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Men want more sex than is required for reproduction

Most men are tempted by any sexual opportunity. A man’s sex drive determines intercourse frequencies so couples struggle when a man has a high sex drive because women need emotional rewards. The so-called sexual dysfunctions of men coming too soon and women taking too long arise because of misunderstanding about the role of intercourse as

Explanations for women’s sexual arousal

Some people assert confidently that women orgasm easily during sex. Yet, when I ask for details, the responses are frustratingly vague and defensive. Many people assume that all women ‘naturally’ orgasm during sex. I have been advised to read a sex manual as if only extreme ignorance can explain a lack of orgasm. Alternatively, with

Arousal is psychological and arises in the mind

Sexual arousal arises in the brain and is a form of nervous excitement. In other words, the nervous system is disturbed (more agitated than its normal resting state). Both our breathing and heart rate are elevated due to the brain activity. Sexual arousal occurs initially subconsciously. But at some point, we become conscious of our

Orgasm is a vital aspect of male reproductive function

When I had intercourse for the first time (as a virgin) I was shocked that I felt no internal physical sensation of any kind. I was unaware that my lover had inserted his penis into my vagina. I could feel absolutely nothing from his penis thrusting into my body. The only reason I knew he

Sex advice for women is often misleading

Natalie, a woman in her late twenties, had a close relationship with her mother who was a doctor. I approached Natalie hoping that a mother with a medical background might be more likely than others to have discussed her sexual experiences with a daughter. When young women have difficulty reaching orgasm during sex, it can

Orgasm is an instinctive response to erotic stimuli

Orgasm is an instinctive response. That means that even when we have no prior knowledge or experience of orgasm , we are still able to discover it. It has to be that way because otherwise the human race (and other animals) would not exist. We haven’t always had books or even word of mouth to

Proposing and planning sex sessions, providing sex talk

When a man has a new lover the novelty makes sex more exciting for a while but gradually he falls back to having intercourse with similar frequencies as before. Couples have intercourse more frequently when young but frequencies decrease over time. [i] Research indicates that this decrease in activity is due to aging rather than

Enjoying sex play

Women do not seek out relationships with men purely to enjoy orgasm. This is just as well because women’s sexual arousal tends to be elusive, especially with a partner. What a woman does with this knowledge is up to her. “Most women who masturbate experience orgasm. More have orgasm with masturbation than in sex with

Orgasm is a one-off release of sexual tension

Sexuality is about appreciating what causes us to become aroused and learning how we can achieve orgasm both alone and with a lover. Orgasm is foremost a response of the nervous system. For adults (even premature ejaculators), orgasm is always consciously engineered in a situation where the mind responds erotically and by stimulating the phallus.

Our biological motivation to engage in loving relationships

Research shows that, when they are alone or with another woman, women take longer to orgasm than men do. Women are only assumed to match male speeds to orgasm (two minutes on average) during intercourse. Misconception #7: Because of the male experience, it is incorrectly assumed that women should orgasm more easily with a lover

Investing in your sex life

Many couples, both men and women, find any discussion of their sex life intensely embarrassing. This lack of discussion leads to difficulties in enjoying sexual pleasure and exploring sexual fantasies. Physical intimacy may be lost if the couple has not invested in learning about enjoying sex play together. “What’s the one thing that differentiates good

Justifying evolutionary and biological precedents

Human sexuality does not stand alone. It is part of a wider picture of the sexuality of all other lifeforms. Even plants have male and female parts and reproduce sexually (the new life has characteristics from both parents). The male is the more active part and is proactive in fertilising the female. The female part

Differences between male and female responsiveness

The differences between male and female responsiveness include: Orgasm is a vital aspect of male reproduction function; Men obtain an optimal sexual release from penetrative sex; Only men are aroused in anticipation of sexual activity; Only men are aroused by observing a partner’s genitals; Women are sexually passive due to lack of erotic arousal; The

The sexual revolution set false hopes for female sexuality

Up until the 1950s society believed that women only had sex either for the purposes of procreation or to satisfy their partner. Alfred Kinsey’s revelation in 1953 that women also experience orgasm caused a sensation. His report was attacked for being ‘anti-family’ in finding high incidences of male infidelity (40%) and homosexuality (37%) as well

