’ or with the assistance of a loving partner. No one needs to tell men how their sexual arousal works. Boys experience spontaneous erections so that male masturbation is inevitable. Girls do not develop the same genital focus and so
Difficulties in applying orgasm techniques to sex
Women’s orgasm techniques leant from masturbation (including both clitoral stimulation and use of sexual fantasies) are not always as easy to transfer to sex with a partner as experts imply. “Among all types of sexual activity, masturbation is, however, the one in which the female most frequently reaches orgasm. Even in her marital coitus the
Positions and techniques for sexual intercourse
Shere Hite explained in the 1970s how the women in her surveys reached orgasm during sex. She compared women’s success with orgasm during masturbation to their experience of intercourse and concluded that the difference was due to lack of clitoral stimulation. “To have an orgasm during intercourse, there are two ways a woman can increase
Transferring masturbation techniques to sex
Caroline lived on a farm as a child and was fortunate in having innocent and light-hearted sexual experiences as she grew up. Even as kids they would play the ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ game on the bus ride to school. Her mother insisted that Caroline went on the pill at
Why foreplay techniques don’t always work as we think they should
Foreplay has evolved as a means of compensating women for the lack of clitoral stimulation during intercourse. The concept behind foreplay techniques (including clitoral stimulation) is that a man should be able to arouse a woman sufficiently to enable him to continue stimulating her to orgasm through thrusting alone. One problem with foreplay is that
Contact Jane Thomas
Please connect with me on Twitter, ResearchGate, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Mastodon and Bluesky! Take a look at my books and watch my videos . You can also contact me directly by email! Many people describe their sex life, including evidence of female arousal, as if it came straight out erotic fiction. I have come to
How to enjoy your sexual fantasies
Women use clitoral stimulation during female masturbation but that’s just dessert. Main course is achieving sexual arousal though sexual fantasies. Many women never learn how to enjoy these. The first step in developing sexual fantasies is for a woman to read erotic stories without any goal except relaxation and enjoyment. I started reading erotica around
Reaching orgasm
Rose was a pretty woman even in her late forties. Despite being a mother and housewife she always achieved a classy presentation. Rose told me: “Although I masturbated as a youngster (from 14) it was never to orgasm. My first orgasm was by accident. It happened at 17 with a boyfriend – not during penetrative sex
How women enjoy eroticism through sex stories
Most heterosexual women do not masturbate. They also do not find the concepts of eroticism or fantasy that appealing. So who reads all the feminine erotica out there? Presumably some lesbian women masturbate and read erotica. In fact, female masturbation and clitoral stimulation are often associated with lesbianism. Perhaps this is why so much female
Women who use fantasy for sexual arousal
I have never been a romantic. But recently, I must have gone soft in the head because I now enjoy romantic dramas. I admire the hero’s masculinity, his body (admittedly fully clothed) and his portrayal of restrained sex drive. Romance may make a woman amenable to sex but I have not found that it helps
Sharing sexual fantasies
Although I knew that women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies during masturbation, when I approached orgasm during sex, I never considered using sexual fantasies to generate sexual arousal. The presence of another person makes it impossible to achieve the mental focus needed to reach orgasm through fantasy alone. “Women also often find it easier
Women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies
Real female orgasms involve the release of sexual emotions not romantic feelings. So it does not matter how much you love your partner, orgasm will not materialise out of thin air. Orgasm requires at least a few naughty thoughts from time to time, so if your conscience is as clear as a nun’s then you
Not every woman enjoys eroticism
Most girls probably read romantic stories but not everyone is comfortable with the more explicitly sexual nature of erotic stories, which help a woman develop the sexual fantasies that lead to orgasm. Our sexual fantasies represent the aspects of sex that we find most arousing and hence most taboo. “Although every child learns that pretending
Arousal comes from appreciating eroticism
Our ability to become sexually aroused through an appreciation of eroticism is a normal as well as a necessary part of human sexuality. Sex (male arousal and orgasm in particular) leads to family and yet hypocritically, while family is encouraged, sex remains taboo. Young boys learn about orgasm through masturbation because an erect penis is
How to give a woman an orgasm during sex
The suggestion is that for the perfect sex life a woman just needs to find the right man: usually a loving and considerate partner, who will, of course, know how to give her an orgasm. Self-evidently a woman needs a considerate lover if intercourse is to be a love-making act otherwise it is simply rape.
