There is a misconception that to be an authority on sexuality, we must attend an academic course. But who writes and directs these courses? Where does the material come from? The truth is that you cannot give someone the ability to understand sexuality. We are born with a level of responsiveness. Our experiences accumulate through our lives according to our responsiveness and our motivation to explore sexual activity with a lover. The vast majority of people just ‘have sex’. This is not really experience of anything except the basics.
People become ‘sex experts’ because they are comfortable talking about relationship issues. They rarely discuss explicit aspects of sexuality in any detail. So when we say that they are ‘experts’ we mean that they present topics associated with sex, such as sexual health and reproduction. I am certainly educated and intelligent enough to acquire the relevant academic qualifications. But I could not sit through a course that provides misinformation about women’s sexuality. I would never find a research sponsor because the topics I research challenge popular beliefs.
If current beliefs were largely correct with only a few erroneous data, I could join one of these universities or institutions and work with them to correct the misunderstandings. But the fact is that the errors and misconceptions are so colossal and all-encompassing that no one is going to listen from within. Every institution is run by men but also no one will permit research that has no commercial viability. Who is going to pay for a point of view that is so unpopular? I am prepared to be judged on the usefulness of my work to the general public and sex educators.
The advantage of being outside medical and research bodies is that I am independent. I cannot be silenced through political pressure. I have a unique position where I can ask unpopular questions and discuss the topic without the threat of censure. This is vital for the work that I need to do. Hence why I am a loner and likely to remain so. In the beginning I hoped that someone would join me or support me. I thought that sexually experienced women, perhaps lesbians or prostitutes would have something to say. Most people are simply not motivated by this topic. There’s no money in it and most people have to earn a living. I am motivated regardless of the money (it would be nice!) or the lack of support. I am ever hopeful that one day others may contribute.
A number of factors have come together to make me the right person to do this:
(1) I have the responsiveness required for orgasm so I know what an orgasm is (evidently this is rare for a woman);
(2) I am attractive enough to be credible in our society as a ‘sexual’ woman;
(3) I have had a communicative and adventurous sexual relationship with my partner;
(4) My partner has been willing to support me through talking about our sex life;
(5) I have had the benefit of the internet & social marketing to publicise my work;
(6) My partner has had the technology skills to support my websites for very little outlay;
(7) I have had the luxury of time and sufficient financial resources to work for nothing;
(8) I am a graduate: I know how to study a subject, I am analytical and organised;
(9) I have a maths degree so I understand the value & pitfalls of statistics;
(10) I have the strength of character to persevere and I don’t care what other people think.
If you experience something (orgasm in this case) that is significant but that appears to be unique, you are motivated to share it with others. You want to compare notes with others over an experience that is evidently extremely rare. You want to reassure others, with similar experience, that they are not alone. This has been my prime motivation for writing about sexuality.
Realising that the experience is rare, I have attempted to make it as broad as possible to reach as many individuals as I can. I have accepted that I just need to say what has to be said because I am the only person who appears to have the motivation to put the picture straight. I don’t understand why, but there it is. My research focuses on providing consistent and logical explanations for men and women’s sexual behaviours and responsiveness. My conclusions are not gospel. They are deductions I believe to be valid after many years of researching the topic.