Jenny: Im 56 years old and have been married 28 years. My husband is the only sexual partner Ive had. I thought that I could orgasm, but have concluded that I never have, not properly. Jenny (cont): And yes, I have pretended to be in ecstasy like Ive seen in films while believing the womens reactions were all grossly exaggerated. Any reassurance would be much appreciated! JANE: There is a misconception that orgasm occurs through physical stimulation alone. This is because men are easily stimulated to orgasm but only because they are already aroused in their minds. A womans mental arousal has to be consciously engineered. JANE (cont): I use erotic fantasies when masturbating alone but these do not work with a lover. Sex is about male orgasm! Female orgasm is an evolutionary anomaly with no reproductive advantage as it does not occur with a lover. But there is so much hype about it, which is confusing! Jenny: Ive tried reading erotic literature and fantasising about taboo subjects. Ive tried all kinds of vibrators and some gel that makes the clitoris more sensitive. Although I feel a buildup, it all goes away before anything happens. I wonder if I am lacking hormones and truly am dysfunctional. JANE: I dont think there is anything wrong with you. The media portrayal of womens sexuality is overhyped and bears no resemblance to reality. Orgasm only lasts for seconds. Women need to make the most of the more sensual & emotional pleasures of sexual activity with a lover. Of course, variety helps! Jenny: Thank you very much Jane, Ive just been reading your websites, which are all most enlightening. I must say that the more I read, the better I feel about my less than exciting sex life! Jenny (cont): It seems that not every woman has amazing orgasms, if at all, which makes me feel better. We have such unrealistic expectations of sex. Thank you so much! JANE: I provide information to help women understand their sexuality. Communication with your partner is vital, if you want to improve your relationship. It takes two. Im not a therapist. But one approach involves each partner making a list of their priorities. JANE (cont): Then using that list to discuss changes that could be made. A woman certainly does not need a man with an erection in order to enjoy orgasm or the sensual and emotional aspects of sex. Remember to have some fun! An interesting & fun way to learn about sexuality for all