Anorgasmia, preorgasmia and vaginismus
Women who masturbate themselves to orgasm are called pre-orgasmic. Rather than celebrate the fact that they experience orgasm , the implication is that women are inadequate because (regardless of any scientific facts or logic) they cannot please a man by having their orgasms during intercourse. Men’s sex drive makes intercourse an obligatory activity for heterosexuals.
Difficulty reaching orgasm during sex
The website ‘Go Ask Alice!’ confirms that it is likely to be difficult for a woman to reach orgasm through intercourse since the clitoris is not located inside a woman’s vagina. They suggest that women should aim to have their orgasm during other sexual activity either before or after intercourse. Any woman who can climax
Premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction
It’s not uncommon for a man to have a problem with erections from time to time. But erectile dysfunction (ED) that happens routinely is not normal and should be treated. ED is defined as difficulty getting or keeping an erection that’s firm enough for intercourse. ED is the most common sexual problem that men report
Bringing variety of situation and technique to intercourse
Although intercourse provides little internal sensation, a woman feels some external pressure. When a man thrusts deeply [i] the base of his penis may thump or brush against her vulva (the clitoris and labia) and perineum (towards the anus). She may enjoy the eroticism of being dominated (from the whole-body contact and his weight) and
Why sex is fun
If the male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men would be happy settling for masturbation instead of sex. No doubt a great deal of time and money would be saved but life wouldn’t be so much fun! Men have evolved a desire for penetration above all else because it leads to
The misunderstandings behind sexual dysfunction
True sexual dysfunctions are very rare. The word dysfunction implies that something is not working properly. In order to define dysfunction, we must first define normal functioning. We also need to specify whether we are talking about reproductive function, erotic orgasm or emotional pleasure. A woman may feel miserable if she cannot conceive but sexual
Women’s ability to engage in sex is not limited by orgasm
Female orgasm is not easy and to suggest otherwise trivialises the effort women’s partners make to arouse them. Women respond to please a lover. [i] This does not make them doormats. Women have other emotional and pecuniary needs. But sexual relationships would simply not as they do function if women were as egotistical as it
Lust is good
I suppose that I have been lucky. My sexual desire to enjoy my own sexual arousal and orgasm is evidently unusual for a woman. I know that this is unusual because most women talk of love, trust and commitment. From time to time, I positively enjoy jumping on my man. But it doesn’t work like
Sex as a bargaining chip in loving relationships
When we are single, we can focus on our own selfish needs. But when we have a relationship with another person, we need to consider their needs as well as our own. Sometimes these two demands conflict. Relationships of any kind are an inevitable compromise. Men obtain their prime emotional reward through penetrative sex. A
Responsive women use surreal fantasy to generate arousal
Before I started my research, I hadn’t appreciated that my experience was so unusual. Reading Hite’s work in my early twenties, reassured me that I was not alone. Both Kinsey and Hite documented many women who knew that orgasm is rarely possible with a lover. But in many years of talking about sex on the
How do women achieve sexual arousal during sex?
Some women happily accept the modern media’s portrayal of women as complete sexual beings, for whom spontaneously orgasmic sex is as much of a given as it is for a man. Other women find that orgasms do not ‘just happen’. Pressure to find answers comes not only from the woman who hopes to enjoy what
The misconceptions that arise from pornography
Pornography provides boys with completely unrealistic images of women’s sexuality. The female body is sexualised and objectified (projected in way that causes male arousal). Such images give misleading impressions about women’s sexual willingness and availability. This issue needs to be addressed by sex educators if boys are to have healthy relationships and find emotional happiness.
Women’s need for affection drives regular relationship sex
While women often fail to appreciate the importance men place on eroticism, men seldom appreciate the importance women place on affection. Sex is so much more rewarding for women when they feel affection for their lover. In the early days, a man is more motivated to show his appreciation for a lover by being affectionate.
