HomeSexual responseMisconceptionsWomen orgasm from vaginal stimulation (intercourse)

Women orgasm from vaginal stimulation (intercourse)

Kinsey explained that the vagina evolved from primitive egg ducts, which lack any sensitivity (in common with other internal organs of the body). The vagina is the result of glands that develop in the female foetus but not in the male. Just as the male glands (including the prostate) develop in the male foetus but not in the female. Both sets of glands produce the reproductive anatomy of the sexes. There is no logic to suggesting that men and women have evolved different anatomy capable of producing an orgasm.

Intercourse is an act that a man initiates when he has an erection. A woman simply accepts or rejects his offer to make love to her. A man assumes that a woman enjoys the same activity that he does, in other words, intercourse until he is obliged to ejaculate. A woman accepts a man after he has proven himself to be a worthy mate, by being affectionate, companionable, caring and supportive. She is reassured by his sexual admiration, which she hopes will keep him committed to supporting her and their children over decades.

I have described my experiences in as much scientific detail as possible. They do not conform to any popularised account of women’s sexuality. More importantly, my experience does not reflect male fantasies. Intercourse is core to male sexuality so it is assumed to be the same for women. But I cannot find anyone, even a so-called professional, who can explain my experiences in a way that is logical and factual. Typically I am met with silence or I am told that there is something undefined wrong with me that cannot be explained scientifically. I also question the angry and defensive response that I get. Why are people, who are so apparently so sure of their opinions, so incapable of explaining or supporting their beliefs?

Everyone is so accustomed to the fiction that no one recognises a woman’s real experiences when they hear them. [i] If a woman ever comments on the tedium of intercourse, she receives little sympathy. Even women themselves have little sympathy because they assume that it is a woman’s duty to provide regular intercourse within a committed relationship. Marriage is based on a man’s willingness to support children in return for regular intercourse, so women cannot easily question this implicit trade. My motivation for discussing my experiences is to highlight women’s true responses. Other women never do this because it is so unpopular. Men like to discuss their own enjoyment of eroticism and sexual pleasure with a lover. They are also confident to assert that women achieve orgasm with a lover. But they cannot explain any of the specifics of female arousal and orgasm. Essentially, men believe everything that they see in pornography.

[i] This is my first sexual relationship. I am eighteen – almost nineteen. I must say that I had expected much more. … When I am having sex, I don’t really feel anything. This I don’t understand. I really thought that I would be able to feel his penis in me but I usually don’t. (Shere Hite)

Excerpt from ‘Understanding Sexual Response’ (to be published 2023)