Providing sex information without political bias

Most adults would probably agree on the need to educate children about sex. But it is much more difficult to obtain consensus on what children should be told. No one is confident about what children should be told because of the contradictions, the harassment, the manipulation, the deceit and the exploitation. There are many sources

Sexual techniques and exploring sex play with a lover

Men do not make ideal lovers of women. Not only do they orgasm easily but men rarely appreciate what drives women emotionally or how women stimulate themselves to orgasm. [i] We assume that only older generations viewed sex as a forbidden and taboo subject. But where are all the liberated couples today willing to discuss

Taking the ego out of sex advice

Why do adults so often assume that they know everything about sex when most people have never even read a sex manual? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but why do they have to flaunt their own sexual ego? Whatever our own personal views there is absolutely no need to express them in a

How we know that female orgasm is uncommon

Orgasm is achieved by stimulating specific anatomy. This is because mental arousal causes the erectile organ (the phallus) to become tumescent. Confusion over the anatomy involved in female orgasm arises on two counts. Firstly women are not aroused with a lover, so they do not focus on obtaining the stimulation they need for orgasm. Secondly

Emotional bonding: women are unresponsive by design

Kinsey’s work remains the most comprehensive data we have on sexuality. It represents a unique opportunity to study female sexuality at a time when women felt much less obliged to claim orgasms with a lover. Kinsey’s work was the first exposé of women’s covert sexuality (women’s masturbatory and lesbian activities). But the idea that women

Why do so few women comment on sexual pleasure?

I am not so crazy as to approach just any random woman on the subject of sex. I know that most women will be irreversibly offended even at the mention of sex. So I choose women who appear to be fairly liberated and then I approach the subject tangentially. Of the women I have been

Women only orgasm when alone not with a lover

Men’s drive to penetrate inherently involves another person. But women do not have this hormonal drive that men have. So women have not evolved the ability to be aroused by a man’s body because their orgasm does not contribute to the reproductive process. There is no reason why female orgasm should occur during sexual activity

Both sexes enjoy emotional rewards from sexual intimacy

Whenever a man and a woman share physical intimacy, the man’s arousal is very evident. A man’s erection gives visual evidence, not only that he is aroused, but that he wants to obtain penile stimulation. He demonstrates this by massaging his erection. He is very appreciative when a partner offers to stimulate his penis by

Why it can be difficult to discuss our sexual relationships

One of the reasons that adults find it difficult to discuss sex openly is because of the personal nature of sex. It’s important to consider how other people might feel as a result of what we say. So men can be offended if it is implied that because they are enthusiastic about sex this necessarily

We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm

Even when a sex organ is capable of penetration (as the penis is), it cannot cause a lover’s orgasm . For a person to orgasm, they must be motivated to obtain the correct stimulation of their own phallus. Men are aroused biologically and automatically; women are not. The physical stimulation involved in achieving orgasm is

My personal story

The story of my childhood is foremost a personal project. It may provide insights into my character and formative experiences, which have made my work on sexuality possible. It may also help the reader understand what has motivated me to work so hard and for so little reward in such a taboo area of the

Sexual fact versus sexual fantasy

Imagine the scenario: a woman, wearing a skirt and no panties, climbs a ladder. A man below enjoys a clear view of her genitals. Imagine now that the genders are reversed: my point is that a woman is unlikely to appreciate the view in the same way that a man does. Of course, someone will

How we know that female masturbation is rare

Kinsey concluded that masturbation was not only the quickest way for a woman to orgasm (4 minutes on average) but also the most reliable way (95% success rate). Women’s masturbatory activities provided the clearest evidence for female orgasm. Kinsey found that 20% of women masturbated regularly. So his work indicates that around 20% of women

Women are aroused by fantasy, not real-world turn-ons

Men are aroused by thinking about sexual activity with someone they find attractive. Only two thirds (69%) of women ever have erotic fantasies. The rest (31%) admit that they have never once been aroused by thinking about eroticism. They are not even aroused by thinking about their own partners. But this makes sense because women’s

Is sexual arousal with a partner really so easy?