Eroticism
Men and women live in different worlds when it comes to attitudes to eroticism. I suggested that most women today know how to pleasure a man but a British sex expert (male) disagreed: “They haven’t a clue, and even if they knew, most wouldn’t do it.” A joke illustrates the point: “What is the difference
Men and women’s perspectives on relationships
Sexuality is about a sexual relationship, which includes social, emotional and sexual aspects. Long-term committed relationships are vital to supporting families over the decades needed to raise children. Men tend to focus on their sexual needs while most women hope for affectionate companionship. Sex education should present the different moral and social issues that are
Women have sex for emotional (rather than erotic) reasons
Sexual phenomena, such as arousal and orgasm, rely on explicitly adult themes. Anyone, who assumes these phenomena only occur in a relationship [i] with one person, is mistaking the romantic rewards of lovemaking with a loving partner for an erotic response that provides a sexual release. It is often suggested that women enjoy sex. This
Physical intimacy
In the film ‘Basic Instinct’ (1992) Michael Douglas, playing the detective, asks Sharon Stone, playing the millionairess, whether she enjoyed having sex with her ex-lover. She replies that she liked having sex with him because he was ‘good with his hands’. Pleasuring a woman is more likely to involve a man using his hands during
Everyone achieves orgasm in similar ways
Orgasm is a primitive response of the human body. It is achieved through an identical mechanism regardless of gender and orientation. The key characteristics of orgasm include: mental arousal must precede stimulation, stimulation focuses on massaging the blood flow within the corpora cavernosa of the phallus and stimulation ceases once orgasm is achieved. People often
Male arousal is acute but female arousal is subconscious
When we look at how men orgasm, it is clear that a man must have an erection before he can attempt orgasm. Only when a man has an erection, does the penis respond (when the shaft is massaged) in such a way as to cause orgasm. This is true regardless of the activity a man
Emotional intimacy
Enjoying sex for life involves continuing to be thrilled by each other’s company in a broader sense than just sex. It involves demonstrating affection by reacting sensitively to each other’s needs. The physical intimacy of sex (because of its highly personal nature) leads to emotional intimacy where there is trust and respect. Women perhaps focus
Explaining men and women’s sexual behaviours
Men and women behave very differently in sexual scenarios. Key behaviours include male promiscuity, women’s sexual passivity and women’s focus on relationships. We use behaviours to enhance the way others see us. This has nothing to do with responsiveness. Women use behaviours more than men do. Some people try to enhance the perception others have
Some men expect women to make sex exciting for them
Films use sound effects to indicate a couple having sex off-screen: a regular banging (of a bed against a wall) and the woman’s vocal accompaniment. Such scenes may represent a turn-on for men but it seems to me that men enjoy making female arousal into a tasteless joke. Male fantasies put tremendous pressure on women
Spice up your sex life
A young woman, who had promised her father that she would remain a virgin until a certain age, complied with his request by having anal sex with her partners (Note: STD protection and contraceptives still required). Unsurprisingly, she was very popular with men who tend not to be so hung-up about breaking sexual taboos. To
Sexual behaviours compensate for responsiveness
We cannot start to understand sexuality unless we differentiate between responsiveness and conscious behaviours . For the most part, our minds and bodies function in similar ways regardless of sex or orientation. We cannot control the level of our sex drive, the erotic stimuli that cause our arousal and the frequency with which we orgasm.
