JANE: Hi Steven, What did you think of Bettina Arndts book The sex diaries? Steven: My thoughts on the sex diaries book. It shows just how many couples dont have regular or continually active sex lives. It also shows how women have the advantage in sharing their problems in this area. They can and do share their problems with their girlfriends. Steven (cont): Whereas, as a man not having sex and sharing such news with my friends, would likely see me ridiculed. I would be seen as a secondclass citizen or beta inferior male within my own gender. Not a pleasant prospect by any standard for a man. Steven (cont): It also demonstrates how truly intense and active sexual relationships require commitment, sacrifice and work from both parties, and how there is the need at times for both to gift sex to the other. Performing at times when they are not necessarily in the mood. Steven (cont): Reading this book, Im aware Im not alone in being in a dead bedroom or sexless marriage. It shows too the continuing problems of overworked women balancing jobs, housework and childcare with trying to keep a husband happy. While the husband does little or nothing to help. Though in my case I do more than my fair share and its never made any difference. Steven (cont): It also points to those marriages that survive with the help of affairs and how they can make life tolerable for those in a sexless relationship. However, thats with the proviso of not getting caught or it being openly known about. Steven (cont): What it also shows is how passionate and intense so many people are. It also makes me realise how even at our most active when we were younger, we still paled in comparison. Steven (cont): It has helped me to understand that without true passion between two people, its hardly surprising we are as we are. Whilst it might not offer any solutions for me. Frankly its gone too far for that. Steven (cont): For others whose relationships are less than perfect and starting to struggle sexually, it does show that it is vital to communicate and commit to working on the problem if things are to change. For those couples in that situation this book offers reassurance that the problems are commonplace and for some solvable. Celebrating our ability to enjoy eroticism