Mike: Interesting. My partner seems to have fallen into a routine. First some touching and kissing, then a thorough fingering to orgasm, her moving on top of me to ride me, then either missionary or her leaning over the bed with me behind. Mike (cont): She wants her orgasms and she can have many, but she wants me to orgasm and I am finding it harder to ejaculate. She loves to watch me ejaculate and many times I can’t but I remain erect. I can fuck all day, but ejaculation has become difficult. Jane: Your partner is just trying to please you and to conform to what is ideally expected of women (by men) in a sexual relationship. If you can’t explain how she gets turned on then these are not real orgasms. But if you are having fun that is all that matters. Jane (cont): I am asking about the erotic turnons that might cause a woman to become mentally aroused so that blood flows to the erectile organ (the clitoris) to make orgasm possible. Jane (cont): Why do you need to boast about the orgasms you think you give your partner? Does she boast about the orgasms she gives you? If women had orgasms with a lover, the anatomy and turnons they need would be common knowledge, Mike: Why do you subtly attack me by saying, ‘the orgasms you ‘think’ you give your partner?’ You are trying to undermine my experience. Do you have some subconscious animosity for men that you must instantly discredit what they tell you? JANE: I am suspicious of orgasms that men claim on behalf of women. Women, themselves, rarely talk of orgasm. They talk of love. I am a woman and so I know exactly what is involved in pleasuring a man while saying nothing to spoil his fantasies. Mike: What works well with this partner is ‘dirty talk.’ Softly whispering in her ear those things she might want to fantasize about. Kissing the neck and the area below the ear. Mike (cont): On a larger scale, the romantic parts of the evening, good conversation, eye contact, touching hands across the table at dinner. Mike (cont): Foreplay is much more that the obvious presex fondling, it is the entire experience of allowing her to believe she is an incredible sexual partner, not just another hookup. Anyone can fuck, few can make love. Jane: I agree that women look for emotional stimuli rather than erotic. But it is not possible to use romantic behaviours to achieve erotic arousal. Men are using female orgasm as a token of female approval rather than equating it with their own experience. Jane (cont): I am questioning beliefs that effectively mirror erotic fiction. There is no logic to the orgasms men think women have with a lover. They involve different anatomy. The socalled turnons that you are listing are emotional rather than erotic. Jane (cont): Touching hands is not erotic. It is a romantic gesture that may cause a woman to be amenable to offering the intercourse a man wants. I provide the research findings for those who can accept them. Dedicated to womens enjoyment of sexual pleasure