How we know that the vagina is not a sex organ
Orgasm is a primitive and fundamental response of the human body because male orgasm triggers ejaculation, which is vital for reproduction. Male orgasm involves the brain (which responds to erotic stimuli by increasing blood flow to the genitals) and the penis. The penis and the clitoris develop from the genital tubercle in the foetus. They
Women’s orgasm claims do not result in more sex
Let’s imagine, for a moment, that men and women experience the same level of responsiveness ( orgasm frequency). Even so, responsiveness varies between individuals. There would inevitably be times when one lover or the other wanted more sex. There would be many complaints from women of all ages that they were not getting enough sex.
Women are often unsure about orgasm during sex
If intercourse caused female orgasm, there wouldn’t be a mystery that needed researching in the first place. Any scientific account of female responsiveness has to be able to explain why female orgasm was such a secret for so long. The fact that women are capable of orgasm was highlighted by scientists. If female orgasm occurred
Women are naturally sexually passive with a lover
Imagine a woman who responds like a man. She is highly aroused from the start. She strips her lover naked to see his genitals. She caresses and kisses her lover’s body from head to toe. She makes love to his penis and provides amazing oral sex. Where would the human race be now if women
The receiver of intercourse need not be aroused
Alfred Kinsey concluded that female masturbation provided the most convincing evidence for female orgasm. Kinsey found that lesbians and responsive women had orgasms on average around once every 2 to 3 weeks. Even though they did not obtain the correct stimulation (of the clitoris), women who claimed to orgasm from intercourse reported higher orgasm frequencies.
Intercourse is totally defined by male responses
Men have much more confidence over sexual matters than women because sex revolves around male responses . A man’s arousal motivates him to initiate sexual activity. His desire for penetration ensures that he wants to obtain sexual opportunities with a partner. His erection makes penetrative sex possible. But his orgasm ends his interest in engaging
How we know that women do not have a sex drive
Women’s dislike of eroticism means that men learn to keep their responses to themselves. Men’s embarrassment over communicating their sexual needs (due to the disgust women express over sexual urges) contributes to the confusion over female sexuality. Women can claim to have a sex drive because men never explain in explicit and graphic detail what
Sex drive: a need to ejaculate through intercourse
Male sex drive arises from the build-up of sexual tension (through regular arousal). Men may be able to relieve tension to a degree by masturbating. But ultimately intercourse provides the most satisfying way for men to release their sexual emotions. This is a natural consequence of our reproductive biology. There is no point in men
Intercourse is an act of mating and impregnation
Sexuality is about the act of mating. Humans do not have sex simply in order to reproduce. We also have sex to enjoy pleasure (recreation) and intimacy, which creates the emotional bonding that keeps couples committed to each other over the years needed to support a family (deferred reproduction). For most animals, a male fertilises
Sexual pleasure need not always focus on orgasm
Alfred Kinsey concluded that any research that involved making subjective judgements of the emotional rewards of sex activity would make it impossible to compare individual experiences (because of personal interpretation). He chose to use responsiveness as an objective measure of sexual activity. Measuring physical phenomenon is a very natural male perspective on sexual function. Kinsey
The influence of religious beliefs on sexuality
Each culture has its own set of values. Some people consider these beliefs to be more important than others. While we are children, our parents make choices for us in the belief that they are for our benefit. Once we are adult, we can decide on our own values. Research indicates that both the cultural
Why women do not orgasm from cunnilingus
Men believe that cunnilingus causes female orgasm. But where does this belief come from? It doesn’t come from any research findings. Cunnilingus is clearly associated with pornography rather than women’s sexual pleasure. Misunderstandings over cunnilingus arise primarily because of the belief that women are aroused by the prospect of sexual activity in exactly the same
The idea that women are naturally aroused with a lover
Jane’s slides on ‘Relationship Sex’ help explain female arousal. The very first time I had sex, I knew that something was up. I felt absolutely nothing. I just lay there wondering what was going on until my partner had finished. I concluded the whole thing was a hoax. But because of the ignorance in our
Women attract men by sexualising themselves
We wear clothes for protection, for warmth, for decency and also for display. The need to differentiate ourselves depends on our personality. Many women believe it is an essential part of their femininity to display their bodies. As long as there are no consequences (they are protected from male advances), women enjoy the admiration they
Asking young women to define female sexuality
Young women are naturally impressed by men’s greater confidence. They are full of romantic illusions and curiosity. They have the inexperience and the optimism of youth. It’s easy for a woman to give a man the pleasure he wants. Young women can’t understand why older women recommend modesty and restraint. They enjoy the novelty of
The sexual politics of women competing over men
If men and women wanted the same thing there would be no sexual politics . Men and women are at odds because they want different things. Marriage comes with its privileges and obligations. A man’s reward is regular sex. A woman’s reward is caring for those she loves. Sexual politics involves men and women using
Difficulties in assessing women’s sexuality
Our understanding of female sexuality must reflect what real women are physically and emotionally capable of. The advantage of a realistic approach is that couples can build on what is practically achievable rather than hanker after an impossible fantasy. Men stress about what they can do or say to get a woman into bed. So
Sex as a competitive sport and erotic entertainment
A woman values a man as a social asset (who has status and experience). But a man values a woman as a sexual asset. A young woman is a trophy because of her attractiveness and her inexperience. A man enjoys knowing that his lover is attractive not only to himself but also to other men.