Clitoral stimulation is not everything
As long ago as the 1950s the clitoris, and not the vagina, was acknowledged to be the origin of female orgasm. So that by the 1960s when Masters and Johnson explained female orgasm from intercourse alone, it was in terms of women finding positions and techniques for sexual intercourse that maximise the indirect clitoral stimulation
Clitoral stimulation
William Masters and Virginia Johnson’s research in the 1960s focused on intercourse but even they acknowledged that the clitoris is the source of female orgasm (NOT the vagina as is often assumed). To explain female orgasm during intercourse, they suggested that the hood of the clitoris is pulled each time the penis thrusts into the
Orgasm during sex
Unfortunately, modern day sexology is not a science based on facts and logic but more a collection of beliefs and opinions. One expert will claim that all women orgasm by the age of 19; another asserts 30. Some say that clitoral stimulation is needed for orgasm and others that clitoral stimulation is irrelevant to female
What if female sexuality truly equalled male sexuality?
Imagine the scenario: a man and a woman facing each other, naked, in a world where men and women have an identical sex drive. So, of course, they are both standing there with an erection. Just to be clear: the man has an erect penis and the woman has an erect clitoris. Would they mutually
Lack of arousal during sex
Intimacy with a lover causes me to feel affectionate but I am rarely conscious of any sexual arousal. Whether it’s sex with a partner, or masturbation for that matter, I am usually pretty much stone cold in arousal terms at the start. I might conclude that I am frigid if it were not for the
Women’s sexual dysfunction
Although many sources refer to women’s ‘sexual dysfunction’, it is rare to find a definition of what is supposed to be sexually ‘normal’ for women in the first place. Sex involves both reproduction and sexual pleasure. So in reproductive terms, a man could be described as sexually dysfunctional if he cannot impregnate a female (male
How to orgasm
Shere Hite explained how women apply orgasm techniques in order to orgasm during intercourse. Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic and so women have to learn how to orgasm. Inevitably, such techniques take time to develop. “… the two reasons women don’t orgasm during intercourse are: (1) they are given false information, specifically
The facts of female sexuality
Shere Hite pointed out in 1976 that intercourse does not provide the specific clitoral stimulation that women need to orgasm. So, it is very likely that any woman who claims easy orgasm during intercourse is mistaken. Especially given so few women masturbate and so most do not know what orgasm is. Women’s talk of the
Most women are not aiming for orgasm through genital stimulation
Some women refer to ‘making love’ because the term more accurately describes their motives in terms of loving emotions rather than as an explicit sex drive. Modern expectations cause some women to talk about their sexual experiences (whatever they are) in terms of arousal and orgasm. Some women knowingly fake orgasm but there is almost
Understanding the G-spot
The Gräfenberg Spot, or G-Spot, has been surrounded by controversy ever since its ‘discovery’ only decades ago. Some women may have one about an inch or so (2-5cm) up in the front wall of the vagina. The G-spot is believed to be an erogenous zone which when stimulated can lead to high levels of sexual
Real female orgasms
In the film ‘Private Benjamin’, a group of female army recruits sits around a campfire during an overnight exercise. One of the women says: “I had an orgasm once…” and the others giggle. She goes on to say in a disappointed tone “…but I was alone!” Her girlfriends laugh sympathetically. In the film, Goldie Hawn
The ‘non-genital’ female orgasm
In response to my suggestion that it was ridiculous to suggest that a man can give a woman an orgasm, a man wrote: “My wife is consistently orgasmic. They are obviously not faked. She can’t fake the cries, the involuntary movements, the demands for more stimulation, and everything else that goes with orgasm. I’ve offered
Enjoying sexual pleasure
When it was suggested recently that UK schools should explain the role of the clitoris, mothers were up in arms. They objected to their daughters knowing that a girl might find it pleasurable later in her life to touch her clitoris. There was no uproar over boys’ genitals. Were the boys also told that their
How we enjoy our best orgasms
Shere Hite identified two main approaches that women used to increase clitoral stimulation and their chances of orgasm during intercourse. They either maximised DIRECT clitoral stimulation by using masturbation during sex or they used positions and techniques for sexual intercourse that maximised INDIRECT clitoral stimulation caused by the penis thrusting into the vagina. “… orgasm
Comparing orgasm from female masturbation and with a partner
Graphs are not very exciting concepts but nevertheless they can be useful. Imagine the male orgasm graph which looks a little like a vertical phallic symbol. Then imagine the female orgasm graph which looks like the outline of a woman’s vulva. The male experience is shorter but more intense. The female experience is longer but
How to use a vibrator to discover orgasm
