I grew up with an interest in science. I wasn’t especially good at it but the ideas fascinated me. One of the issues that I understood to be core to science was the concept of a proof. A theory is proposed on the basis of strong evidence or logic. Then scientists challenge the theory until the weight of supporting evidence causes it to be accepted as part of scientific knowledge. This does not happen in sexology. Papers are written in language designed to obfuscate the discussion. There is no forum where thinking adults can ask questions or compare notes about sex. No organisation disseminates explanations or research findings. We don’t even have a comprehensive account of human sexuality.
The vast majority of people just have sex. This is not really experience of anything much. So-called sex experts are people who are comfortable talking about personal issues. They talk about sexual health, reproduction and relationships. You cannot give someone the ability to understand sexuality. Our appreciation of sexuality depends on two factors. Firstly, we need to be responsive (which is primarily a male characteristic). Secondly, we need the communication skills, sense of adventure and willingness to explore sex play with a lover over decades.
There is a misconception that to be an authority on sexuality, we must attend an academic course. But what facts, logic and research findings are these courses based on? The answer is that sexologists do not support their opinions with research findings any more than anyone else. No one questions the lack of factual and logical evidence. Research that challenges the emotional beliefs of the general population obtains little support or funding.
I’m glad to say that I’m not an expert. I haven’t been trained in the sexual ignorance others are willing to accept. I have relied on my common sense. I have been able to explain my experiences in terms of the research findings. The overwhelming proof of my competency is that I am ready to talk about explicit aspects of sexuality. No one else has anything to say. No one seems to appreciate that original research has to change the status quo. It does not involve simply agreeing with everyone else’s opinions.
I am certainly educated and intelligent enough to acquire the relevant academic qualifications. But I could not sit passively through a course that provides misinformation about women’s sexuality. I would never find a research sponsor because I am challenging current beliefs that bolster men’s view of their role in providing women with sexual pleasure through intercourse. No one is interested in women’s sexual experiences that do not conform to women’s sexual and social role of pleasing men.
If current beliefs about women’s sexuality were largely correct with only a few factual errors, I could join one of these institutions and work with them to correct the misunderstandings. But the errors and misconceptions are so colossal and all-encompassing that no one is going to listen from within. Every institution is dominated by male views, with women largely agreeing. Who is going to pay for a point of view that is so unpopular? I am prepared to be judged on the usefulness of my work to the general public and sex educators.
In the beginning I hoped that someone would join me. I thought that sexually experienced women, perhaps lesbians or prostitutes would have something to say. Most people are simply not motivated by this topic. There’s no money in it and most people have to earn a living. I am motivated by my determination to document the truth. The advantage of being outside professional bodies is that I am independent. I have a unique position of being able to ask unpopular questions and discuss the topic without the threat of censure. This is vital for the work that I need to do.