Asking young women to define female sexuality
Young women are naturally impressed by men’s greater confidence. They are full of romantic illusions and curiosity. They have the inexperience and the optimism of youth. It’s easy for a woman to give a man the pleasure he wants. Young women can’t understand why older women recommend modesty and restraint. They enjoy the novelty of
Arousal mechanisms are not unique to one lover
Mental turn-ons (both fantasies and fetishes) are abstract concepts and objects. They are not personalised or limited to one individual. So if a man finds the female breast to be an object of desire then, potentially, he can be aroused by the breasts of any woman (not just those of his lover). Likewise if a
Sexual fantasies
On approaching masturbation, my first task is to identify a fantasy that will arouse me enough to reach orgasm. If I cannot achieve the necessary sexual arousal from fantasy then it makes not a jot of difference how vigorously or for how long I stimulate my clitoris. I know that orgasm is impossible. “However we
Difficulties in assessing women’s sexuality
Our understanding of female sexuality must reflect what real women are physically and emotionally capable of. The advantage of a realistic approach is that couples can build on what is practically achievable rather than hanker after an impossible fantasy. Men stress about what they can do or say to get a woman into bed. So
Orgasm is achieved by massaging the corpora cavernosa
As part of my research, I came across references to the corpora cavernosa. These are cylindrical structures within the shaft of the penis that run down either side of the urethra (the central tube that urine and semen come down). It has also been established that the body (or shaft) of the internal clitoral organ
The 10 facts of female sexuality
Beliefs about female sexuality are more often based on fantasy than facts. These are the 10 essential facts that every sexual woman should know: (1) Enjoying orgasm through genital stimulation Anyone, male or female, alone or with a partner, uses genital stimulation to take a mental state of sexual arousal (achieved by appreciating eroticism) to
Sex without consent is rape regardless of intent
It’s important to appreciate that the situation where a man rapes random strangers is rare. These men (called rapists) specifically enjoy the violence of the
Only some women think they orgasm through intercourse
When we talk about consensual sex who exactly is consenting and what are they consenting to? Women may consent to intercourse [i] but consent is a long way off sexual pleasure and no proof that a woman has an orgasm. Heterosexual lovemaking, for the most part, relies on a man stimulating a woman. Genital stimulation
Lack of orgasm is not a sexual dysfunction
It is often suggested that a lack of female orgasm during sex is a sign of sexual dysfunction but the truth is that this is simply the way things are for women who hope for orgasm from their sexual relationships. A woman is lucky to orgasm by any means. The belief that women orgasm ‘naturally’
Child sexual abuse, incest and paedophilia
Paedophiles blatantly challenge the concept of consent. Paedophilia involves a few men who are sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. Many paedophiles control their urges and avoid coming into contact with children. Others do eventually act on their urges by exposing themselves to children, watching naked children, masturbating themselves in front of children or touching children’s
Orgasm depends on a positive response to eroticism
You cannot teach someone to orgasm. We discover orgasm because we have the capability. Responsiveness relies on a person’s ability to identify with erotic scenarios. First, an aspect of sexual activity excites our curiosity. Second, we enjoy the possibilities we explore mentally. Third, our positive mental response causes us to stimulate our genitals instinctively. It
Women’s sexual arousal tends to be assumed or overlooked
Much of what is known about female orgasm comes from women’s experience of masturbation. Shere Hite’s work focused on female masturbation and the clitoris. As a research student in the United States in the early 1970s, Shere (pronounced ‘sherry’) Hite circulated a lengthy questionnaire through women’s magazines and to passers-by on the street. She asked
Domestic violence and emotional abuse in the home
Domestic violence (violence in the home), with women and children as primary victims, is a major worldwide epidemic. The majority, an estimated 90 percent to 95 percent, of victims in heterosexual relationships are women. It is estimated that at least 3 million to 4 million women are beaten by their husbands or partners annually in
The idea that intercourse should cause female orgasm
Jane talks about orgasm through intercourse with speaker notes! If any of us receive a sex education (which most of us do not), the explanations given rarely go further than the basic so-called facts of life. We are told about intercourse and the mechanics of reproduction. If we are really lucky, we are told about
The ideal male lover
Alex Comfort’s book ‘The Joy of Sex’ (1972) documented primarily positions for intercourse that he and his mistress had found pleasurable as part of their affair. The affair was quite open and the two lovers shared the family home with his wife and son. Don’t get me wrong. What Alex Comfort achieved was amazing at
Sexual insults, bullying and habitual harassment
Young people should understand what makes a positive relationship and what makes a bad one. There are benefits and risks involved in relationships depending on the degree of sexual intimacy. Before we can formulate our own view without being coerced by undue pressure from others, we need a minimum level of maturity, experience, self-esteem and