I approached my adult life in anticipation of a mutually enjoyable sex life. This optimism was fuelled by my love of erotic literature, which I read avidly as a teenager. I enjoyed exploring my sexual fantasies and by the age of seventeen I discovered orgasm through female masturbation. When I had sex for the first

The kind of stimulation that leads to orgasm

Regardless of orientation, men orgasm through intercourse, masturbation and fellatio. A man’s arousal (in the form of an erection) also gives him a clear indication of the anatomy he wants to stimulate. By contrast women, including lesbians, enjoy more sensual whole-body and emotional pleasures with a lover because of their lack of arousal. This contributes

Orgasm is not a vital aspect of women’s sexuality

All men (to varying degrees) are capable of orgasm because orgasm is the trigger for ejaculation of sperm into the vagina. Men do not have organs equivalent to the uterus and the mammary glands. So men cannot perform women’s reproductive role of childbearing. But women are potentially capable of orgasm (not ejaculation). The reason is

Bluffers, fakers and sex surveys

Pam, an attractive woman in her late forties, told me that she had never had a problem with sexual arousal and orgasm. She started masturbating at the age of eight and after thirty years with the same man, she was still enjoying orgasmic sex as she had done from day one. Women’s sexual arousal and

Women’s fantasies are sexually explicit scenarios

A responsive woman’s use of fantasies means her experiences do not fit with any of the descriptions of sexual activity that we see portrayed in society. Sexual activity is usually sociable but it is also portrayed in graphic terms. When something happens in your head, it can be purely conceptual. This is probably why women

Male and female sexuality both contribute to reproduction

When I started researching my sexuality, I knew how to masturbate to orgasm so I wanted to know how women achieved the orgasms with a lover that I had never found possible. I was fortunate because my partner was a practical person and eager to explore my body and responses. It’s just none of this

Women who appear to want sexual pleasure

When I was 21, I met an Italian boy of the same age during a stay in Rome. Alfredo cared about how he dressed and would often check his appearance in the mirror. I teased him because I had always been taught that personal vanity was undesirable. Alfredo wore designer sunglasses in the day but

How women masturbate themselves to orgasm

Women may be mildly curious about genitals but they are not aroused by them. Neither are women hormonally aroused as younger men are. So most women are not remotely curious about masturbation . Female orgasm is rare. So we will never have millions of women agreeing on how they orgasm . The best we can

Women’s arousal depends on a more indirect mechanism

Men are turned on as a direct consequence of their drive to penetrate (a female) and thrust until ejaculation. A woman lacks this drive. Women are not naturally aroused by either sexual activity or genitalia [i] as men are. A woman aged 29 said she couldn’t understand why a 70-year-old man would still want to

Talking to women about female orgasm

Since the experts I talked to had no rational explanations, I decided to do my own research by talking to women I met in everyday life. I quickly learned just how highly embarrassing it is to approach women on such an intimate topic. Very few women are willing to talk about sex at all and

Educated men masturbate more than other men

Masturbation is least common among less educated males (89%). More men who are high school educated (95%) and men who are college educated (96%) are involved in masturbation for at least some period of their lives. Masturbation frequencies after marriage are highest (69%) among men who are college educated. Only 42% of men, who are

Some women masturbate without aiming for orgasm

It is difficult to establish the nature of female masturbation. [i] Women do not always use fantasy as men do, which suggests they may not always be masturbating to orgasm. Some infant girls masturbate as an instinctive comforting activity. Sometimes they reach a resolution that is interpreted as orgasm. However a young child does not

Interpreting experiences of female orgasm

When a man is stimulated sexually by a partner he finds it difficult to avoid becoming aroused. Similarly, if a woman’s response to penile thrusting (or any other physical stimulation technique) was automatic then women would presumably be unable to avoid becoming aroused whatever their conscious desires. So in the movie ‘Swordfish’ (2001) Hugh Jackman

How men masturbate themselves to orgasm

Few boys masturbate before the onset of adolescence. Only 10% of boys are masturbating by the age of nine and only 13% by ten years of age. Male masturbation frequencies vary significantly in the population indicating not only a range in responsiveness but also variations in how different men can use their minds to enjoy

Orgasm is not the goal of sexual activity with a lover

Orgasm has become a key word in talking about sex. Certainly, the most important aspect of women’s participation in sex is whether they have an orgasm. [i] Naturally, male orgasm is not an issue because it occurs reliably. My partner explained to me that orgasm was not his key focus during sex. Sexual release was

My sex story

Jane talks to a live audience about ‘Sex & orgasm’ with accompanying slides to download! During adolescence, I read books that gave me both sexual knowledge and an insight into eroticism. So that even before I had sex for the first time, I had the impression that sex would be sensationally pleasurable. Erotic fiction showed

How anyone achieves orgasm when they are alone

Sexuality is about enjoying the responsiveness of our own body through masturbation. Our mind’s ability to respond to erotic scenarios (both real and imagined) causes us to investigate our body’s responses. Orgasm is a response of the brain. Our minds respond to erotic stimuli regardless of our relationship status and the availability of a partner.