Sex without consent is rape regardless of intent
It’s important to appreciate that the situation where a man rapes random strangers is rare. These men (called rapists) specifically enjoy the violence of the
Women are not respected for being promiscuous
A polite way of expressing some men’s enjoyment of promiscuity is to say that they like the ladies. There is no equivalent expression to describe a woman who is promiscuous. The term lady is used as a form of respect that is needed because of the disrespect men often display towards women. A man defends
Child sexual abuse, incest and paedophilia
Paedophiles blatantly challenge the concept of consent. Paedophilia involves a few men who are sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. Many paedophiles control their urges and avoid coming into contact with children. Others do eventually act on their urges by exposing themselves to children, watching naked children, masturbating themselves in front of children or touching children’s
Prostitution generally involves men paying for sex
There have always been some women who are willing to offer men sex on demand. But they want to be paid. By far the most common form of prostitution involves women providing sexual services to men. The second most common sexual service is for gay men (4% of the male population). Women usually pay male
Domestic violence and emotional abuse in the home
Domestic violence (violence in the home), with women and children as primary victims, is a major worldwide epidemic. The majority, an estimated 90 percent to 95 percent, of victims in heterosexual relationships are women. It is estimated that at least 3 million to 4 million women are beaten by their husbands or partners annually in
The idea that intercourse should cause female orgasm
Jane talks about orgasm through intercourse with speaker notes! If any of us receive a sex education (which most of us do not), the explanations given rarely go further than the basic so-called facts of life. We are told about intercourse and the mechanics of reproduction. If we are really lucky, we are told about
Sexual insults, bullying and habitual harassment
Young people should understand what makes a positive relationship and what makes a bad one. There are benefits and risks involved in relationships depending on the degree of sexual intimacy. Before we can formulate our own view without being coerced by undue pressure from others, we need a minimum level of maturity, experience, self-esteem and
The sex industry focuses on male gratification
Sexuality is about talking, observing or interacting with others in return for payment or other non-relationship rewards. Depending on our personality we may employ a variety of behaviours and attitudes to attract, impress or arouse a potential lover. Sexual contacts are usually a private affair. We are either alone or with one other person. Most
Sexual scenarios tend to be biased in men’s favour
No one ever admits that sex is biased in men’s favour. Accounts of female orgasm are heavily promoted and accounts of harassment, exploitation and rape are hushed up. A woman doesn’t need sex. So sex, and all its issues, is a male problem. Sex is foremost a biological male need that some men can satisfy
Welcome to Learn About Sexuality!