Laura was educated and cultured but she also had a worldliness and the classy sex appeal that attracts the most ambitious men. In her early thirties, Laura told me that she had always been confident that she had orgasms during sex. “…in regard to sexual responsiveness the female matures much later than the male.” (p126
How a woman can learn to masturbate
If a woman is open-minded to the idea of exploring eroticism, she should start by reading some erotic literature. I suggest: ‘Emmanuelle’ by Emmanuelle Arsan: relates the sexual adventures of young women; ‘The Happy Hooker’ by Xaviera Hollander: describes the author’s experiences of pleasuring men as a high-class prostitute and the madam of a brothel;
Techniques women use to reach orgasm
I’m sure that men will understand the point. We express our sexuality through two basic phenomena: Firstly, enjoying our own PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal by appreciating eroticism; and Secondly, bringing our sexual arousal to orgasm by PHYSICAL stimulation of the genitals. Yet many women are shocked by eroticism (whether visual or verbal pornography, erotica or the concept
Women have to learn how to orgasm
In the film ‘Shirley Valentine’ (1989), Pauline Collins plays Shirley, a middle-aged housewife. Shirley comments: “I’m not particularly fond of it – sex. I think sex is like supermarkets, you know, overrated. Just a lot of pushing and shoving and you still come out with very little in the end.” (Note: this film was set
Women have to learn how their sexual arousal works
Some women appear to be so sheltered from the world of adult eroticism that one wonders if they have ever experienced sexual urges of any kind. Nancy, a recently widowed woman in her seventies became acquainted with John, a man of the same age, during a stay in hospital. On the grounds of friendship, they
Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic
Almost complete mystery surrounds women’s sexual arousal. Women’s PHYSICAL arousal is rarely acknowledged and our understanding of women’s PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal is very vague. No wonder many of us gain the impression that female orgasms simply mushroom up out of nowhere. Explanations for women’s sexual arousal often defy belief. It is suggested that women, unlike men
Women’s sex drive to orgasm during sex
Becky explained via e-mail: “I had my first orgasm at 26 during masturbation – pretty late I know & since then no stopping me with the sex toys : ) . Plenty of my girlfriends have not though – and like you say, don’t seem too bothered about it which I can’t understand.” Despite this
Female masturbation is relatively uncommon
Carolyn, a relationship counsellor in her fifties, told me she thought it unwise to positively encourage female masturbation. She did not give her reasons. “Many women think of masturbation as unnatural and disgusting and a complete waste of time, and don’t understand why anybody does it and are unsympathetic to the view that people might
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal is a mental state that arises when the mind responds to PSYCHOLOGICAL stimuli (of an erotic or sexual nature). Sexual arousal is evidenced by PHYSICAL phenomena such as increased blood flow to the erectile organ (penis/clitoris). Both sexes can express their sexuality through sexual arousal and orgasm but since men’s arousal happens spontaneously
Sexual desire
Kinsey shocked the world in the 1950s with his revelation that SOME women experience orgasm. The popular message became: all women ‘naturally’ orgasm during sex. But this was never true. “In the later teens, when… the average male was at the peak of his sexual capacity and activity -, there was still nearly a half
Why sex is called ‘making love’
The heterosexual act of vaginal intercourse is designed foremost as an expression of love between a man and a woman. After all, if sex was purely about two people reaching orgasm, then we would more naturally engage in activities that involve more direct genital stimulation. Intercourse is a natural progression from kissing to a man
Intercourse does not facilitate female orgasm
Men’s sexual arousal is usually easy, which gives them a natural advantage. As a consequence, while men can usually hope for orgasm from their sexual encounters, most women have to settle for the more diffused sensations of sexual arousal. “Sex is a very different experience for women and men. A man experiences pleasure primarily as
Women settle for emotional intimacy over sexual arousal
On relating our experience to others, we all tend to gloss over details or not own up to difficulties that were perhaps transient. I told Linda, a mother of three in her late forties, that I had never had an orgasm during intercourse. Linda looked at me incredulously and laughed as if I must be
How to get laid
Men should take comfort from the facts of female sexuality. Most women are unlikely to orgasm from intercourse alone (which provides insufficient clitoral stimulation for orgasm) and yet amazingly few women ask about lack of orgasm. In addition to the obvious personal embarrassment, likely explanations include: Not every woman is interested in orgasm, whether from
Sheltering young women from eroticism
Reading the word ‘sexy’, a boy of nine screwed up his face in a gesture of disgust and said “Yuck!”. I asked him why and he replied, “Because my parents told me it’s disgusting”. Presumably these parents are trying to warn their son away from the temptations of sexual pleasure with its associated immoral behaviour.
