Jack: I have a question. So I havent had any sex in probably 2 years or more. I cant remember but its like my spouse is shy and scared. We flirt, we touch but to me its not enough and I also know that it hurts when we do have sex so I dont know what to do. JANE: Why don’t you have sex? Jack: Maybe because the pain while going inside of her. When you have a baby your body changes. JANE: Your wife should see a doctor if she is truly in pain. But more likely, it is just an excuse. Women do not enjoy the same pleasure as men do from sex. They see intercourse as a reproductive act that has little meaning unless they want a child. JANE (cont): She has a child so she has no reason to have sex. This happens with many women. You need to be patient. You need to explain your needs to her. But ultimately you need to support her & give her the emotional connection that she enjoys. If she is pleased with you, she may want to please you. Jack: Its like shes a virgin again and we have to start over. And yes I have supported her and yes I have needs. I dont wanna be the type of husband to cheat because of lack of sex. Its not right but I understand. JANE: Sex is primarily a male pleasure. Women want affection rather than sex. But a mother is emotionally absorbed with the new baby & also probably exhausted from the work involved. Give her time JANE (cont): but slowly talk about it in a low pressure way. You cannot force someone to have sex with you. She will cooperate when she feels grateful to you for the things that you do for her. That is your best hope. Some women are more generous than others. Jack: Sorry hes 2 years old. I will stop talking about it maybe thats what best. JANE: If it helps, you are not alone. Every man has to find his own solution. You have to decide between loyalty to your spouse or looking elsewhere. Masturbation helps some men. This is the challenge for men. The challenge for women is providing years of pleasure for a partner with no payback for yourself. Everyone searches for an answer but it is an eternal dilemma. JANE (cont): Nature did not see fit to allow women the same pleasure from intercourse. This is because a woman needs to choose a mate carefully. She only needs sex until she is pregnant. Thereafter she has no use for it. These are the facts of life. Some women enjoy pleasuring a man much more than others. This is a question of personality as much as culture & education. Jack: Wow thats understandable! Thanks! JANE: There are sometimes postnatal problems because a woman’s anatomy is damaged during childbirth. If you really think she is in pain, she must see a doctor. Everyone is embarrassed about such things but its worth it. Doctors have seen it all before and can help. JANE (cont): The other tactic is that women will provide sex in return for financial support. So you can make money less available & see if that encourages her to be more amenable. Best to be subtle. It shouldn’t feel like blackmail. Just make her appreciate what you are providing for the family. An interesting & fun way to learn about sexuality for all