Women have more reason to invest in a loving relationship
Young women cannot possibly imagine the challenge of a sexual relationship spanning decades. They experience sex through spontaneous and romantic interludes. Long-term relationships take effort on both sides. They are not a whirlwind of sexual passion from beginning to end. A man enjoys sexual activity most with a lover who assumes a proactive role in
How to pleasure a man
Tracy Cox (author of ‘Hot Sex’ 1998) tells the story of a woman who welcomes her partner home wearing a sexy nightdress, with champagne by the bed and a pornographic movie ready to play. If she does this regularly over the longer term then I take my hat off to her! Her partner is a
Misunderstandings over how orgasm is achieved
The issue of female orgasm with a lover is at the core of sexual politics. Men want to feel valued as lovers. Women want to keep men happy in bed so they get other things in exchange such as love, support and companionship. The confusion over female orgasm is down to two main factors. Firstly
The penis is an external organ but the clitoris is internal
The clitoris is the equivalent organ to the penis. They both develop from the genital tubercle in the foetus. The suggestion is that the two organs respond identically in the same scenarios (masturbation, intercourse and oral sex). Yet the penis is always stimulated directly. The clitoral organ is supposedly prodded through the walls of the
Some women do explore sexual pleasure
Slowly attitudes to sexual pleasure are changing and more couples are approaching their sex life with a willingness to try activities other than vaginal intercourse. Basically, if you are struggling with lack of arousal during sex and genuinely want to share your own arousal with a partner then you will need to be prepared to
Women have varying degrees of sexual willingness
Human beings are sociable animals. Most of us want to be accepted in our social group. We want to share experiences. We hope to enjoy the company of others. We are reassured by the support of family, friends and a lover. It is also a survival strategy because humans tend to attack those who are
Women’s talk of orgasm does not lead to more sex for men
Ironically (because only male responsiveness declines with age) women are often more sexually active when younger. Once a woman has children, she is much less motivated by sex. Women are more confident about admitting that intercourse does not cause orgasm as they age, by acquiring status or wealth or through education. Women today say they
Sharing physical intimacy with a partner
I always enjoyed sharing physical intimacy with a lover but this is very different to achieving my own sexual arousal. I always knew that true sexual arousal was missing because I was familiar with orgasm from the very first time that I had sex. Very few women discover female masturbation so early in their life. From
Women are often disappointed with casual sex
We are all living longer due to improved health and lifestyles. So ‘til death do us part’ is much longer than it used to be centuries ago. Some couples like the idea that they are not bound solely to each other for decades. For most couples this is not an option and adultery is a
The idea that women are naturally aroused with a lover
Jane’s slides on ‘Relationship Sex’ help explain female arousal. The very first time I had sex, I knew that something was up. I felt absolutely nothing. I just lay there wondering what was going on until my partner had finished. I concluded the whole thing was a hoax. But because of the ignorance in our
Women who want to enjoy sexual pleasure
When I was growing up there was never any embarrassment over nudity at home. As divorcees, my parents naturally enjoyed sexual relationships with various partners from time to time. So I have never seen any reason why I should not enjoy the same easy sexual arousal and orgasm apparently promised by erotic fiction. Especially since
Women attract men by sexualising themselves
We wear clothes for protection, for warmth, for decency and also for display. The need to differentiate ourselves depends on our personality. Many women believe it is an essential part of their femininity to display their bodies. As long as there are no consequences (they are protected from male advances), women enjoy the admiration they
A woman may offer intercourse when she feels appreciated
Romance involves a man demonstrating his interest in a woman as a person. This personalised attention helps a woman interpret a man’s sex drive as being directed towards her as an individual. This is why men still pay for dates that don’t necessarily end in sex. [i] A woman offers physical intimacy to a man
Sexual pleasure
Self-evidently there are ‘responsible’ aspects of sex as well as the ‘pleasurable’ but sexual ignorance is of no use to anyone. Young women today are more likely to end up pregnant as a result of pressure from men or from idealised images of motherhood than from any hope of enjoying sexual pleasure. Providing girls with
The sexual politics of women competing over men
If men and women wanted the same thing there would be no sexual politics . Men and women are at odds because they want different things. Marriage comes with its privileges and obligations. A man’s reward is regular sex. A woman’s reward is caring for those she loves. Sexual politics involves men and women using
Women are sexually passive due to lack of erotic arousal
Sexual reproduction even in plants (pollination) involves pollen being transferred (by wind or bees, for example) from the male reproductive part (the anther, part of the stamen) to the female reproductive part (the stigma, the tip of the pistil) of the plant. The male part is active and the female part is static. This is
Very few women talk about orgasm
After finding no answers from talking to experts, I decided to do my own research by talking to women I came across in everyday life. I wrote about some of my experiences and conclusions and then asked women whether they would be willing to read what I had written. I made it clear that there
Sex as a competitive sport and erotic entertainment
A woman values a man as a social asset (who has status and experience). But a man values a woman as a sexual asset. A young woman is a trophy because of her attractiveness and her inexperience. A man enjoys knowing that his lover is attractive not only to himself but also to other men.
Showing sexual initiative and providing erotic feedback
Doesn’t anyone else find it odd (and very convenient!) that modern advice on female orgasm just so happens to reflect almost exactly how women’s responsiveness is portrayed in pornography? Real women are obliged to exaggerate their apparent responsiveness to encourage a lover to keep going and to substitute for the much more obvious signs of
Why is sexual pleasure still taboo?
