Peter: I like your candour, Jane. Nothing that’s about human nature is ugly or dirty if it does not dehumanise or pervert. Sexuality is neither taboo nor forbidden territory. We have to bring it out to the open and address it maturely, honestly, intelligently and nonjudgementally. Sexuality affects everyone, let’s not be ashamed of it. JANE: Strangely, I seem to be unique in being able to discuss the topic in a logical & factual way. Most people prefer euphemisms, jokes or silence. Peter: Understanding sexuality is a vital part of life. We assume adults have a healthy understanding of sex but I don’t think so. It’s not possible for a therapist or counsellor to prescribe what’s the right level as people are different. Perhaps genetics has a lot to do with it. JANE: I present the research findings but also discuss how they have been misinterpreted. I provide a discussion for those who are interested. Most people don’t appreciate how ignorant they are. We all assume that erotic fiction reflects someone’s reality. But we never doubt this even when our own sex lives should cause us to question. Peter: I think couples who are in love will have better sex as the union involves our entire being and not just physicality. I have been married for 57 years. She is also Chinese. We live in Melbourne. JANE: Love & erotic arousal are quite separate. Women experience platonic love. Men sexual love. Relationships rely on both of these. I provide information on sexual response. I am not a dating expert. I am a researcher into sexuality. Peter: Thanks for sharing this. Is womens love more intense than men’s as the latter burns out quickly while the former has a longer duration? Im a bit headon. Don’t mind my openness. JANE: Men’s love is conditional. They don’t stay with a woman for long who does not offer regular intercourse. Women’s love is unconditional. But some men are certainly capable of amazing devotion to a woman. How much of this devotion is due to the regular sex they get, I cannot comment. Peter: I agree with your view. My being male makes me think so. The physiology of men makes them what they are. They are too easily aroused and have greater inclination than women towards promiscuity. Chinese culture is very puritanical. JANE: Men & women’s sexualities are very different. Men need a lover to enjoy the best release. They are dependent on an amenable lover. Men enjoy a release that is much more intense than women ever do. JANE (cont): Sex is primarily a male pleasure. Responsive women enjoy the best release through masturbation alone. But most women are not responsive. Some women talk of emotional responses with a lover. We need to enjoy the pleasures that we can. Peter: Many thanks for this. (1) Men need women for release. I have held this view all along. (2) Female amenability: women might be stressed/tired/ too used to routine. When both parties want intimacy, there is greater frequency. (3) women who prefer this alonething (masturbation). This is something I don’t know. (4) I agree with your view : sex need not be the centrepiece of life. Love of children, pursuit of one’s passion and duty are just as important JANE: Men seem to view sex as a biological pleasure that is just a necessary function of their bodies. They don’t seem to appreciate just how much conscious effort a woman needs to make to respond to mens sexual needs. There is no arousal with a lover. Even alone, arousal has to be consciously generated. It doesn’t arise naturally. This explains why few women masturbate. Peter: I am learning from your wisdom. Sexuality seems to be still a grey area. JANE: Masturbation is the only way that I achieve sexual release. There is no sex drive & no acute arousal. Orgasm is merely a very enjoyable sensation once in a while. It’s very sporadic. The urge is very slight. It equates to a nice pleasure. Intercourse, sadly, does nothing for me. No erotic arousal & little physical sensation. Women use words such as arousal without any concept of what it means to men. Peter: many thanks for your candour and forthrightness. Everyone is different and chooses to live life their own way. We are our own authority, sanctuary and refuge and none can take this away from us. I do know the Western mind is very liberal compared with our rigid Chinese. I am open to the wisdom of the West and am immensely influenced by The Renaissance and The Enlightenment. Many thanks, Jane. It has been nice talking to you. An interesting & fun way to learn about sexuality for all