The same organ, the erectile phallus, is involved in orgasm
The erectile organs (penis and clitoris) develop from the same anatomy in the foetus called the genital tubercle. The penis and clitoris have crura alongside the corpora cavernosa that cause tumescence. [i] It is inconceivable that the organ responsible for male orgasm would not be the same organ that is responsible for female orgasm. Some
True female sexual arousal and orgasm
Any talk of sexual arousal and orgasm, usually focuses on women since men’s sexual arousal and orgasm tend to be a given. It is unthinkable that anyone needs to tell a man how to orgasm. By the time they are teenagers, boys have discovered how to enjoy their own sexual arousal, by looking at images
Sexual scenarios tend to be biased in men’s favour
No one ever admits that sex is biased in men’s favour. Accounts of female orgasm are heavily promoted and accounts of harassment, exploitation and rape are hushed up. A woman doesn’t need sex. So sex, and all its issues, is a male problem. Sex is foremost a biological male need that some men can satisfy
Understanding what works: the clitoris versus the vagina
Regardless of gender, sexual activity that is aimed at achieving orgasm involves continuous rhythmic movements [i] of the whole body focused primarily on the pelvis. The hips are thrust forward or gyrated in a rolling motion and the buttocks clamped together. The toes or feet may be pointed. Some experts advise women to tense their
Women’s psychological sexual arousal
Even today, female sexual arousal is shrouded in mystery. Female orgasm is assumed to happen ‘naturally’ or with the assistance of a loving partner. No one needs to tell men how their sexual arousal works. Boys experience spontaneous erections so that male masturbation is inevitable. Girls do not develop the same genital focus and so
Male propaganda: saying women should enjoy sex
Ask a woman in any developing country about sex and she will tell you it is for male pleasure and making babies. Try asking a woman in a developed country the same question and you get silence. Sexual politics is created by men’s desire for intercourse. Men will not accept what women say about sex
The quality aspects of orgasm rely on erotic turn-ons
Prostitutes, swingers and bluffers may talk nonchalantly about techniques for pleasuring a man. But they never refer to the erotic turn-ons they enjoy. [i] Women are likely to feel more at ease with a lover if they enjoy eroticism through fantasies. Responsive women orgasm by identifying with the penetrating male. But even they are not
Difficulties in applying orgasm techniques to sex
Women’s orgasm techniques leant from masturbation (including both clitoral stimulation and use of sexual fantasies) are not always as easy to transfer to sex with a partner as experts imply. “Among all types of sexual activity, masturbation is, however, the one in which the female most frequently reaches orgasm. Even in her marital coitus the
Intercourse is a territorial act of male dominance
In a society where men and women raise families together, intercourse is presented as a lovemaking act. But by looking at Nature we can see that mating is an act of male assault. By depositing his sperm in a woman’s body, a man potentially forces her to bear his progeny. A woman responds to rape
Orgasm involves identifying with the penetrating male
Some women suggest that female arousal depends on emotional stimuli. I do not think I ever accepted this idea. But it is difficult to discount the experience of others. I slowly concluded that they are mistaken. This fact led me to a further conclusion that arousal is not a common place experience for women. Consequently
Positions and techniques for sexual intercourse
Shere Hite explained in the 1970s how the women in her surveys reached orgasm during sex. She compared women’s success with orgasm during masturbation to their experience of intercourse and concluded that the difference was due to lack of clitoral stimulation. “To have an orgasm during intercourse, there are two ways a woman can increase
Penetration is what makes sex erotic and taboo
Penetrative sex (both anal and vaginal intercourse) has a special role in our concept of eroticism. Penetration by a phallus is key to our view of what sex is about. Both sexes may be aroused by the concept of either being the penetrator or being penetrated regardless of sexual orientation. Both men and women can
Bisexuality indicates an ambivalence over a lover’s gender
Although men have varying levels of sex drive (which affect the frequency with which they want sex), once a man engages in specific genital stimulation he almost always does orgasm. [i] For men, physical stimulation leads to orgasm because they are easily aroused, especially with a lover. A man’s sexual emotions involve his sexual drive
Transferring masturbation techniques to sex
Caroline lived on a farm as a child and was fortunate in having innocent and light-hearted sexual experiences as she grew up. Even as kids they would play the ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ game on the bus ride to school. Her mother insisted that Caroline went on the pill at
The significance of nudity and being touched
Private parts refer to the anatomy that we may want (or be required) to cover up. Private parts include the buttocks, the genitals and the female breasts. Girls are discouraged from showing their panties. Boys learn to keep their penis hidden. It may be considered indecent to show too much bare flesh. Parents often think
