Lawal: The biggest pleasure in sexual relationships is giving orgasm to women. And if that doesn’t happen some men feel disappointed because what they wanted to do was give pleasure and get pleasure from giving it. And that is compassion. Alan Watts JANE: No one can give another person an orgasm. A man can orgasm from thrusting into a vagina (for example) but his orgasm is a result of what is happening in his head. Sexual response is basically a psychological phenomenon. Stimulation is only effective once we are mentally aroused. Lawal: So perhaps being present with a lover, learning what works for them, and treating them with respect might evoke those psychological feelings that facilitate their orgasm? JANE: I don’t think so. Orgasm is a response to erotic stimuli of a psychological nature. In men, it can also be biological especially when young. But my experience as a woman is that it involves a conscious focus on erotic fantasies that makes it impossible to achieve with a lover. Lawal: I see what you mean. If we agree that roleplaying is a way of consciously acting out one’s erotic fantasies then wouldn’t one be able to achieve orgasm with a partner? JANE: I don’t agree that role playing involves acting out one’s own fantasies. Prostitutes & women who enjoy pleasuring men behave in ways that are arousing for men. That does not make them arousing for the person providing the sexual servicing. No one can explain what arouses women. Lawal:I agree this is a difficult topic, Jane. JANE: It is clear that most women are unfamiliar with what is involved in sexual response. They have never masturbated to orgasm. Women assume that vague sensations with a lover equate to what men call arousal & orgasm. But no one can explain these orgasms women are believed to have. Celebrating our ability to enjoy eroticism