Paul: I support what you do. I agree with your view more often than not. I find that the topic (in particular female orgasm) is a conversation that is extremely erotic and arousing. There are also times when I enjoy intellectual stimulation of the topic … Paul (cont): where it makes me think either in terms of physiological response or cultural practices (or subcultural i.e. fetishes) and why they excite some and not others. If the topic(s) is discussed in such a way where it strokes my intellectual curiosity while eliciting a personal arousal … even better. JANE: You don’t need to worry. I am not in the least offended if a man is aroused at any time. I think we should all enjoy all the arousal we can. Unfortunately my experience is that it is much more difficult for a woman to experience the same thing as often as men do. One issue is the ability to view someone as an object. JANE (cont): My theory is that men view those women they find attractive as a kind of sex object. This is nothing new but I differentiate between the sexes. I also talk about arousal. My suggestion is that we are aroused by objects (abstract triggers e.g. fantasies, fetishes) rather than people. I view men as people, social beings rather than sex objects. JANE (cont): This is not a conscious decision. I use abstract men in my fantasies. I cannot use men I know. If I try to what happens is that they are social beings and I can’t get aroused. I believe that women are not intended to be aroused by a real lover because womens sexual role is to focus on male arousal, which leads to reproduction. Paul: Again … I agree with your generalization about men and women. But again, I see myself as an exception (one of the few). I only find myself viewing a woman as an object when that is either part of the role play or something expressly desired by the woman for me to do. Some women have wanted me to use them as objects. Paul (cont): Sometimes I found it almost a turnoff because I could see there were selfesteem issues (they saw themselves as not deserving love, not deserving happiness etc.) I found that sad because in many cases I wanted to love them. I wanted sex with them but I also wanted that Rword (relationship). Paul (cont): But there were other times when women simply wanted sex. Either she had come out of something long term and wanted nothing serious, or maybe she saw me (dare I say, used me) as someone she felt a physical attraction to, but no other connection. And again, in those cases there were times I wanted more meaning, more commitment etc. Paul (cont): When I met the right woman, I was never one to shy away from relationships. Of course, there were times where I just was not meeting any potential Ms Rights … and so settled for Ms Right now. So … when I hear the clichs, the stereotypes, the generalizations about men, I can honestly say I never felt they fit me. Paul (cont): I want to thank you for communicating with me. This conversation proves to me (if not you) that I am being only intellectually stimulated. That is not to say in another conversation you couldn’t arouse me sexually. I am quite certain you could. Just saying that in this case, I am trying to get between your ears, not your legs. JANE: Thanks Paul. I don’t think you understand what I mean. Men are turned on by womens bodies regardless of any relationship. They respond sexually to the proximity of a semi naked attractive woman even if they know nothing about her. This is why some men (at least!) go to lap dancing bars. Women do not because we are not aroused in the same way by nudity. Paul: I do understand what you are saying. I just am not one to generalise … that men do this … women do that… etc. For the most part I guess one can get away with generalisations. Perhaps in some contexts, they might be necessary. But generally … I do not generalise. JANE: No problem Paul. I think that what you call generalisation I call being specific or explicit enough to highlight the differences in the ways in which men and women tend to behave sexually. As long as we say very vaguely everyone loves sex, sex is great, way hey! Then we imply that there is no difference between men and women. JANE (cont): We keep things vague and nonexplicit. This is what I am trying to change but I understand that it makes many people feel uncomfortable. No matter each to their own…! Enjoy what you can and thanks for your support. My writing is for everyone regardless of the level at which they are able to take on board the messages. I can be a little direct…! Paul: Thanks Jane. My pleasure to support someone who helps bring pleasure to others. I will continue to look forward to reading you. Fascinating stuff. Be well, happy and prosperous!!!! Celebrating our ability to enjoy eroticism