Female arousal is more deeply buried in the subconscious

Sexual phenomena (such as masturbation or gay sex) tend to be shocking and alien until we discover we enjoy them. Similarly once we experience arousal, we see the positive (rather than the offensive) aspects of eroticism. Anyone who objects to eroticism does not understand the nature of arousal. There is a belief that we all

Women have a lower sex drive

Men’s sexual arousal is usually easy whereas women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic so unsurprisingly sex tends to focus on male sexual arousal. A man’s orgasm (since it is usually co-incident with ejaculation) is critical to reproduction and so it makes sense that men are motivated by eroticism and able to reach orgasm

How we know women do not orgasm with a lover

Neither women themselves nor their lovers ever comment on the obvious contradiction over assumptions about the female anatomy involved in orgasm. A woman is assumed to orgasm through intercourse (stimulation of the vagina) in a way that complements the male anatomy. The vagina complements the penis in reproductive terms. A woman is also assumed to

The clitoris is the one and only female erectile sex organ

To state the obvious: men have no organ equivalent to the vagina. [i] By considering how human sexual response must have evolved, we can start to understand that it is much more likely that female responsiveness arises from the anatomy that women have evolved in common with men than that it arises from the anatomy

Female orgasm is not required for reproduction

We have known for decades that intercourse doesn’t provide sufficient PHYSICAL stimulation (of the clitoris) for orgasm. But even more fundamentally, how do women achieve the PSYCHOLOGICAL arousal needed to orgasm during sex? Over the years, I have found very few women who seem bothered that sex is unlikely to provide female orgasm. I understand

Why couples don’t discuss female arousal

Much of the sexual activity between heterosexuals is carried on without communication. Once intimacy has been established, by kissing for example, a man assumes that he has been accepted as a lover. He increases his exploration of a woman’s body. A woman responds by allowing him access to her body. There is no explicit discussion.

Orgasm comes at the end of activity intended to achieve it

I used my own experience of sexual activity with a lover to draw conclusions about women’s use of behaviours in responding to sexual scenarios in the way that men appreciate. Sociable sexual activity focuses on male orgasm because of men’s acute arousal. Due to their lack of arousal, women may provide turn-ons and stimulation to

Women’s sexual desire

Women who live alone or do not have an active sex life with their partner sometimes perceive themselves to be sexually needy because they start to doubt their ability to attract men. Margaret (early fifties, children, relationship 30 years) was confident that she was highly sexual and interested in sex. However, her sexual relationship with

Women fake orgasm to reassure men’s sexual ego

Faking orgasm provides an easy way for a woman to speed up sex and get it over with as quickly as possible. If a woman lies (by faking orgasm ) to a man he finds her hugely attractive. If she’s honest then he finds another woman. What do men expect? Some women consider faking to

Understanding what works: erotic versus emotional stimuli

If men were attracted to responsive women, presumably they would hope for a woman who could orgasm within say 5 seconds of being stimulated. In reality, a man needs a woman to offer intercourse for as long as he takes to ejaculate (no more no less). But a woman has no control whatsoever over how

How female sexuality differs to male sexuality

Many heterosexuals like the fact that the opposite sex is fundamentally different. Both our sexuality and our emotional responses differ. Men are macho, sometimes a little insensitive, largely disinterested in how they look, social issues or children. Women are pretty, sometimes a little controlling, largely disinterested in getting dirty, doing battle or anything remotely technical.

