JANE: I feel demoralised when men continue to talk of female arousal and orgasm when my work makes it clear that most of these beliefs are based on fiction. I suppose men cannot face the brutal truth? Or that they want to hold on to fantasies that assist with their arousal? I am not trying to be negative but I am asking people for evidence. There doesn’t appear to be any. Steven: I dont for one minute think you are wasting your time. I do think it will always be an uphill battle. Men will always be reluctant to acknowledge that they do not contribute significantly to a womans sexual pleasure. Men certainly believe women want penetration. Steven (cont): We are so ingrained with the propaganda of women being multi orgasmic porn stars. As males we measure ourselves against unrealistic stereotypes in porn. Something all too many of us know has nothing to do with what actually happens in a sexual relationship. Steven (cont): We are surrounded by images, movies and endless articles on how we as men need to make sure our partners get all the pleasure and orgasms possible. That our partners want and need sex and that no relationship is complete without a fulfilling sex life. Steven (cont): As a man we rely on what is said because what we see cannot be relied on. Its hard to accept when you have sex with a woman, when she tells you that youre doing the right thing, stimulating her body the way she wants, and she tells you she has orgasmed. Steven (cont): My wife has always insisted she doesnt have sexual fantasies and as a man I find that difficult to understand. My sexuality even when we were having sex relied upon my mind and my fantasy just as much as it did on the physical arousal and response. Steven (cont): Men assume every time they have sex it will be penetration and orgasm and that their partner will be equally enthusiastic. Its difficult to comprehend that womens sexual pleasure is so different and that the emotional is more important to a woman than the physical. Steven (cont): I think that would probably only change if these differences were discussed and explained in detail during sex education. Unfortunately, there would have to be a huge shift in attitudes and a much more open acceptance of discussions about sex. Celebrating our ability to enjoy eroticism