If sex is so equal then why would anyone need to pay for sex? Prostitution exists because men’s drive to enjoy sexual pleasure cannot always be satisfied through relationships. Most women interpret their sexual experiences in emotional terms as ‘making love’. Consequently, wives and girlfriends are often reluctant to offer more sexually explicit sexual pleasuring. Given
Women are not respected for being promiscuous
A polite way of expressing some men’s enjoyment of promiscuity is to say that they like the ladies. There is no equivalent expression to describe a woman who is promiscuous. The term lady is used as a form of respect that is needed because of the disrespect men often display towards women. A man defends
The female mind responds to many fewer erotic turn-ons
Male orgasm is most usually associated with erotic stimuli. [i] Yet it is often suggested (erroneously) that women need emotional stimuli to achieve orgasm. This misunderstanding arises because most women only engage in sexual activity as part of a loving relationship. It is, in fact, the very different levels of men and women’s sexual responsiveness
Women who enjoy sexual pleasure
Naturally, some women insist that they are just as sexually driven as men. Even today when pornography dominates 90% of the Internet, women remain incredibly naive about men’s passion for sex. One woman said: “The basics are this: men like sex and will give affection to get it. Women like affection, and get it during
Prostitution generally involves men paying for sex
There have always been some women who are willing to offer men sex on demand. But they want to be paid. By far the most common form of prostitution involves women providing sexual services to men. The second most common sexual service is for gay men (4% of the male population). Women usually pay male
Only men are aroused in anticipation of sexual activity
Off the coast of France, at Cannes, there is an island where people are permitted to bathe nude. Nude bathing is popular in France, particularly along the south coast and there are many nudist beaches. My partner and I went there (not for that reason!) and walked around the island by the coast path. Knowing
Emotional intimacy may lead to physical intimacy
Sex does not stand alone in a relationship and in long-term sexual relationships couples need to invest in quality time together. The candle-lit dinners, soft music and flowers we tend to associate with romance provide the backdrop for the companionable aspects of a relationship. Emotional intimacy comes from spending intimate time together by sharing conversation
The sex industry focuses on male gratification
Sexuality is about talking, observing or interacting with others in return for payment or other non-relationship rewards. Depending on our personality we may employ a variety of behaviours and attitudes to attract, impress or arouse a potential lover. Sexual contacts are usually a private affair. We are either alone or with one other person. Most
Married men have sex more often than single men do
Despite the complaints, research indicates that married men have more sex [i] than single men do. Men may look for other pleasures when they pay for sex but they are usually happy to settle for intercourse with their wives. So men may fantasise about (apparently available) single women but, ultimately, they return home to have
Bringing more realism to sex advice
It is natural that female sexuality is misrepresented by the media. We all watch films and read books in part to be entertained. We don’t necessarily want to see real life because we know what that’s like. We want to be uplifted by a fantasy view of the world. Unfortunately this huge gap between sexual
Welcome to Learn About Sexuality!
Our society provides no sex education . The magazine articles, we glance at occasionally, regurgitate the same old wives’ tales. We rely on so-called sex experts not because they have special knowledge or experience but just because so few people are willing to talk about sex in public. Despite the universal silence from women on
Men enjoy penetration and thrusting more than orgasm
Everyone gets terribly emotional about insisting that women should orgasm with a lover and yet female orgasm serves no useful purpose at all. The function of female orgasm is simple: women’s pleasure (not men’s). Men are not motivated by orgasm (which ends their enjoyment of engaging in sexual activity) but by the rewards of intercourse.
Advice on female orgasm
Given the practical nature of sex (book-learning only gets you so far!) we tend to assume that sex experts have personal experience to support their ‘expertise’. Such is our embarrassment over sex that even when a person is advising others about sex we think it improper to ask them to account for their sexual experiences.