Our society provides no sex education . The magazine articles, we glance at occasionally, regurgitate the same old wives’ tales. We rely on so-called sex experts not because they have special knowledge or experience but just because so few people are willing to talk about sex in public. Despite the universal silence from women on
Male propaganda: saying women should enjoy sex
Ask a woman in any developing country about sex and she will tell you it is for male pleasure and making babies. Try asking a woman in a developed country the same question and you get silence. Sexual politics is created by men’s desire for intercourse. Men will not accept what women say about sex
Differences between men and women’s responses
One of the major differences between the way men and women respond in sexual scenarios is that being touched by a lover, is emotionally significant to men. A man takes pleasure in stimulating his penis when alone because he is aroused. But his pleasure with a lover is much greater because of the emotional acceptance
Intercourse is a territorial act of male dominance
In a society where men and women raise families together, intercourse is presented as a lovemaking act. But by looking at Nature we can see that mating is an act of male assault. By depositing his sperm in a woman’s body, a man potentially forces her to bear his progeny. A woman responds to rape
Penetration is what makes sex erotic and taboo
Penetrative sex (both anal and vaginal intercourse) has a special role in our concept of eroticism. Penetration by a phallus is key to our view of what sex is about. Both sexes may be aroused by the concept of either being the penetrator or being penetrated regardless of sexual orientation. Both men and women can
The significance of nudity and being touched
Private parts refer to the anatomy that we may want (or be required) to cover up. Private parts include the buttocks, the genitals and the female breasts. Girls are discouraged from showing their panties. Boys learn to keep their penis hidden. It may be considered indecent to show too much bare flesh. Parents often think
Similarities between men and women’s responses
Orgasm is a basic physiological response of the human body. Just as the same mechanism causes men and women to sneeze, so we also orgasm in the same way. Regardless of gender and orientation, both the anatomy and the trigger are the same. We massage the tumescent phallus and focus our minds on explicit aspects
Consent is vital even within loving relationships
Sexuality is about the choices we make to explore our sexuality both alone and with a lover. The way in which we express our sexuality should show consideration towards others. Everyone should be free to make their own sexual decisions without undue influence. We have the choice to remain a virgin or to be celibate.
The male psychology of seeing a lover as a sex object
Unlike emotional attachments, arousal is not caused by a specific person or by a relationship. Arousal relies on being able to see a person, to some degree, as an object. Arousal is achieved when the mind focuses on objects or concepts that a person finds arousing. Arousal mechanisms (erotic turn-ons) involve physical attributes and the
Mental arousal combines with a thrusting instinct
Men can orgasm from non-reproductive activity such as fellatio or masturbation. But men obtain the most satisfying sexual release by ejaculating into a lover’s body. So although another person is not absolutely necessary for men to enjoy orgasm, it is typically preferred. So men naturally assume that women have the same preference. But female arousal
Why sex education is vital today more than ever
Jane talks about ‘Learn About Sexuality’ with slides. Even though adults may have decades of sexual experience, they are often so intimidated by the confidence of the younger generation that they assume young people know more about sex than they do. The young may be the most sexually active but inevitably they are also ignorant
The mental focus required to achieve orgasm
Anyone who masturbates needs to use fantasy for arousal. Turn-ons are erotic concepts or images that motivate us to engage in sexual activity. We enjoy the sensations of arousal that result from exploring our fantasies. Sex involves our enjoyment of mental arousal through an appreciation of eroticism (men tend to use graphic images and realistic
Why women cannot orgasm through intercourse
Male orgasm through intercourse is crucial to human reproductive biology. (1) Intercourse is totally defined by male responses Intercourse is a demonstration of the male arousal cycle, from erection to ejaculation. Intercourse is only possible once a man has an erection and it comes to an end once he has had an orgasm (the trigger
Arousal is psychological and arises in the mind
Sexual arousal arises in the brain and is a form of nervous excitement. In other words, the nervous system is disturbed (more agitated than its normal resting state). Both our breathing and heart rate are elevated due to the brain activity. Sexual arousal occurs initially subconsciously. But at some point, we become conscious of our