Women make conscious effort to respond sexually

With all the fiction surrounding women’s sexuality, it is important to appreciate that female sexuality has not evolved solely for the purpose of gratifying male ego. Women can’t respond in certain ways simply because men would like them to (unless they fake of course). Female sexuality has evolved so as to maximise the chances of

Sexual promiscuity

Renate, a student of twenty-six, liked to be affectionate with her male friends but then was bewildered when they interpreted her hugs as a sexual advance. A man tends to assume that physical intimacy is a given as soon as a woman shows him any affection. A woman needs time to build the emotional intimacy

The erotic pleasure a man enjoys from sex

Men typically initiate sex and they masturbate much more frequently than women do. If male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men could settle for masturbation instead of sex. Men have a reproductive or biological drive that means they need intercourse for the best sexual release. For a man, the action of

The sexual anatomy involved in women achieving orgasm

Shere Hite’s sample, because she targeted female orgasm specifically, included even more women (82%) who masturbated (compared with Kinsey’s sample of women). Yet even though such women must be familiar with clitoral stimulation techniques when masturbating, around half of them [i] said the same techniques did not help them orgasm with a lover. Once again

The sexual politics of female sexual desire

Although the modern day hype about female sexuality was in part sparked off by the work of Alfred Kinsey, the facts he reported have long since been lost in the rush to sensationalise female sexual desire. Kinsey’s report clearly set out the much lower sexual response of the female (as measured by the incidence of

Men are aroused by seeing and stimulating genitals

Children of both sexes are indifferent to genitals . They may be mildly curious but they consider genitals to be ugly and smelly parts of the body. At puberty, the increase in male responsiveness causes young men to be fascinated by genitals. For women the connotations from childhood continue into adulthood because women are not

Stimulation and a focus on eroticism continue until orgasm

Imagine you are a woman. Your partner asks you to masturbate him to orgasm. Each time you do this, you would notice that the length of time varies. The amount of stimulation required differs. This is because a man’s initial state of arousal varies and his engagement in the activity (thoughts in his head) vary

Women who fake orgasm

Men tell me how convinced they are that ALL their partners orgasm during sex. But that’s kind of what faking orgasm is about, isn’t it? If it wasn’t convincing then what would be the point? Men should sleep with women who are less sexually experienced. Virgins are much more likely to admit that intercourse does not

Only men are aroused by the prospect of sex

Men often vocalise their appreciation on seeing an attractive woman but men are rarely on the receiving end of similar flattery from women. Men never seem to notice that women are not aroused by men’s bodies. Many men like to display their sexual interest as bravado. They never notice that women do not admire men

Relatively few women ever use a vibrator to masturbate

Sex toys are a useful addition to a couple’s sex play: to take the pressure off a man having an erection and to provide stimulation that does not necessarily lead to orgasm. But many gimmicks bought in embarrassment and ignorance are never used. Lying on her back exposes the vulva and can be a good

Young and sexy

A young and sexy woman complained about the male attention she got every time she left the hostel on 42nd Street, Manhattan, dressed in her high heels and low cleavage. Yes, well… It is relatively easy for a woman to attract a man’s attention by enhancing her looks. It is more difficult for her to

Understanding a man’s need for erotic turn-ons

For most people, sexual activity whether alone or with a lover is a private affair. We rarely see other people engaging in sexual activity. We rely on fictional accounts from books or movies. Most of this fictional activity involves sociable situations. Masturbatory activities are less commonly portrayed. Men’s key focus is penetrative sex. Male erotic

Women’s erotic fantasies have a psychological context

Male fantasies are usually easily applied to real life. Men fantasise about activities they would like to do. Women do not have the same advantage. Women’s fantasises include taboo themes such as sadism, domination and rape. They involve unrealistic scenarios with a complex psychological context that can be difficult to relate to day-to-day sexual opportunities.

Understanding female sexual desire

One of the misconceptions of the sexual revolution was the proposal that, for men and women to be equal, they had to be the same. But testosterone is the sex hormone. Men’s bodies are full of it but women have much lower levels of testosterone. Attributes traditionally considered feminine (e.g. being passive or accommodating) were

An arousal trigger is either an object or a concept

Some boys and young men can be so highly aroused that they orgasm spontaneously or with little time needed to become aroused. But most adults (and certainly women) need a period of time to build the kind of arousal that leads to orgasm. Arousal arises as an instinctive response to turn-ons, which are objects or

Stimulation that leads to orgasm is applied instinctively

We all assume we already know everything there is to know about sex and sexuality. Even though we have never had a sex education (because no one has), we are confident that no other knowledge (beyond what we already know) exists. Certainly, there is a lack of factual information. But equally none of us ever

