One would expect the regularity of intercourse to depend partly upon a woman’s motivation. But Kinsey found the rates of sexual outlet (made up mostly of intercourse) for married men who are early adolescents to be about twice as high as the outlet of men who become adolescent later. This was the same difference he found for single men (whose outlet is primarily masturbation)! So intercourse frequencies correlate with male sex drive. [i]
This is hardly surprising given intercourse has nothing to do with female orgasm. Some women openly admit their schemes to avoid sex, for example, by going to bed at different times. They succeed because their partners are too timid to insist. Such tactics do not work with a highly-sexed man.
Men may complain about a lack of sex in marriage but not every man is willing to leave his wife and possibly his family to get it. Men with low sex drives may be able to put up with a sexless marriage later in life. But men with a high drive cannot imagine life without sex. So the system is self-regulating to a degree because such men simply find another woman.
An Indian woman explained that she stopped offering intercourse once they had more children than they could feed. But her husband just went to prostitutes instead. She concluded “Men must have a vagina!” She decided to risk more children so that her husband’s income would support her family (rather than prostitutes). As populations grow, our survival will depend on our ability to face emotional rather than technical challenges.
Men are true innocents! They claim to have no idea of the deception their fantasies force on women. The idea that a woman enjoys sex (or is assumed to have an orgasm) validates men. The fact that she may have to be cajoled into bed does not strike men as a contradiction. The emotional bonding process makes this behaviour core to men’s sexuality. A man’s pleasure is assumed. But as women rarely initiate or drive sexual activity, a man seeks some reassurance that a woman is sufficiently enthusiastic about intercourse that she will continue providing a regular sexual outlet.
Men in turn are bemused and confused by women’s contradictory behaviours. There is so much talk of women enjoying sex and wanting sex as much as men do. Many men then find that their wives and girlfriends are rarely that keen. Men are left trying to guess when might be a suitable time to suggest sex. There are no sources of advice. Even asking the question is embarrassing because it reveals a possible failing on someone’s part given the universal promotion of intercourse as a natural instinct for everyone.
[i] … the married males who have the highest total outlets, most of which depend upon high frequencies of marital intercourse, are for every social level, those who become adolescent first. … this indicates that the wife’s part in determining the frequency of marital intercourse is not as important as one might expect (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (ISBN 978-0956-894724)