Orgasm is an instinctive response to erotic stimuli
Orgasm is an instinctive response. That means that even when we have no prior knowledge or experience of orgasm , we are still able to discover it. It has to be that way because otherwise the human race (and other animals) would not exist. We haven’t always had books or even word of mouth to
The story behind the G-spot myth (1982)
In the 1980s, Beverly Whipple and John Perry were teaching Kegel exercises to women with urinary stress incontinence. They identified a patch of tissue that can be felt through the front wall of the vagina , directly behind the pubic bone that they suggested might cause orgasm in some women. They published a book with
Rejection of research based on talking to women
The value in using statistical sampling techniques (that attempt to ensure that the sample is representative of the general population), is that the finding can be applied to a much bigger population than the original sample. However, conclusions can only be extended to the population if the research is based on individuals who are selected
Platonic love is just as powerful as sexual love
When sexual performance is discussed, the sexual ego, bravado and general unpleasantness that is so often displayed is due to insecurities. Everyone wants to be admired, to be thought normal and preferably to be a good performer. But orgasm is a personal pleasure. It has nothing to do with providing pleasure for another person. Men
The romantic pleasure a woman enjoys from sex
In modern times we talk of sexual partners but in the past, heterosexuals more often talked of lovers. Women do not think of sex in terms of the erotic turn-ons and genital stimulation as men do. Women think of sex in terms of a man’s sexual passion in romantic scenarios. A man’s desire is communicated
Women drive the need for dating and romance
Without sex, there may be friendship between adults but there is little physical intimacy. Heterosexual women are dependent on men to provide this sense of connection with another adult. Platonic love is caring and affectionate. Sexual love (or reciprocating sexual love) can be more intensely emotional in the beginning. Women experience this emotional reward initially
Women do not need to be like men to be valid
Sex educators think women need to be educated about masturbation and the clitoris. Yet no man ever needs to be told about masturbation and the penis. No one considers that this behaviour (of not masturbating) might be quite normal for women. We do not orgasm because we are given information. A responsive woman does not
Ego means men overlook what women contribute
Prostitutes must have more sexual experience than even the most promiscuous of men. But a prostitute is never called a great lover. Men attribute all the skill and the effort of intercourse to themselves rather than to a woman. Men assume that women are merely the ungrateful recipients of the amazing sexual pleasure that men
Men’s sex drive can cause them to be insensitive
Men’s sex drive motivates them to take the sexual initiative. Men are foremost attracted to body parts but they also like a lover who is sexually amenable, which means passive rather than asserting her own needs. Women give sex as a means of demonstrating affection. When a woman feels emotionally attracted to a man, she
Sex is an emotional bonding mechanism for men
For men, sex is like a magic pill that makes the world seem more positive. Some men look to women as a distraction from everyday life. Sex represents an escape from the real world into fantasy. Sex can also be a form of male entertainment. Sex does not fulfil the same function for women. A
Men’s sexual satisfaction relies on having a lover
The key purpose of sex is to effect reproduction, which is done via intercourse. So men’s sexuality has to include a need to engage in sexual activity with a partner. Male responsiveness is required for intercourse to be possible and their orgasm triggers the reproductive event (ejaculation of sperm). Women’s sexuality does not have the
Sexual attraction and commitment to a relationship
Especially in the early days of a romance, both sexes can feel an electric thrill from touching, hearing or seeing a lover. We have a desire to be physically close and to hold them. For women this is an emotional thrill but for men, the desire is genitally focused and includes sexual arousal. When we
Understanding the value of non-sexual intimacy
Sexuality is about our emotions and how we feel loved in our relationships with others. Although sex is often described in terms of eroticism, many people also look for emotional rewards. If we grow up within a family, we have a sense of connection with those around us. Children need their parents to care for
Lesbianism focuses on longer-term relationships
Only 2% of women are exclusively gay (half as common as male homosexuality). The average age to come out is 17 years old for gay men but 40 years old for lesbians. Responsive women may be able to deduce their orientation from their erotic fantasies. Our responsiveness is related to our sex and has nothing