Women’s sexual responses do not need to be sociable
Surveys are inherently flawed where there is a bias in the acceptability of the responses. Frankly it is amazing that any woman ever admits to being non-orgasmic. The turn-on explains the bias. But given female masturbation is so rare why do so many (relatively) of these women volunteer? The answer is in the research findings
Why foreplay techniques don’t always work as we think they should
Foreplay has evolved as a means of compensating women for the lack of clitoral stimulation during intercourse. The concept behind foreplay techniques (including clitoral stimulation) is that a man should be able to arouse a woman sufficiently to enable him to continue stimulating her to orgasm through thrusting alone. One problem with foreplay is that
Consent is vital even within loving relationships
Sexuality is about the choices we make to explore our sexuality both alone and with a lover. The way in which we express our sexuality should show consideration towards others. Everyone should be free to make their own sexual decisions without undue influence. We have the choice to remain a virgin or to be celibate.
Orgasm is a one-off release followed by a recovery period
With all the completely insane and goofy explanations, I get from women on the internet, it is tempting to believe that, somewhere, there must be women who are intelligent and sexually knowledgeable who could make a much better job of explaining their sexuality. I don’t believe this is the case. Most women keep quiet because
Contact Jane Thomas
Please connect with me on Twitter, ResearchGate, LinkedIn, Facebook, Mastodon and Instagram! Take a look at my books and watch my videos . You can also contact me directly by email! Many people describe their sex life, including evidence of female arousal, as if it came straight out erotic fiction. I have come to question
Why sex education is vital today more than ever
Jane talks about ‘Learn About Sexuality’ with slides. Even though adults may have decades of sexual experience, they are often so intimidated by the confidence of the younger generation that they assume young people know more about sex than they do. The young may be the most sexually active but inevitably they are also ignorant
Female sexuality involves attracting male sexual attention
Any discussion of female sexuality is usually aimed at providing turn-ons for men rather than being a realistic description of how women truly orgasm. Those who are paid to promote sex succeed in confusing us all (even women) over what is truly possible. Women who talk about orgasm are either promoting their therapy business, their
How to enjoy your sexual fantasies
Women use clitoral stimulation during female masturbation but that’s just dessert. Main course is achieving sexual arousal though sexual fantasies. Many women never learn how to enjoy these. The first step in developing sexual fantasies is for a woman to read erotic stories without any goal except relaxation and enjoyment. I started reading erotica around
Why women cannot orgasm through intercourse
Male orgasm through intercourse is crucial to human reproductive biology. (1) Intercourse is totally defined by male responses Intercourse is a demonstration of the male arousal cycle, from erection to ejaculation. Intercourse is only possible once a man has an erection and it comes to an end once he has had an orgasm (the trigger
Responsive women use fantasy to achieve arousal alone
Sexual activity is typically described in terms of physical stimulation. The idea that the brain needs to have an empathic response to eroticism is rarely mentioned. This is because we can see physical activity but we cannot know what is happening inside another person’s head. No one (not even a man) can orgasm if their
Reaching orgasm
Rose was a pretty woman even in her late forties. Despite being a mother and housewife she always achieved a classy presentation. Rose told me: “Although I masturbated as a youngster (from 14) it was never to orgasm. My first orgasm was by accident. It happened at 17 with a boyfriend – not during penetrative sex
How we know that the vagina is not a sex organ
Orgasm is a primitive and fundamental response of the human body because male orgasm triggers ejaculation, which is vital for reproduction. Male orgasm involves the brain (which responds to erotic stimuli by increasing blood flow to the genitals) and the penis. The penis and the clitoris develop from the genital tubercle in the foetus. They
The mind responds to erotic stimuli: concepts or objects
No boy reaches puberty and consciously decides to be aroused by girls. It just happens. If it doesn’t, he may have a very low sex drive. If a boy is aroused by boys, he is probably homosexual. If a boy is aroused by both sexes, he may be bisexual. No one consciously chooses what concepts
How women enjoy eroticism through sex stories
Most heterosexual women do not masturbate. They also do not find the concepts of eroticism or fantasy that appealing. So who reads all the feminine erotica out there? Presumably some lesbian women masturbate and read erotica. In fact, female masturbation and clitoral stimulation are often associated with lesbianism. Perhaps this is why so much female
Women’s orgasm claims do not result in more sex
Let’s imagine, for a moment, that men and women experience the same level of responsiveness ( orgasm frequency). Even so, responsiveness varies between individuals. There would inevitably be times when one lover or the other wanted more sex. There would be many complaints from women of all ages that they were not getting enough sex.