Differences between men and women’s responses
One of the major differences between the way men and women respond in sexual scenarios is that being touched by a lover, is emotionally significant to men. A man takes pleasure in stimulating his penis when alone because he is aroused. But his pleasure with a lover is much greater because of the emotional acceptance
Only men are aroused by observing a partner’s genitals
My partner likes to take photographs of my genitalia while we are having sex. Note that I have no similar desire to photograph his penis! He enjoys seeing my labia slightly swollen and the lubrication that comes from my vagina. One morning when I was busy eating breakfast, he walked up and put his phone
What sex experts have told me
When my partner and I decided to get married, his work-mates took him out for a beer to convince him that marriage would mean the end of his sex life. Naturally no woman ever gave me similar advice. I accepted early on that a woman needs to invest in sex for her man’s sake. Even
A woman may offer intercourse when she feels respected
After fifty years of marriage one woman told me she had never been interested in men. Men tend to seek women out. Women don’t need intercourse. They get affectionate companionship from their girlfriends and their children. Men often overlook the wider relationship after decades together. [i] There are many more men (than women) looking for
The problem with sex advice today
The suggestion is that female sexuality is identical to male sexuality. Yet women don’t approach sex with the same genital erection (of the clitoris) that men tend to have so how can women hope to orgasm during sex as easily as men do? Many women have difficulty with orgasm during sex but this is rarely
Women mistake emotional sensations for orgasm
Female orgasm is not an issue in sexual relationships because the vast majority of women accept sex for what it is. Such women describe orgasm in terms of emotional factors. For some women this means they accept that orgasm does not occur with a lover. For others, they may assume that orgasm occurs but they
Intercourse is a demonstration of male virility and potency
Although prostitutes the world over pleasure men sexually, none are called great lovers. Equally a man does not make love to a prostitute. Male lovemaking is a behaviour used to persuade a woman to accept intercourse. [i] Women are persuaded by men’s conviction that they should find intercourse arousing because it’s reproductive. But there is
Defending the modern image of female sexuality
As a young woman I never understood why I did not experience sexual arousal as a natural part of my sexual relationship. Much later I decided to talk to experts, assuming that they would have some answers, but I was met only with evasion and silence. The issue of women’s sexual arousal and orgasm with
Similarities between men and women’s responses
Orgasm is a basic physiological response of the human body. Just as the same mechanism causes men and women to sneeze, so we also orgasm in the same way. Regardless of gender and orientation, both the anatomy and the trigger are the same. We massage the tumescent phallus and focus our minds on explicit aspects
How do women reach orgasm with a partner?
Everyone says “but it all works fine for other women”. My question is “How?” Men have more testosterone. Men get turned on by anything that moves in a skirt with legs. All men naturally masturbate throughout their sexually active lives. They heckle, they ask women to dance, they proposition, etc. etc. And women? They wait
The male psychology of seeing a lover as a sex object
Unlike emotional attachments, arousal is not caused by a specific person or by a relationship. Arousal relies on being able to see a person, to some degree, as an object. Arousal is achieved when the mind focuses on objects or concepts that a person finds arousing. Arousal mechanisms (erotic turn-ons) involve physical attributes and the
Men obtain an optimal sexual release from penetrative sex
Sex drive has been defined in terms of the proactive role that men have in obtaining intercourse. Male sex drive is apparent from the way men behave. Men often view penetrative sex as a conquest. They know they have obtained something (intercourse) that women do not always want to give. Women, who seduce men, offer
Sex experts deal with sexual dysfunction
In the film ‘Doc Hollywood’ (1991) Bridget Fonda asks Michael J Fox whether doctors know more about sex than normal people. This is a natural mistake to make because of the misconception that sex is a mechanical or biological aspect of our bodies. In fact, doctors are unlikely to know any more about sex than
Mental arousal combines with a thrusting instinct