Male homosexuality focuses on casual sex
Kinsey found that only 50% of the men in his sample were exclusively heterosexual. Many men (46%) were attracted towards other men even if only as a one-off experience. Around 10% of men at some time in their lives have predominantly homosexual relationships for a period of a few years. Highly sexed and uneducated men
Orientation is defined by who we are attracted to
The genes that cause us to be homosexual arise in random individuals throughout the population. Homosexuality is a completely harmless and natural orientation for anyone to have. For those people who are gay, homosexuality is quite normal. There is a misconception (particularly among women) that being gay is a lifestyle choice and the result of
Men cannot accept that women are unresponsive
Men’s experience of women is based on their observation of their lovers. Couples, even in long term relationships, do not discuss the details of sexual pleasure. As with orgasm, pleasure is more or less assumed. Men observe that some women have little response to stimulation. Yet others, even if only in pornography, appear to have
Characteristics of low sexual responsiveness
Research indicates that single women are not nearly as promiscuous as single men. Most men engage in sexual activity, even if it is only masturbation, on a regular basis from adolescence to old age. Many women can live quite happily without being sexually stimulated for weeks, months and even years. Unlike a boy who finds
Factors that are believed to affect male responsiveness
Factors that affect men’s orgasm frequencies include their age, the age at which they reached adolescence , as well as their level of education and whether they feel constrained by the judgement of religious teachings. Frequencies of sexual activity vary but almost all men (92%) orgasm quickly and easily through masturbation as well as through
Characteristics of high sexual responsiveness
As a boy grows into a man, he sees men bragging about their assumed success in providing a woman with amazing sexual pleasure. He sees men comparing notes on the sexual attributes they appreciate in a lover. He sees issues arising because of voyeurs, peeping Toms, men who assault and rape women. He can identify
Bill Masters and Virginia Johnson’s research (1966)
William Masters and Virginia Johnson observed volunteer couples having intercourse in the laboratory. Female orgasm was simply assumed to occur as a result of intercourse. This laboratory-based approach was much more popular than Alfred Kinsey’s complex statistical approach and has remained the predominant model. The public is easily impressed by people who wear laboratory coats
The internal anatomy involved in reproduction
Our sex is determined by chromosomes. A man has an XY chromosome and a woman has an XX chromosome. There are other combinations (involving three chromosomes) but the Y chromosome is associated with being male. A boy inherits a Y chromosome from his father. The father’s genes (not the mother’s) determine the sex of a
Responsibility for contraception and abortion
The (contraceptive) pill, taken on a daily basis by a woman, contains hormones that stop her ovaries producing eggs. A condom, worn by the man over his penis during intercourse, prevents semen entering the vagina. A woman can wear a rubber diaphragm over her cervix (neck of the uterus). A woman can also have a
Intercourse involves reproductive risk for women
Men tend to focus on sexual pleasure so we often equate sexuality to responsiveness. Orgasm is certainly one erotic pleasure that motivates a person to initiate sexual activity. But sexuality is, in fact, foremost about reproduction. Pleasure is merely a by-product. Given the key role of intercourse in male sexuality, it is tempting to assume
Intercourse needs to continue until ejaculation
A man is biologically motivated to impregnate a woman through an on-going process of demonstrating his virility (as a potent male who may be in demand from other women). Ejaculating into a lover’s body is the natural conclusion to the male arousal cycle. A man needs intercourse to dissipate accumulated sexual frustration and to feel
Intercourse is the heterosexual lovemaking act
When a man and a woman are attracted to each other, intercourse feels very natural. This is no coincidence. The male and female body fit together to allow a sexual coupling. The mating position used by other mammals is rear entry (doggy position). Women tend to feel humiliated by this subjugated position. Most societies use
Why women feel inadequate about their bodies
Given women’s dislike of genitals, many of the terms for the female genitals come from men and are considered obscene by women. Rather than refer to explicit anatomy, most women prefer to gesture and make vague references to ‘down there’. We can use ‘pussy’ for girls as the equivalent slang to ‘willie’ for boys. A
Why men feel inadequate over penis size
Men’s sexual role (after impregnating women) is to protect the family. In an aggressive situation a man must be physically large and muscular to intimidate an opponent. In a political situation he must be assertive and competent enough to impress an adversary. A man has more natural authority than a woman has. On the other
