Women do not need to be like men to be valid

Women do not need to be like men to be valid

Sex educators think women need to be educated about masturbation and the clitoris. Yet no man ever needs to be told about masturbation and the penis. No one considers that this behaviour (of not masturbating) might be quite normal for women. We do not orgasm because we are given information. A responsive woman does not need to be told about the clitoris. She discovers it naturally by herself as a result of mental arousal. If a woman is unaware of her clitoris, it is because she has never experienced erotic arousal and consequently has never discovered how to masturbate to orgasm. This is evidently the case for the vast majority of women worldwide.

Sex educators tell girls that they will orgasm just by stimulating their genitals. They obviously don’t appreciate that orgasm results from enjoying erotic turn-ons. Arousal depends on a person’s mind being able to respond to erotic stimuli. Mental arousal causes tumescence of the phallus (penis or clitoris), which motivates us to supply the correct stimulation instinctively. The clitoris was not discovered by heterosexuals. It was identified by scientists who observed that women masturbate by stimulating the internal clitoral organ (by rubbing over the glans and either side of the labia). Despite all the publicity, heterosexuals continue to show little interest in the clitoris.

By providing incorrect information about the clitoris, women spread sexual ignorance about women’s ability to orgasm, especially with a lover. It is misguided to think that promoting the clitoris will make any difference to any woman who does not already appreciate its role. The only impact will be that some men who hope to pleasure a female lover may explore oral or manual stimulation of the clitoral glans (if a woman allows him to). It is also wrong to imply that stimulation of the clitoral glans (which is what they are referring to when they talk of the clitoris) provides amazing erotic pleasure.

Men pressure women to maximise their sexual opportunities, which is understandable given their sex drive. Female sex educators patronise other women out of ignorance and the desire to make money, which is much less forgivable. There is no ‘should’ about sexual pleasure. When it is suggested that young women should be encouraged to enjoy sexual pleasure, the idea is strongly opposed by many mothers. Mothers know from experience that women do not obtain the same pleasure from sex that men do. Mothers don’t want their daughters to get pregnant while providing male gratification.

The evidence for female responsiveness comes, not from one woman’s orgasm claims, but from the behaviour of women in the general population. A few women boast about orgasm because they like the attention. They enjoy feeling superior by intimidating other women. Advice is given on the basis of theory rather than personal experience. Personal confidence comes from knowing the facts; not from putting on a show of false bravado. They can’t explain anything in the real world with confidence. Telling women that they should be able to do something, that they are clearly incapable of, undermines women’s self-confidence. Sex educators reflect the male view of sex, by implying that women should respond as men do. They promote pornography and swinging, for example, as if women experience arousal as men do. This makes it even more difficult, than it would be if such misinformation did not exist, for men to understand why a woman would ever object to sex. A man assumes that his partner is unusual. Women who promote sexual fantasies make us all feel isolated in our sexual experiences.

Unresponsive women defend their right to define orgasm any way they want. They believe this empowers them in some way. They give no thought to the women who are made to feel inadequate by these orgasm claims. When a woman admits a lack of orgasm, she is told to find another man. It’s as if we are telling girls they should approach life as an endless quest for a man who can ‘make them orgasm’. There is little concern voiced over the risks of pregnancy, sexual disease and the emotional upset that go with promiscuity. There is a view that adults only ever engage in sexual activity that ends with their own orgasm. The idea that women enjoy giving pleasure (typically when there is an emotional connection) doesn’t appeal. It’s not macho enough.

Feminist educators tell young women that they should be less intent on pleasing men. Just exactly what does everyone think women have been doing since the dawn of time? Girls are advised to be sexually daring and self-confident. This sends contradictory messages to girls. Are they supposed to be promiscuous or should they aspire to a mutually caring relationship? Pornography and erotic fiction give young women the impression that they are supposed to enjoy activities like oral sex. Some girls feel pressured into offering fellatio and are coerced into anal sex. Men enjoy these genital techniques and they hope (in their fantasies) that women will provide them.

Women think they will be respected for claiming to be the same as men. We are respected for being honest and having the courage to stand up to others. Women need to educate men. Women have different emotional responses and life goals. Women are good enough as they are. We will never be able to protect girls, if we are not honest about what they can expect from sex. Women on the internet are not looking for erotic turn-ons (such as images of male nudity) or opportunities to enjoy orgasm. Girls need to appreciate this. Any woman who wants intercourse, can find it easily enough. Women only advertise because they are trying to make money out of men.

And yet, too many folks choke on the fact of innate gender differences in libido. Feminists equate a lower sex drive with inferiority. Feminism equates a vigorous libido with a healthy, even dominant ego. (Joan Sewell)

Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)