Why do so many women dislike eroticism?
Pornography is defined to be ‘sexually explicit material (verbal or pictorial) that is primarily designed to produce sexual arousal‘. Two women give their views on pornography. Helen Longino, the American philosopher: “I define pornography as verbal or pictorial explicit representations of sexual behavior that … have as a distinguishing characteristic ‘the degrading and demeaning portrayal
Why do women not always appreciate displays of male sexuality?
I have never seen any reason to be embarrassed about my body. I am pretty. I have sensual skin that browns easily and a sexy figure. My parents were always relaxed about nudity. So when I was eighteen, out in the South of France for the summer, I enjoyed going top-less sunbathing. Why have those
A man’s sexual arousal can be very flattering
In the early days of a romance, a man feels loved and needed through sex. A man’s sexual admiration for a woman makes her feel cared for and appreciated. “Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed… Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished…” (p43 Men are from Mars, Women are from
Sex and love
A BBC documentary ‘The Human Body’ presented by Dr Robert Winston films a sex education class. First the teacher writes the word ‘SEX’ in large letters on the blackboard and then asks the teenagers to suggest other words associated with sex. After the standard contributions the teacher adds the word missing from the list: ‘LOVE’.
Female sexuality in perspective
Humans are one of the few mammals known to have intercourse even when the female is not in estrus (the fertile period in the female’s reproductive cycle). Intelligent social animals learn that cooperative behaviour can be far more successful than that of any individual alone. Thus human sexuality has evolved beyond the immediate needs of
My research
Jane talks about ‘Ways Women Orgasm’ with accompanying slides to download! Standing in the street outside a sex clinic on London’s Harley Street, I paused a moment to consider: “What on earth am I doing here?” Well, quite simply I wanted to know why, despite being able to enjoy orgasm through masturbation since adolescence, I
Understanding women’s sexual arousal
Sex is associated with reproduction and with pleasure. Male orgasm is usually co-incident with ejaculation which leads to reproduction but female orgasm is not required for a woman to become pregnant. So it’s at least possible that women may experience sexual pleasure (including sexual desire, sexual arousal and orgasm) differently to men. Men discover orgasm
Why sexual arousal is more elusive for women
Sexual desire is associated with ‘sex drive’. The male sex drive is a man’s biological drive to procreate by thrusting into a woman’s vagina until ejaculation (usually co-incident with male orgasm). Before the sexual revolution a woman was seen to have a complementary (not identical) sexual role to men in terms of accepting a man’s
Male nudity does not cause female sexual arousal
The naked male body can be a beautiful sight and yet our heterosexual society is dominated by images of women’s bodies. The ancient Greeks were more relaxed about homosexuality and statues indicate their appreciation of the sensual male nude. [ddownload id=”33286″] Gay men certainly appreciate the naked male, including male genitals but women are often
Sexual arousal from romantic emotions
Many women talk about sexual arousal and orgasm in terms of their relationship. They describe their loving feelings for their partner and explain their sexual arousal in terms of the idea that their partner finds them attractive. Masturbation has no meaning for them because, for such women, sex focuses on the emotional benefits of sharing
Women often assume sexual arousal during sex
Unless they masturbate, most women are unaware that clitoral stimulation is needed for female orgasm. Equally, they are unaware that before genital stimulation can be effective, a person needs to know how to achieve true sexual arousal, which depends on an appreciation of eroticism (images for men; scenarios for women). From puberty onwards men’s sexual
Some women never tune into eroticism
Angela, a woman in her early twenties, was having relationship problems with her boyfriend of six months. She was upset that he enjoyed looking at other women. She got him to agree to stop buying pornographic magazines, which she found demeaning. ”Porn to men is not a big deal. They honestly can’t see how watching
Confusion over female orgasm
When they talk about their sexual relationships with men, women will often refer to love, trust and commitment. These factors are obviously important for the stability of long-term relationships that family life depends on. But they are not factors that will help a woman learn how to enjoy orgasm during sex. Many women see sex
The mystery of female sexual arousal
In the film ‘True Lies’ (1994) Jamie Lee Curtis, as the dowdy housewife turned spy in the role of a prostitute, performs a sexy pole dance for her screen husband Arnold Schwarzenegger. It seems so natural that a man’s arousal comes from admiring a woman’s body. Yet we never question why a man’s foreplay techniques
Sexual arousal during intercourse
When I had sex for the first time, I was disappointed because I had hoped that sex would be spontaneously arousing enough for me to orgasm. I didn’t have any clear idea about what I would do during sex except perhaps to respond affectionately to my lover’s love-making. It’s amazing when you think of it.