Women who use fantasy for sexual arousal
I have never been a romantic. But recently, I must have gone soft in the head because I now enjoy romantic dramas. I admire the hero’s masculinity, his body (admittedly fully clothed) and his portrayal of restrained sex drive. Romance may make a woman amenable to sex but I have not found that it helps
Women are often unsure about orgasm during sex
If intercourse caused female orgasm, there wouldn’t be a mystery that needed researching in the first place. Any scientific account of female responsiveness has to be able to explain why female orgasm was such a secret for so long. The fact that women are capable of orgasm was highlighted by scientists. If female orgasm occurred
Men’s sexual knowledge is acquired from pornography
Today we have no official account of human sexuality. So men’s sexual knowledge of how women enjoy sexual pleasure (how women are assumed to achieve orgasm) comes from pornography or other fictional sources intended to cause arousal. For example, so-called squirting is completely fictional. Women cannot ejaculate. Similarly, the female breast is no more capable
Sharing sexual fantasies
Although I knew that women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies during masturbation, when I approached orgasm during sex, I never considered using sexual fantasies to generate sexual arousal. The presence of another person makes it impossible to achieve the mental focus needed to reach orgasm through fantasy alone. “Women also often find it easier
Women are naturally sexually passive with a lover
Imagine a woman who responds like a man. She is highly aroused from the start. She strips her lover naked to see his genitals. She caresses and kisses her lover’s body from head to toe. She makes love to his penis and provides amazing oral sex. Where would the human race be now if women
Women do not masturbate as a substitute for intercourse
Male responsiveness declines very gradually from adolescence onwards. Few men masturbate regularly by the age of 50. At any age most men only masturbate in the absence of an offer of penetrative sex. It is a subtle point but masturbation clearly fulfils quite different functions for men and women. Male masturbation is primarily a kind
Women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies
Real female orgasms involve the release of sexual emotions not romantic feelings. So it does not matter how much you love your partner, orgasm will not materialise out of thin air. Orgasm requires at least a few naughty thoughts from time to time, so if your conscience is as clear as a nun’s then you
The receiver of intercourse need not be aroused
Alfred Kinsey concluded that female masturbation provided the most convincing evidence for female orgasm. Kinsey found that lesbians and responsive women had orgasms on average around once every 2 to 3 weeks. Even though they did not obtain the correct stimulation (of the clitoris), women who claimed to orgasm from intercourse reported higher orgasm frequencies.
