HomeSexuality & techniquesFemale sexualityOnly some women think they orgasm through intercourse

Only some women think they orgasm through intercourse

When we talk about consensual sex who exactly is consenting and what are they consenting to? Women may consent to intercourse [i] but consent is a long way off sexual pleasure and no proof that a woman has an orgasm.

Heterosexual lovemaking, for the most part, relies on a man stimulating a woman. Genital stimulation (both manual and oral) tends to rely on the man offering to stimulate the woman and asking the woman to stimulate him. Women don’t tend to ask nor will they always allow a lover to stimulate their genitalia, which is no evidence of pleasure let alone orgasm.

Porn portrays women apparently having orgasms with a lover through intercourse, oral sex and masturbation. But Shere Hite found that a majority of women said these techniques were not reliable ways to reach orgasm. Over two thirds (70%) said intercourse was NOT a regular source of orgasms. Over half said they could not reliably orgasm though oral sex (58%) or by masturbating with (or by being masturbated by) a lover (56%).

Sex experts recommend orgasm techniques to women as if they are infallible. No one remarks on the different anatomy but also the very different stimulation provided by each of these approaches. So male masturbation involves massaging the sheath of skin covering the shaft of the penis up and down over the glans. Likewise intercourse and fellatio provide similar stimulation with the addition of a wet and warm environment. In contrast a woman’s masturbation techniques involve massaging the internal clitoral organ with pressure from her fingers and pelvic muscles. A vibrator throbs and buzzes. During intercourse a penis thrusts into her vagina (an organ with zero sensitivity) as the man’s groin squashes the labia and clitoral bud. Cunnilingus gently stimulates the glans of the clitoral organ in a warm and wet environment. Yet the clitoris is not intended to penetrate a vagina.

I have had thousands of orgasms through masturbation alone and a few tens of lesser climaxes with a lover (never through intercourse [i]). I do not see how anyone can orgasm as a receiver of intercourse. In the first place, no one can orgasm with zero sensation. But also there is nothing remotely erotic about a mating act from a female perspective (being impregnated).

Secondly it is unreasonable to attempt orgasm using stimulation you cannot control. You need to ensure that stimulation continues up until orgasm. It is also preferable that stimulation then ceases. Intercourse is determined by a man’s responses so it is unlikely that a woman could orgasm through intercourse even if the vagina was sensitive to stimulation (which it is not).

[i] I never fake orgasm. I am angry with other women who do, because then men can tell me that I am incapable sexually, because I do not have vaginal climaxes, and other women they have slept with do. Since I have never had a vaginal climax, I question their existence. (Shere Hite)

Excerpt from Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (ISBN 978-0956-894724)