Women’s sexual arousal
Published in 1972, ‘Joy of Sex’ by Alex Comfort MD was revolutionary at the time because it suggested a new openness and a sense of fun in modern sexual relationships. Liberal-minded couples welcomed the idea that it could now be considered normal and ‘uninhibited’ to enjoy sex as a natural part of an adult relationship.
Female masturbation
As our bodies develop through puberty, young men and women become aware of themselves as very different sexual beings. Boys have erections as early as 8 or 9. During puberty the penis increases substantially in size and becomes much more responsive to stimulation, both mental and physical. By the age of 12 or 13, most
Female sexuality
Sex is associated with pleasure (through sexual arousal and orgasm) as well as with reproduction (through family and relationships). However male and female sexuality are, often implicitly, defined differently in terms of the importance of the relationship aspects of sex. For example, men are motivated to enjoy their own sexual arousal and orgasm regardless of
Sex for life
One great aspect of men growing older is that they become slightly less obsessed with their own sexual arousal and need for sexual release. Now that his own need for orgasm is less pressing, my partner is able to focus on my arousal and can bring me to orgasm through using a combination of anal
Bibliography
Reference Sexual behavior in the human female – Alfred Kinsey, Wardell Pomeroy, Clyde Martin & Paul Gebhard (1953) The Hite Report (on Female Sexuality) – Shere Hite (1976) The Hite Report on Male Sexuality – Shere Hite (1981) Dictionary of Sexual Terms – Michael Carrera (1992) Human Sexuality (fifth edition) – William Masters, Virginia Johnson
Men hope a lover will enhance their sexual arousal
The sex industry (prostitution and pornography) is a clear indication that men’s desire to enjoy their own sexual arousal and orgasm cannot be satisfied through their relationships with women alone. It’s easy for a woman to figure out that men want sex… but they also want to be loved and appreciated through their sexual relationship.
Long-term sexual relationships
Why in our liberated times do women still accept ‘putting up with sex’ just to avoid being single? I am not judging anyone else’s experiences. If other women are content with sex as they find it – I’m very happy for them. But are they really? Or are they simply more accepting? A woman in
How men appreciate sex and love
My mother never talked to me much about sex but she did tell me to respect a man’s sexual ego. She believed that a man’s sexual performance relies on a sensitive lover who understands how to play to a man’s sexual fantasies. A man hopes for a lover who is enthusiastic about sharing physical intimacy
Holding men responsible for women’s sexual arousal
Men are often blamed, unfairly, for the difficulties that women have with orgasm during sex. For example, it is suggested that, by coming too soon, a man fails to provide enough stimulation. In fact, intercourse is unlikely to provide women with enough clitoral stimulation regardless of how long the man keeps thrusting for. “Closely linked
Male sexuality involves a high sex drive
Faking illustrates how women are more concerned about keeping their partners happy or not appearing inadequate than they are about reaching orgasm. Otherwise, they would admit their problem and try to find a solution. Likewise, the debate over which body part needs to be stimulated for female orgasm arises because many women don’t know how
Men’s sexual arousal is usually easy
Young men wake up each morning with an erection and have spontaneous erections throughout the day as sex-related thoughts occur to them or simply as a result of seeing someone they find attractive. A boy has no choice but to learn about his sexual arousal and orgasm but, for women, learning how to orgasm is
The marvel of male sexuality
The film ‘The Way We Were’ (1973) stars Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford (the Brad Pitt of my mother’s generation). She’s the young woman from a humble background driven by political ideals; he’s the young man from a privileged family who has no ideals. Of course she’s a virgin and she ends up one night with
Men’s sexual fantasies
In pursuit of knowledge and understanding of sexual arousal, I went to a large newsagent in London’s Oxford Street to review the covers of fifty or more pornographic magazines lined up on the top shelf. Over 90% were directed towards heterosexual men. Most of the remainder was male homosexual pornography. The few pornographic magazines for
Men are fascinated by sex
When I was seeing Bruce, a sexual psychologist, Peter also went along for one session by himself. It was a rare opportunity for two men to compare notes on techniques for female sexual arousal. Peter told Bruce how he had masturbated a woman on a transatlantic flight. He had told her about some sexual fantasy
Welcome to Ways Women Orgasm!