Mental arousal must always precede physical stimulation
The only reason women are assumed to orgasm without ever being mentally aroused is because most women are unaware of what is involved in sexual response. They observe men and conclude that only physical stimulation is required to achieve orgasm. Women overlook the significance of a man having an erection. They are oblivious to (or
Not every woman enjoys eroticism
Most girls probably read romantic stories but not everyone is comfortable with the more explicitly sexual nature of erotic stories, which help a woman develop the sexual fantasies that lead to orgasm. Our sexual fantasies represent the aspects of sex that we find most arousing and hence most taboo. “Although every child learns that pretending
Intercourse is totally defined by male responses
Men have much more confidence over sexual matters than women because sex revolves around male responses . A man’s arousal motivates him to initiate sexual activity. His desire for penetration ensures that he wants to obtain sexual opportunities with a partner. His erection makes penetrative sex possible. But his orgasm ends his interest in engaging
Female sexuality is defined by men and their fantasies
Men’s acute arousal ensures that they approach sex with a clear agenda. Women are not aroused, which is why they talk about emotional sensations. [i] Whether in real life or in pornography a woman provides an orifice (mouth, vagina or anus) for a man to ejaculate into. Women rarely demonstrate sexual initiative. For example, they
Arousal comes from appreciating eroticism
Our ability to become sexually aroused through an appreciation of eroticism is a normal as well as a necessary part of human sexuality. Sex (male arousal and orgasm in particular) leads to family and yet hypocritically, while family is encouraged, sex remains taboo. Young boys learn about orgasm through masturbation because an erect penis is
How we know that women do not have a sex drive
Women’s dislike of eroticism means that men learn to keep their responses to themselves. Men’s embarrassment over communicating their sexual needs (due to the disgust women express over sexual urges) contributes to the confusion over female sexuality. Women can claim to have a sex drive because men never explain in explicit and graphic detail what
Our biological motivation to enjoy arousal and orgasm
There is a precedent for female masturbation in the animal world. Some female mammals do masturbate but since they do not ejaculate it is difficult to establish that female mammals stimulate themselves to orgasm. Misconception #4: Because of the male experience, it is incorrectly assumed that women have a sex drive to achieve orgasm. Women
How to give a woman an orgasm during sex
The suggestion is that for the perfect sex life a woman just needs to find the right man: usually a loving and considerate partner, who will, of course, know how to give her an orgasm. Self-evidently a woman needs a considerate lover if intercourse is to be a love-making act otherwise it is simply rape.
Sex drive: a need to ejaculate through intercourse
Male sex drive arises from the build-up of sexual tension (through regular arousal). Men may be able to relieve tension to a degree by masturbating. But ultimately intercourse provides the most satisfying way for men to release their sexual emotions. This is a natural consequence of our reproductive biology. There is no point in men
Similarities between male and female responsiveness
The similarities between male and female responsiveness include: Mental arousal must always precede physical stimulation; The mind responds to erotic stimuli: concepts or objects; Orgasm is a one-off release followed by a recovery period; Orgasm involves identifying with the penetrating male; The same organ, the erectile phallus, is involved in orgasm; Orgasm is achieved by
Clitoral stimulation is not everything
As long ago as the 1950s the clitoris, and not the vagina, was acknowledged to be the origin of female orgasm. So that by the 1960s when Masters and Johnson explained female orgasm from intercourse alone, it was in terms of women finding positions and techniques for sexual intercourse that maximise the indirect clitoral stimulation
Intercourse is an act of mating and impregnation
Sexuality is about the act of mating. Humans do not have sex simply in order to reproduce. We also have sex to enjoy pleasure (recreation) and intimacy, which creates the emotional bonding that keeps couples committed to each other over the years needed to support a family (deferred reproduction). For most animals, a male fertilises
Understanding women’s sexual and emotional needs
Sadly, researchers are often just as impressed with far-fetched accounts of female orgasm as the general public. Academics debate pure conjecture such as female ejaculation (copious quantities of vaginal juices produced by aroused females) based on age-old male fantasies and up-suck of sperm (pelvic contractions supposedly arising from so-called vaginal orgasms) as if they are
Clitoral stimulation
William Masters and Virginia Johnson’s research in the 1960s focused on intercourse but even they acknowledged that the clitoris is the source of female orgasm (NOT the vagina as is often assumed). To explain female orgasm during intercourse, they suggested that the hood of the clitoris is pulled each time the penis thrusts into the
The story behind the G-spot myth (1982)
In the 1980s, Beverly Whipple and John Perry were teaching Kegel exercises to women with urinary stress incontinence. They identified a patch of tissue that can be felt through the front wall of the vagina , directly behind the pubic bone that they suggested might cause orgasm in some women. They published a book with
Sexual pleasure: how responsive women reach orgasm
It is often assumed that every woman masturbates just as every man (96%) does. Yet there are no research findings to support this view. Alfred Kinsey found that a few [i] women (20%) masturbate regularly but not necessarily to orgasm. Most of these women only try masturbation for a few years. Kinsey’s research indicated that
Orgasm during sex
Unfortunately, modern day sexology is not a science based on facts and logic but more a collection of beliefs and opinions. One expert will claim that all women orgasm by the age of 19; another asserts 30. Some say that clitoral stimulation is needed for orgasm and others that clitoral stimulation is irrelevant to female
Rejection of research based on talking to women
The value in using statistical sampling techniques (that attempt to ensure that the sample is representative of the general population), is that the finding can be applied to a much bigger population than the original sample. However, conclusions can only be extended to the population if the research is based on individuals who are selected
Women depend on a lover to stimulate them to orgasm
Everyone applauds the idea that a man should care about his partner’s orgasm. [i] But orgasm is an instinctive response to eroticism that occurs in our own brain not our partner’s. When a couple’s sex life falls apart, therapists focus on issues in the wider relationship rather than discuss sexual techniques. This is because sex
What if female sexuality truly equalled male sexuality?