How the male and female sexual roles differ
Primitive life, such as bacteria, reproduce asexually. But most animals and plants reproduce sexually. Offspring inherit genes from both parents. Even in plants, the process for enabling the male gamete to join with the female gamete is engineered by the male reproductive part of the plant. There is competition between male gametes because only one
Diversity: our sex, our personality and our gender
Sexuality includes our sex, our personality and our gender . The reason we have two sexes is for diversity. Some people like being different. They like the attention they get and they may take steps to differentiate themselves from others by dressing or behaving differently. Others have no choice in being different from others and
How a woman can interest a man in having sex
Sex occurs much more easily in the early stages of a relationship because being affectionate with each other provides the most natural lead-in to sex. First a woman offers some affectionate interaction by touching or kissing her lover. Her lover communicates his sexual need by kissing back with passion, by touching the woman with an
Sexual responsiveness is a male characteristic
Male orgasm is not directly linked to reproduction, but ejaculation is required. The function of male orgasm is to trigger the ejaculation of sperm. Some small boys may orgasm (as a one-off) without ejaculating but after adolescence, orgasm always triggers ejaculation. Apart from orgasm, there is no other physiological event that could account for ejaculation
Responsiveness varies between individuals
We have no conscious control over our responsiveness . Our ability to enjoy eroticism is an instinctive and subconscious response. Our responsiveness is a factor of our sex and the way our mind works. All men are responsive to some degree. Research indicates that there is a huge range in responsiveness (orgasm frequency) for both
Sexual responsiveness and orientation
Sexuality is about responsiveness and orientation , both of which are determined before we are born. Among the genes we inherit from our parents are those that determine responsiveness and orientation. Any child can potentially be born homosexual. Likewise, we are all born with varying degrees of responsiveness. Responsiveness is a measure of the frequency
Shere Hite’s research findings (1976)
Shere Hite’s work was a thesis produced for her doctorate in sexuality. Her research had much lower funding than Kinsey’s and so was more limited in scope. Hite circulated a lengthy questionnaire in the US through women’s magazines and to passers-by on the street in the early 1970s. Shere Hite’s sample was not selected in
Over time women often become focused on family
Female mammals are involved in grooming, feeding and affectionate play with their young. Female mammals are always smaller and more nervous than males. This anxiety keeps women at home and close to their children. Women gravitate towards men who can provide protection and lifestyle through earnings or status. Many women consider the tasks of raising
Young women tend to focus on their attractiveness
A girl first becomes aware of herself as a sexual being when men start commenting on her breasts . The breasts develop from around 12.4 years. Beast development signals a woman’s reproductive maturity. A girl should wear a supportive bra to avoid getting stretch marks. It is perfectly normal for a woman’s breasts to be
At puberty girls develop a child-bearing capacity
From a young age, most girls demonstrate a more passive and timid personality than most boys. Girls often focus on social activities rather than physically active play. This gender difference is apparent before puberty . Women need to deal with men who can be ruthlessly aggressive. Women have evolved a survival strategy of being more
Men tend to focus on opportunities for intercourse
Sex may not be the only reason men seek relationships with women, but it is the key reason. Men’s sex drive focuses them on obtaining opportunities for intercourse. Given married men’s complaints about low intercourse frequencies over the longer-term, sex is clearly much less important to women. The romantic and emotional factors that naturally motivate
Young men tend to focus on enjoying their arousal
Men are valued for their physical strength, their practical skills and their personal confidence (leaderships skills). Young men increase their muscle mass at puberty by 50% more than young women do. The male territorial drive (to establish and defend territory or status) consumes more of a man’s time and energy than his sex drive ever
At puberty boys develop a reliable arousal cycle
From a young age, many boys already demonstrate a more active and outgoing personality than most girls. Boys enjoy physical activities such as sport where conversation is minimal. This gender difference is apparent before the onset of adolescence and is not attributable solely to hormones. The changes at puberty are not limited to physical changes.
