Most women prefer implicit explanations for their orgasms

Most women prefer implicit explanations for their orgasms

A few women claim fantastic orgasmic feats, such as multiple orgasms. But orgasm ends sexual activity so these are, at best, just peaks of arousal. Many of these cases have more in common with a nervous disorder or some kind of nervous fit than a sexual release. If someone experiences orgasm like the ticking of a clock (or hiccups) it not likely that another unafflicted person could duplicate that experience even if they wanted to. Our sense of sexual inadequacy comes from expectations set by unique individuals. Yet the very sensationalism of such stories highlights the rarity of women’s true orgasmic abilities. Genital hiccups may have characteristics in common with orgasm but they are not a response to eroticism.

Women have sex because they feel guilty about not offering in the past, they are trying to keep their partner happy or because they want to enjoy an intimate act with a lover. These are perfectly valid reasons for a woman to engage in intercourse with someone she loves [i] but they do not indicate any kind of biological drive to have sex or an orgasm. Waiting for a lover to initiate intercourse indicates a wish to be found sexually desirable, a need to feel appreciated and a desire to enjoy sensual and loving intimacy.

Experts imply that women are happy with a lack of orgasm. Most women are too embarrassed to question. Others don’t want to hurt their lover’s feelings. Many are hugely frustrated that they do not have the orgasms claimed by others. But there is nothing they can do about it. Regardless of their own desires, women reluctantly accept sex to satisfy men’s needs.

An instinctive sex drive cannot be switched on and off depending on a man’s circumstances (such as whether he is in a relationship). Men can compensate (for example by masturbating) but they can’t subjugate their drive to please a lover, which is why men can appear insensitive as lovers. Men cannot accept that without a sex drive, women have no reason to be remotely interested in sex. Rather than try to convince men of something they will never accept, many women take the much easier route of faking.

It is assumed that women in the past did not orgasm because of ignorance (of effective stimulation techniques) or attitudes (that inhibited their responses). But a true sex drive cannot be subdued merely by social pressure. If a man cannot achieve an erection, he feels truly wretched (so that life feels hardly worth living) because he cannot fulfil his male sexual role. Women may be unhappy about a lack of orgasm but they can live with it. They suffer frustration due to the unrealistic expectations set by others.

[i] In fact, even women who did orgasm during intercourse most frequently gave affection and closeness as their basic reason for liking intercourse, rarely mentioning orgasm. (Shere Hite)

Excerpt from Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (ISBN 978-0956-894717)