Few homosexual men orgasm solely from penetration. The penis is always involved. The anus and the entrance (vestibule) to the vagina have some sensitivity. But the internal organs (vagina and rectum) are much less sensitive. [i] So the kind of stimulation that might lead to female orgasm includes anal intercourse or using the fingers of one hand (fisting) to stimulate the entrance to the vagina. The sensations of penetration provide a mental turn-on as well as some pleasurable sensations but they do not in themselves cause orgasm. The clitoris always needs to be stimulated.
It might seem perverse to get turned on by anal sex but no one can orgasm from zero stimulation. A significant advantage of anal intercourse (with adequate lubrication) is the increased sensation for the receiving partner. Anal intercourse is also more of a psychological turn-on because it emphasises the woman’s vulnerability in offering penetrative sex. A man has to use much more care and consideration. It is not just a ‘banging’ session.
I am not promoting anal sex. I am simply pointing out that anal sex is the main activity that has ever provided me with any kind of climax with a lover. This fact is provided for anyone who is interested – take or leave it!
Anal intercourse can be pleasurable especially when varied, in rhythm and depth of penetration. But it is vital to know when to give up! It also helps to limit anal intercourse to those occasions when a more mature woman is physically aroused. Patience and time to invest in relaxation and lubrication will also help. Use your body weight to provide a sense of domination.
Although gay men evidently enjoy pleasure from receiving anal sex, heterosexual women are often not interested in the same form of sexual pleasuring. Anal sex is different for a man because of the pleasure from stimulating the prostate and because of his erection. A man should change his rhythm of thrusting by alternating between teasing the glans of his penis in her anus and longer thrusts providing pressure and deeper penetration.
As well as lubrication, also allow some lead-in time to allow for relaxation. Use your hands to spread her arse cheeks and use your fingers to supplement the sensations of penetration. Take her hand and have her feel your erection as you thrust into her. The knowledge that deep penetration has been achieved can be a turn-on in itself. The most comfortable position is from behind with the man on top. Otherwise man on top with woman facing. This position allows for deep kissing. A woman can use her tongue to simulate thrusting in her lover’s mouth synchronised with his own rhythm.
[i] The anus, like the entrance to the vagina, is richly supplied with nerves, but the rectum, like the depths of the vagina, is … poorly supplied with sensory nerves. However, the receiving partner … often reports that the deep penetration of the rectum may bring satisfaction (p581 Kinsey 1953)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)