For many women, orgasm is never an issue. Sex fulfils all their expectations for a romantic and passionate ‘love-making’ act. Women, who approach sex purely through their relationship, hope for little more than the sensual and emotional aspects of sex. Others appreciate that orgasm involves sexual arousal and genital stimulation. Women who are familiar with
How a woman can enjoy sex play
In the novelty of a new sexual relationship, I have explored a variety of sexual activities with a partner. So, in addition to vaginal intercourse missionary style, in the early days we tried oral sex, manual clitoral stimulation and different positions for intercourse. I enjoyed the role of the prostitute, giving pleasure to my man
Pleasuring a woman
An erection might feel good but it is likely to be a disadvantage if a man wants to devote time to pleasuring a woman. After all, two minutes is a typical time given for a man to reach orgasm! A man can learn techniques for slowing his arousal and increasing the time he takes to
Making the most of sex play
Overall my partner and I have been lucky to have enjoyed exploring eroticism and sex play together. Sure we have had our ups and downs like anyone else. There have also been many positive moments. When I am in a romantic mood, perhaps after a movie or after spending companionable time with my partner, it
Sexual relationships favour male orgasm
Younger women are often seen to be more sexual simply because, until they find their mate, they have more incentive to be popular with men. Dating includes sex as part of a ‘wine and dine’ package fuelled on both sides by sexual ego. Sex is fun because of the chase and the novelty of an
Women who enjoy their own sexual arousal
Perhaps it would be simpler if I explained that I am targeting women who masturbate regularly in order to enjoy their own sexual arousal and orgasm. Other women can be totally convinced that sexual arousal is easy and I am very happy for them. But if you do not masturbate then you cannot usefully comment
Difficulty reaching orgasm during sex
The website ‘Go Ask Alice!’ confirms that it is likely to be difficult for a woman to reach orgasm through intercourse since the clitoris is not located inside a woman’s vagina. They suggest that women should aim to have their orgasm during other sexual activity either before or after intercourse. Any woman who can climax
Why sex is fun
If the male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men would be happy settling for masturbation instead of sex. No doubt a great deal of time and money would be saved but life wouldn’t be so much fun! Men have evolved a desire for penetration above all else because it leads to
Lust is good
I suppose that I have been lucky. My sexual desire to enjoy my own sexual arousal and orgasm is evidently unusual for a woman. I know that this is unusual because most women talk of love, trust and commitment. From time to time, I positively enjoy jumping on my man. But it doesn’t work like
How do women achieve sexual arousal during sex?
Some women happily accept the modern media’s portrayal of women as complete sexual beings, for whom spontaneously orgasmic sex is as much of a given as it is for a man. Other women find that orgasms do not ‘just happen’. Pressure to find answers comes not only from the woman who hopes to enjoy what
Eroticism
Men and women live in different worlds when it comes to attitudes to eroticism. I suggested that most women today know how to pleasure a man but a British sex expert (male) disagreed: “They haven’t a clue, and even if they knew, most wouldn’t do it.” A joke illustrates the point: “What is the difference
Physical intimacy
In the film ‘Basic Instinct’ (1992) Michael Douglas, playing the detective, asks Sharon Stone, playing the millionairess, whether she enjoyed having sex with her ex-lover. She replies that she liked having sex with him because he was ‘good with his hands’. Pleasuring a woman is more likely to involve a man using his hands during
Emotional intimacy
Enjoying sex for life involves continuing to be thrilled by each other’s company in a broader sense than just sex. It involves demonstrating affection by reacting sensitively to each other’s needs. The physical intimacy of sex (because of its highly personal nature) leads to emotional intimacy where there is trust and respect. Women perhaps focus