Men can orgasm from non-reproductive activity such as fellatio or masturbation. But men obtain the most satisfying sexual release by ejaculating into a lover’s body. So although another person is not absolutely necessary for men to enjoy orgasm, it is typically preferred. So men naturally assume that women have the same preference. But female arousal
Regularity of intercourse relies on male responsiveness
One would expect the regularity of intercourse to depend partly upon a woman’s motivation. But Kinsey found the rates of sexual outlet (made up mostly of intercourse) for married men who are early adolescents to be about twice as high as the outlet of men who become adolescent later. This was the same difference he
The truth about female sexuality
Sex is a difficult subject to analyse because it relies on our emotions rather than our powers of logical reasoning. How many women have been as interested in sex as I have been? Having masturbated since the age of seventeen, I knew that orgasm was missing from sex. I consulted sex experts and had it
The mental focus required to achieve orgasm
Anyone who masturbates needs to use fantasy for arousal. Turn-ons are erotic concepts or images that motivate us to engage in sexual activity. We enjoy the sensations of arousal that result from exploring our fantasies. Sex involves our enjoyment of mental arousal through an appreciation of eroticism (men tend to use graphic images and realistic
Men want more sex than is required for reproduction
Most men are tempted by any sexual opportunity. A man’s sex drive determines intercourse frequencies so couples struggle when a man has a high sex drive because women need emotional rewards. The so-called sexual dysfunctions of men coming too soon and women taking too long arise because of misunderstanding about the role of intercourse as
Explanations for women’s sexual arousal
Some people assert confidently that women orgasm easily during sex. Yet, when I ask for details, the responses are frustratingly vague and defensive. Many people assume that all women ‘naturally’ orgasm during sex. I have been advised to read a sex manual as if only extreme ignorance can explain a lack of orgasm. Alternatively, with
Arousal is psychological and arises in the mind
Sexual arousal arises in the brain and is a form of nervous excitement. In other words, the nervous system is disturbed (more agitated than its normal resting state). Both our breathing and heart rate are elevated due to the brain activity. Sexual arousal occurs initially subconsciously. But at some point, we become conscious of our
Orgasm is a vital aspect of male reproductive function
When I had intercourse for the first time (as a virgin) I was shocked that I felt no internal physical sensation of any kind. I was unaware that my lover had inserted his penis into my vagina. I could feel absolutely nothing from his penis thrusting into my body. The only reason I knew he
Sex advice for women is often misleading
Natalie, a woman in her late twenties, had a close relationship with her mother who was a doctor. I approached Natalie hoping that a mother with a medical background might be more likely than others to have discussed her sexual experiences with a daughter. When young women have difficulty reaching orgasm during sex, it can
Orgasm is an instinctive response to erotic stimuli
Orgasm is an instinctive response. That means that even when we have no prior knowledge or experience of orgasm , we are still able to discover it. It has to be that way because otherwise the human race (and other animals) would not exist. We haven’t always had books or even word of mouth to
Proposing and planning sex sessions, providing sex talk
When a man has a new lover the novelty makes sex more exciting for a while but gradually he falls back to having intercourse with similar frequencies as before. Couples have intercourse more frequently when young but frequencies decrease over time. [i] Research indicates that this decrease in activity is due to aging rather than
Enjoying sex play
Women do not seek out relationships with men purely to enjoy orgasm. This is just as well because women’s sexual arousal tends to be elusive, especially with a partner. What a woman does with this knowledge is up to her. “Most women who masturbate experience orgasm. More have orgasm with masturbation than in sex with
Orgasm is a one-off release of sexual tension
Sexuality is about appreciating what causes us to become aroused and learning how we can achieve orgasm both alone and with a lover. Orgasm is foremost a response of the nervous system. For adults (even premature ejaculators), orgasm is always consciously engineered in a situation where the mind responds erotically and by stimulating the phallus.