Imagine the scenario: a man and a woman facing each other, naked, in a world where men and women have an identical sex drive. So, of course, they are both standing there with an erection. Just to be clear: the man has an erect penis and the woman has an erect clitoris. Would they mutually
Platonic love is just as powerful as sexual love
When sexual performance is discussed, the sexual ego, bravado and general unpleasantness that is so often displayed is due to insecurities. Everyone wants to be admired, to be thought normal and preferably to be a good performer. But orgasm is a personal pleasure. It has nothing to do with providing pleasure for another person. Men
Men may get more sex if they are willing to be realistic
Only some men like to offer their partners any form of foreplay. Other men (probably the majority) prefer to head straight for the joys of intercourse.[i] Because men are much more promiscuous than women on average, it is often assumed that all men are promiscuous. Many men think about having sex with various women throughout
Lack of arousal during sex
Intimacy with a lover causes me to feel affectionate but I am rarely conscious of any sexual arousal. Whether it’s sex with a partner, or masturbation for that matter, I am usually pretty much stone cold in arousal terms at the start. I might conclude that I am frigid if it were not for the
The romantic pleasure a woman enjoys from sex
In modern times we talk of sexual partners but in the past, heterosexuals more often talked of lovers. Women do not think of sex in terms of the erotic turn-ons and genital stimulation as men do. Women think of sex in terms of a man’s sexual passion in romantic scenarios. A man’s desire is communicated
Welcome to Love, Sex & Intimacy!
Jane talks about ‘Exploring Sex Play’ with accompanying slides to download! I read a great deal as I was growing up and books often portray ideals rather than reality. Even as a teenager, I had questions about sex. When I had intercourse for the first time, at the age of eighteen, I already knew what
Women’s sexual dysfunction
Although many sources refer to women’s ‘sexual dysfunction’, it is rare to find a definition of what is supposed to be sexually ‘normal’ for women in the first place. Sex involves both reproduction and sexual pleasure. So in reproductive terms, a man could be described as sexually dysfunctional if he cannot impregnate a female (male
Women drive the need for dating and romance
Without sex, there may be friendship between adults but there is little physical intimacy. Heterosexual women are dependent on men to provide this sense of connection with another adult. Platonic love is caring and affectionate. Sexual love (or reciprocating sexual love) can be more intensely emotional in the beginning. Women experience this emotional reward initially
Women substitute sexual behaviours for responsiveness
Many people are outraged by the suggestion that anyone might misrepresent women’s sexuality or exaggerate female responsiveness. Yet in other areas of the human experience, adults tell lies or bend the truth all the time. Human beings are often more concerned with impressing or influencing others than with any principle as prosaic as the truth.