A sexual relationship

Judy married in the late 1950s; well before the average woman was informed about what a sexual relationship might involve. Judy’s aspirations were to provide a comfortable home for her family and to enjoy being a wife and a mother. When I talked to her, Judy was in her mid-sixties with grown up children and a

Some people enjoy abstract eroticism and fantasy

Sexuality is about our motivation to explore our fantasies both during masturbation alone and during sex play with a lover. Our ability to reach orgasm ultimately depends on what happens in the brain. We tend to focus on the mechanics of sex but erotic pleasure is foremost about turn-ons. Men enjoy the turn-on of penetration

The G-spot explains the orgasms women think they have

Inexperienced women explore various parts of their body before discovering orgasm but most women (84%) masturbate by stimulating the clitoris. Yet some women today will still buy G-spot wands and phallic vibrators.[i] There are some sex experts who refer to clitoral stimulation as if it can be directly substituted for vaginal stimulation. They imply that

Orgasm techniques

The web shows just what an extraordinary level of interest there is (both from men and women) in suggestions for how a woman can orgasm during sex. Just to give a flavour, here are a few tips from the experts: Don’t worry because orgasm is not that important; Relax a bit more and stop concentrating

Asking young women to define female sexuality

Young women are naturally impressed by men’s greater confidence. They are full of romantic illusions and curiosity. They have the inexperience and the optimism of youth. It’s easy for a woman to give a man the pleasure he wants. Young women can’t understand why older women recommend modesty and restraint. They enjoy the novelty of

Arousal mechanisms are not unique to one lover

Mental turn-ons (both fantasies and fetishes) are abstract concepts and objects. They are not personalised or limited to one individual. So if a man finds the female breast to be an object of desire then, potentially, he can be aroused by the breasts of any woman (not just those of his lover). Likewise if a

Sexual fantasies

On approaching masturbation, my first task is to identify a fantasy that will arouse me enough to reach orgasm. If I cannot achieve the necessary sexual arousal from fantasy then it makes not a jot of difference how vigorously or for how long I stimulate my clitoris. I know that orgasm is impossible. “However we

Difficulties in assessing women’s sexuality

Our understanding of female sexuality must reflect what real women are physically and emotionally capable of. The advantage of a realistic approach is that couples can build on what is practically achievable rather than hanker after an impossible fantasy. Men stress about what they can do or say to get a woman into bed. So

Orgasm is achieved by massaging the corpora cavernosa

As part of my research, I came across references to the corpora cavernosa. These are cylindrical structures within the shaft of the penis that run down either side of the urethra (the central tube that urine and semen come down). It has also been established that the body (or shaft) of the internal clitoral organ

The 10 facts of female sexuality

Beliefs about female sexuality are more often based on fantasy than facts. These are the 10 essential facts that every sexual woman should know: (1) Enjoying orgasm through genital stimulation Anyone, male or female, alone or with a partner, uses genital stimulation to take a mental state of sexual arousal (achieved by appreciating eroticism) to

Sex without consent is rape regardless of intent

It’s important to appreciate that the situation where a man rapes random strangers is rare. These men (called rapists) specifically enjoy the violence of the

Only some women think they orgasm through intercourse

When we talk about consensual sex who exactly is consenting and what are they consenting to? Women may consent to intercourse [i] but consent is a long way off sexual pleasure and no proof that a woman has an orgasm. Heterosexual lovemaking, for the most part, relies on a man stimulating a woman. Genital stimulation

Lack of orgasm is not a sexual dysfunction

It is often suggested that a lack of female orgasm during sex is a sign of sexual dysfunction but the truth is that this is simply the way things are for women who hope for orgasm from their sexual relationships. A woman is lucky to orgasm by any means. The belief that women orgasm ‘naturally’

Child sexual abuse, incest and paedophilia

Paedophiles blatantly challenge the concept of consent. Paedophilia involves a few men who are sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. Many paedophiles control their urges and avoid coming into contact with children. Others do eventually act on their urges by exposing themselves to children, watching naked children, masturbating themselves in front of children or touching children’s