Our biological motivation to engage in loving relationships
Research shows that, when they are alone or with another woman, women take longer to orgasm than men do. Women are only assumed to match male speeds to orgasm (two minutes on average) during intercourse. Misconception #7: Because of the male experience, it is incorrectly assumed that women should orgasm more easily with a lover
Investing in your sex life
Many couples, both men and women, find any discussion of their sex life intensely embarrassing. This lack of discussion leads to difficulties in enjoying sexual pleasure and exploring sexual fantasies. Physical intimacy may be lost if the couple has not invested in learning about enjoying sex play together. “What’s the one thing that differentiates good
Justifying evolutionary and biological precedents
Human sexuality does not stand alone. It is part of a wider picture of the sexuality of all other lifeforms. Even plants have male and female parts and reproduce sexually (the new life has characteristics from both parents). The male is the more active part and is proactive in fertilising the female. The female part
Differences between male and female responsiveness
The differences between male and female responsiveness include: Orgasm is a vital aspect of male reproduction function; Men obtain an optimal sexual release from penetrative sex; Only men are aroused in anticipation of sexual activity; Only men are aroused by observing a partner’s genitals; Women are sexually passive due to lack of erotic arousal; The
The sexual revolution set false hopes for female sexuality
Up until the 1950s society believed that women only had sex either for the purposes of procreation or to satisfy their partner. Alfred Kinsey’s revelation in 1953 that women also experience orgasm caused a sensation. His report was attacked for being ‘anti-family’ in finding high incidences of male infidelity (40%) and homosexuality (37%) as well
Providing sex information without political bias
Most adults would probably agree on the need to educate children about sex. But it is much more difficult to obtain consensus on what children should be told. No one is confident about what children should be told because of the contradictions, the harassment, the manipulation, the deceit and the exploitation. There are many sources
Sexual techniques and exploring sex play with a lover
Men do not make ideal lovers of women. Not only do they orgasm easily but men rarely appreciate what drives women emotionally or how women stimulate themselves to orgasm. [i] We assume that only older generations viewed sex as a forbidden and taboo subject. But where are all the liberated couples today willing to discuss
Taking the ego out of sex advice
Why do adults so often assume that they know everything about sex when most people have never even read a sex manual? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but why do they have to flaunt their own sexual ego? Whatever our own personal views there is absolutely no need to express them in a
How we know that female orgasm is uncommon
Orgasm is achieved by stimulating specific anatomy. This is because mental arousal causes the erectile organ (the phallus) to become tumescent. Confusion over the anatomy involved in female orgasm arises on two counts. Firstly women are not aroused with a lover, so they do not focus on obtaining the stimulation they need for orgasm. Secondly
Emotional bonding: women are unresponsive by design
Kinsey’s work remains the most comprehensive data we have on sexuality. It represents a unique opportunity to study female sexuality at a time when women felt much less obliged to claim orgasms with a lover. Kinsey’s work was the first exposé of women’s covert sexuality (women’s masturbatory and lesbian activities). But the idea that women
Why do so few women comment on sexual pleasure?
I am not so crazy as to approach just any random woman on the subject of sex. I know that most women will be irreversibly offended even at the mention of sex. So I choose women who appear to be fairly liberated and then I approach the subject tangentially. Of the women I have been
Women only orgasm when alone not with a lover
Men’s drive to penetrate inherently involves another person. But women do not have this hormonal drive that men have. So women have not evolved the ability to be aroused by a man’s body because their orgasm does not contribute to the reproductive process. There is no reason why female orgasm should occur during sexual activity
Both sexes enjoy emotional rewards from sexual intimacy
Whenever a man and a woman share physical intimacy, the man’s arousal is very evident. A man’s erection gives visual evidence, not only that he is aroused, but that he wants to obtain penile stimulation. He demonstrates this by massaging his erection. He is very appreciative when a partner offers to stimulate his penis by
Why it can be difficult to discuss our sexual relationships
One of the reasons that adults find it difficult to discuss sex openly is because of the personal nature of sex. It’s important to consider how other people might feel as a result of what we say. So men can be offended if it is implied that because they are enthusiastic about sex this necessarily
We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm
Even when a sex organ is capable of penetration (as the penis is), it cannot cause a lover’s orgasm . For a person to orgasm, they must be motivated to obtain the correct stimulation of their own phallus. Men are aroused biologically and automatically; women are not. The physical stimulation involved in achieving orgasm is
My personal story
The story of my childhood is foremost a personal project. It may provide insights into my character and formative experiences, which have made my work on sexuality possible. It may also help the reader understand what has motivated me to work so hard and for so little reward in such a taboo area of the
Sexual fact versus sexual fantasy
Imagine the scenario: a woman, wearing a skirt and no panties, climbs a ladder. A man below enjoys a clear view of her genitals. Imagine now that the genders are reversed: my point is that a woman is unlikely to appreciate the view in the same way that a man does. Of course, someone will
How we know that female masturbation is rare
Kinsey concluded that masturbation was not only the quickest way for a woman to orgasm (4 minutes on average) but also the most reliable way (95% success rate). Women’s masturbatory activities provided the clearest evidence for female orgasm. Kinsey found that 20% of women masturbated regularly. So his work indicates that around 20% of women