How to orgasm
Shere Hite explained how women apply orgasm techniques in order to orgasm during intercourse. Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not automatic and so women have to learn how to orgasm. Inevitably, such techniques take time to develop. “… the two reasons women don’t orgasm during intercourse are: (1) they are given false information, specifically
Women do not need to be like men to be valid
Sex educators think women need to be educated about masturbation and the clitoris. Yet no man ever needs to be told about masturbation and the penis. No one considers that this behaviour (of not masturbating) might be quite normal for women. We do not orgasm because we are given information. A responsive woman does not
The function of foreplay is to assist with female arousal
Men are proactive lovers because of their arousal. Men enjoy exploring women’s bodies because it is arousing for them. Foreplay existed well before any knowledge of the clitoris. A woman allows a man to stimulate her to the boundaries of her sense of propriety. I was just as passive with a lover as any other
The facts of female sexuality
Shere Hite pointed out in 1976 that intercourse does not provide the specific clitoral stimulation that women need to orgasm. So, it is very likely that any woman who claims easy orgasm during intercourse is mistaken. Especially given so few women masturbate and so most do not know what orgasm is. Women’s talk of the
Ego means men overlook what women contribute
Prostitutes must have more sexual experience than even the most promiscuous of men. But a prostitute is never called a great lover. Men attribute all the skill and the effort of intercourse to themselves rather than to a woman. Men assume that women are merely the ungrateful recipients of the amazing sexual pleasure that men
Many men prefer intercourse and never offer any foreplay
The men with the highest overall orgasm frequencies throughout their lives are the less educated (those who are not educated beyond high school).[i] Some men focus on enjoying their own responsiveness rather than a lover’s arousal. Their self-absorption makes them relatively oblivious to a lover’s perspective, who is relieved of any need to exaggerate her
Most women are not aiming for orgasm through genital stimulation
Some women refer to ‘making love’ because the term more accurately describes their motives in terms of loving emotions rather than as an explicit sex drive. Modern expectations cause some women to talk about their sexual experiences (whatever they are) in terms of arousal and orgasm. Some women knowingly fake orgasm but there is almost
Men’s sex drive can cause them to be insensitive
Men’s sex drive motivates them to take the sexual initiative. Men are foremost attracted to body parts but they also like a lover who is sexually amenable, which means passive rather than asserting her own needs. Women give sex as a means of demonstrating affection. When a woman feels emotionally attracted to a man, she
Intercourse stimulates only the penetrator’s sex organ
Men, both gay and straight, can enjoy the intensely pleasurable sensations of anal penetration, when combined with appropriate lubrication and a sensitive lover. But usually male orgasm still relies on penile stimulation. [i] To be capable of penetration the penis must be erect, so a man must be aroused. But the receiver of intercourse never
Understanding the G-spot
The Gräfenberg Spot, or G-Spot, has been surrounded by controversy ever since its ‘discovery’ only decades ago. Some women may have one about an inch or so (2-5cm) up in the front wall of the vagina. The G-spot is believed to be an erogenous zone which when stimulated can lead to high levels of sexual
Sex is an emotional bonding mechanism for men
For men, sex is like a magic pill that makes the world seem more positive. Some men look to women as a distraction from everyday life. Sex represents an escape from the real world into fantasy. Sex can also be a form of male entertainment. Sex does not fulfil the same function for women. A
Women are proactive lovers due to their own arousal
We often hear sex educators blaming men for ignoring women’s presumed sexual needs. But why are women so incapable of obtaining their own sexual satisfaction? Why are men responsible for defining women’s pleasure? In porn we see women pleasuring a lover and, in turn, being pleasured. The pleasuring appears to be mutual. But while male
Real female orgasms
In the film ‘Private Benjamin’, a group of female army recruits sits around a campfire during an overnight exercise. One of the women says: “I had an orgasm once…” and the others giggle. She goes on to say in a disappointed tone “…but I was alone!” Her girlfriends laugh sympathetically. In the film, Goldie Hawn
Men’s sexual satisfaction relies on having a lover
The key purpose of sex is to effect reproduction, which is done via intercourse. So men’s sexuality has to include a need to engage in sexual activity with a partner. Male responsiveness is required for intercourse to be possible and their orgasm triggers the reproductive event (ejaculation of sperm). Women’s sexuality does not have the
Some men hope that sexual pleasuring can be mutual
Society often implies that sex (like smoking and drinking) is a sign of maturity and worldliness. Films portray prostitutes as beautiful and classy young women offering a variety of sexual pleasuring techniques. Sadly, the run-of-the-mill prostitute does not provide ‘dinner with a show’. [i] She feels no obligation to fake her presumed pleasure in return
The ‘non-genital’ female orgasm
In response to my suggestion that it was ridiculous to suggest that a man can give a woman an orgasm, a man wrote: “My wife is consistently orgasmic. They are obviously not faked. She can’t fake the cries, the involuntary movements, the demands for more stimulation, and everything else that goes with orgasm. I’ve offered
Sexual attraction and commitment to a relationship
Especially in the early days of a romance, both sexes can feel an electric thrill from touching, hearing or seeing a lover. We have a desire to be physically close and to hold them. For women this is an emotional thrill but for men, the desire is genitally focused and includes sexual arousal. When we
Confusion over anatomy only arises with a male lover
Men’s orgasm techniques are consistent regardless of sexual orientation. Once his mind is triggered by a turn-on, a man stimulates his penis whether he engages in masturbation, oral sex or intercourse. Only the anatomy of their lover dictates whether men engage in vaginal or anal intercourse. Women’s orgasm techniques are much less consistent. Notably, behaviours