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Heterosexual relationships involve mismatched sex drives

Men are naturally responsive. So no man should feel inadequate about ejaculating quickly. [i] Men accept the misconception that women might be able to orgasm through intercourse if stimulated long enough because they want to prolong their own enjoyment of intercourse. Any sense of inadequacy over male speeds to orgasm could be easily overcome if a man was willing to stimulate a woman (orally or manually) regardless of his own state of arousal. Nature ensures that men’s sex drive focuses them on intercourse, which is designed to facilitate male orgasm (and ejaculation).

Men stress about what they can do or say to impress a woman enough to get her into bed. So they are frustrated when a date does not result in sex. Most women need time to develop an emotional connection before intercourse feels appropriate. But an experienced woman knows that any relationship with a man involves an on-going commitment of continuing to offer regular sex. So although it’s only one time, it’s usually the first time out of many. A man more or less assumes that the arrangement is on-going.

A wise man said “I try to keep my wife happy because I know that if she is happy she will keep me happy!” But if sex is so vital to men why are they forever getting it wrong? Heterosexual relationships involve a woman subjugating herself to a man in sexual terms and a man subjugating himself to a woman in emotional terms. So men sometimes prefer work to home where they feel disadvantaged by women’s emotional dominance.

You would think men who love women would always protect them. Yet it is straight men (not gay men) with their predilection for aggressive behaviour who disrespect others for being physically weaker. Heterosexual men may love women and they may be willing to support them but they only do this for women who offer them the regular sexual interaction men need. Women may even accept being beaten as natural if they love aggressive men. For most of human existence a woman’s survival has relied on having a man to protect her (mostly from other men). In return she was obliged to offer intercourse even though women commonly died during childbirth.

The dilemma is that a man relies on a woman to provide the significant pleasure of intercourse. The dilemma for a woman is her relative indifference to intercourse, which she has to provide regularly over decades. Rape is not related to male sex drive. Rape Crisis (UK) finds that “around 85% of survivors/victims know their attacker prior to the rape or assault and that often this violence is perpetrated by a partner or ex-partner.” Men who rape do so in order to dominate, control and humiliate others.

[i] It would be difficult to find another situation in which an individual who was quick and intense in his responses was labeled anything but superior. (p580 Kinsey 1948)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)

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