Sexual techniques that may pleasure a man
Men hope that a lover will enjoy contributing enthusiastically to their intimate time together: sharing fantasies, sex play and affection. Arousing a man is easy, if a woman knows how men respond. A woman can flirt by playing along with male fantasies. These details of sexual activity (that arouse men) have no erotic significance for
How to make the most of sexual pleasuring
Sexuality is about enjoying sexual pleasure with a lover. We experience sensual, emotional and erotic pleasure. A sex education should include a description of sexual techniques that may be used to pleasure men and women. These should differentiate between those techniques which assist with orgasm and those which provide sensual pleasure. We orgasm with a
We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm
Even when a sex organ is capable of penetration (as the penis is), it cannot cause a lover’s orgasm . For a person to orgasm, they must be motivated to obtain the correct stimulation of their own phallus. Men are aroused biologically and automatically; women are not. The physical stimulation involved in achieving orgasm is
A man wants a partner to make love to his penis
When aroused, men experience rigidity of the sex organ (the penis). But this increased blood flow, although concentrated in the genitals can also affect the sensitivity of other parts of the body (called tumescence). So when sexually aroused, a man may enjoy being stroked and sucked on almost any part of his body, for example:
Women mistake emotional sensations for orgasm
Female orgasm is not an issue in sexual relationships because the vast majority of women accept sex for what it is. Such women describe orgasm in terms of emotional factors. For some women this means they accept that orgasm does not occur with a lover. For others, they may assume that orgasm occurs but they
Only some men are motivated to offer foreplay
There must inevitably be some men who are content with the frequency and quality of sex that their female partners provide. This may be because they are less responsive than the average male so they can better accommodate women’s lesser sexual interest. But it is also equally certain that many men are quite oblivious to
A man needs to make sex exciting for a woman
When women see men, they think of sex. You could equally well say that men think the same thing when they see women. But the reasons are very different. When men see women, they become aroused and so they think of having sex. But women are not aroused by men. A woman knows various men
Sexual techniques that may pleasure a woman
Men engage in sexual activity to release accumulated arousal through thrusting and orgasm. By contrast, even responsive women only generate the kind of arousal that leads to orgasm by consciously focusing on explicit erotic fantasies during masturbation alone. Women (regardless of orientation) are not consciously aroused (in their mind) with a lover and so cannot
How a couple can bring variety to intercourse
Few women provide explicit erotic turn-ons. But most, at least initially, are affectionate. Demonstrating affection involves close physical intimacy and causes male arousal. When a man is overwhelmed by sensations of arousal , he assumes that a woman feels exactly the same responses. He can interpret her affection as a turn-on because, to him, it
The kind of stimulation that leads to orgasm
Regardless of orientation, men orgasm through intercourse, masturbation and fellatio. A man’s arousal (in the form of an erection) also gives him a clear indication of the anatomy he wants to stimulate. By contrast women, including lesbians, enjoy more sensual whole-body and emotional pleasures with a lover because of their lack of arousal. This contributes
Women’s fantasies are sexually explicit scenarios
A responsive woman’s use of fantasies means her experiences do not fit with any of the descriptions of sexual activity that we see portrayed in society. Sexual activity is usually sociable but it is also portrayed in graphic terms. When something happens in your head, it can be purely conceptual. This is probably why women
The erotic pleasure a man enjoys from sex
Men typically initiate sex and they masturbate much more frequently than women do. If male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men could settle for masturbation instead of sex. Men have a reproductive or biological drive that means they need intercourse for the best sexual release. For a man, the action of
Contact Jane Thomas, the sex researcher and educator
Please connect with me on Twitter, ResearchGate, LinkedIn, Facebook, Mastodon and Instagram! Take a look at my books and watch my videos . You can also contact me directly by email! I am Jane Thomas , the sex educator and researcher. I promote enjoyment of eroticism, sexual pleasuring and caring behaviours. I am passionate about
Jane Thomas’ unique approach to sexuality research
Jane talks about ‘Sexual Pleasure’ with accompanying slides to download! We assume that anyone who has had sex knows everything there is to know. The problem with ignorance is that we cannot know what we do not know. In truth, very few people have the necessary intellect, life experience and emotional detachment to understand sexuality.
How we know that someone has had an orgasm
Orgasm is a subconscious response but we need to take conscious actions to achieve it. A responsive person knows when they have had an orgasm because they took specific and focused steps to get there. Arousal (and hence orgasm) relies on what happens in the mind. Some women assume they have an orgasm just by
Misunderstandings over how orgasm is achieved
The issue of female orgasm with a lover is at the core of sexual politics. Men want to feel valued as lovers. Women want to keep men happy in bed so they get other things in exchange such as love, support and companionship. The confusion over female orgasm is down to two main factors. Firstly
How anyone achieves orgasm when they are alone
Sexuality is about enjoying the responsiveness of our own body through masturbation. Our mind’s ability to respond to erotic scenarios (both real and imagined) causes us to investigate our body’s responses. Orgasm is a response of the brain. Our minds respond to erotic stimuli regardless of our relationship status and the availability of a partner.
Women have varying degrees of sexual willingness
Human beings are sociable animals. Most of us want to be accepted in our social group. We want to share experiences. We hope to enjoy the company of others. We are reassured by the support of family, friends and a lover. It is also a survival strategy because humans tend to attack those who are