Orgasm depends on a positive response to eroticism

You cannot teach someone to orgasm. We discover orgasm because we have the capability. Responsiveness relies on a person’s ability to identify with erotic scenarios. First, an aspect of sexual activity excites our curiosity. Second, we enjoy the possibilities we explore mentally. Third, our positive mental response causes us to stimulate our genitals instinctively. It

Women’s sexual arousal tends to be assumed or overlooked

Much of what is known about female orgasm comes from women’s experience of masturbation. Shere Hite’s work focused on female masturbation and the clitoris. As a research student in the United States in the early 1970s, Shere (pronounced ‘sherry’) Hite circulated a lengthy questionnaire through women’s magazines and to passers-by on the street. She asked

Domestic violence and emotional abuse in the home

Domestic violence (violence in the home), with women and children as primary victims, is a major worldwide epidemic. The majority, an estimated 90 percent to 95 percent, of victims in heterosexual relationships are women. It is estimated that at least 3 million to 4 million women are beaten by their husbands or partners annually in

The idea that intercourse should cause female orgasm

Jane talks about orgasm through intercourse with speaker notes! If any of us receive a sex education (which most of us do not), the explanations given rarely go further than the basic so-called facts of life. We are told about intercourse and the mechanics of reproduction. If we are really lucky, we are told about

The ideal male lover

Alex Comfort’s book ‘The Joy of Sex’ (1972) documented primarily positions for intercourse that he and his mistress had found pleasurable as part of their affair. The affair was quite open and the two lovers shared the family home with his wife and son. Don’t get me wrong. What Alex Comfort achieved was amazing at

Sexual insults, bullying and habitual harassment

Young people should understand what makes a positive relationship and what makes a bad one. There are benefits and risks involved in relationships depending on the degree of sexual intimacy. Before we can formulate our own view without being coerced by undue pressure from others, we need a minimum level of maturity, experience, self-esteem and

The same organ, the erectile phallus, is involved in orgasm

The erectile organs (penis and clitoris) develop from the same anatomy in the foetus called the genital tubercle. The penis and clitoris have crura alongside the corpora cavernosa that cause tumescence. [i] It is inconceivable that the organ responsible for male orgasm would not be the same organ that is responsible for female orgasm. Some

True female sexual arousal and orgasm

Any talk of sexual arousal and orgasm, usually focuses on women since men’s sexual arousal and orgasm tend to be a given. It is unthinkable that anyone needs to tell a man how to orgasm. By the time they are teenagers, boys have discovered how to enjoy their own sexual arousal, by looking at images

Sexual scenarios tend to be biased in men’s favour

No one ever admits that sex is biased in men’s favour. Accounts of female orgasm are heavily promoted and accounts of harassment, exploitation and rape are hushed up. A woman doesn’t need sex. So sex, and all its issues, is a male problem. Sex is foremost a biological male need that some men can satisfy

Understanding what works: the clitoris versus the vagina

Regardless of gender, sexual activity that is aimed at achieving orgasm involves continuous rhythmic movements [i] of the whole body focused primarily on the pelvis. The hips are thrust forward or gyrated in a rolling motion and the buttocks clamped together. The toes or feet may be pointed. Some experts advise women to tense their

The quality aspects of orgasm rely on erotic turn-ons

Prostitutes, swingers and bluffers may talk nonchalantly about techniques for pleasuring a man. But they never refer to the erotic turn-ons they enjoy. [i] Women are likely to feel more at ease with a lover if they enjoy eroticism through fantasies. Responsive women orgasm by identifying with the penetrating male. But even they are not

Difficulties in applying orgasm techniques to sex

Women’s orgasm techniques leant from masturbation (including both clitoral stimulation and use of sexual fantasies) are not always as easy to transfer to sex with a partner as experts imply. “Among all types of sexual activity, masturbation is, however, the one in which the female most frequently reaches orgasm. Even in her marital coitus the

Intercourse is a territorial act of male dominance

In a society where men and women raise families together, intercourse is presented as a lovemaking act. But by looking at Nature we can see that mating is an act of male assault. By depositing his sperm in a woman’s body, a man potentially forces her to bear his progeny. A woman responds to rape

Orgasm involves identifying with the penetrating male

Some women suggest that female arousal depends on emotional stimuli. I do not think I ever accepted this idea. But it is difficult to discount the experience of others. I slowly concluded that they are mistaken. This fact led me to a further conclusion that arousal is not a common place experience for women. Consequently