HomeWomen's sexualityReproductionWomen substitute sexual behaviours for responsiveness

Women substitute sexual behaviours for responsiveness

Many people are outraged by the suggestion that anyone might misrepresent women’s sexuality or exaggerate female responsiveness. Yet in other areas of the human experience, adults tell lies or bend the truth all the time. Human beings are often more concerned with impressing or influencing others than with any principle as prosaic as the truth. When our motives are well-intentioned (to demonstrate tact or diplomacy) such behaviour is considered to be compassionate or politically astute rather than deceitful.

The success of the G-spot myth is not solely due to men’s ignorance of the female anatomy involved in orgasm. Women who never learn how to stimulate themselves also prefer explanations for female orgasm that rely on male sex drive rather than on their own motivation to achieve orgasm. Even though she never has an orgasm, a woman behaves sexually by engaging in intercourse. Women are instinctively inclined to cooperate, given their dependence on others. They find ways of pleasing men and accommodating their desires. A defining aspect of female sexuality [i] is women’s willingness to compensate for their lack of responsiveness by engaging in behaviours that are consciously or subconsciously motivated.

A woman has no need to orgasm with a lover but a man may need reassurance that she appreciates his performance and his sexual admiration. Women assume a passive stance in sex, allowing men to provide not only the stimulation but also the passion they associate with lovemaking. Men stimulate the anatomy (breasts and vagina) that assists with their arousal. But this has nothing to do with how a woman achieves her own orgasm.

Sexual responsiveness has nothing to do with specialised knowledge or techniques. Neither can lifelong sexual experiences be dysfunctional. Either there is something inexplicably wrong with half the women who volunteer their sexual histories or the other half mistake orgasm. If intercourse was meant to be orgasmic, every woman would orgasm every time regardless of her lover’s attitude or his thrusting technique. The range of behaviours women employ causes men to conclude that each woman is unique.

Women’s success with faking orgasm is perhaps the biggest hoax of all time! To speed up male orgasm, an experienced woman plays along with male fantasies, by exaggerating her erotic arousal and faking orgasm. This responsiveness as a lover has nothing to do with her own ability to orgasm. But women’s willingness to provide male erotic turn-ons, even if only to reduce the time they need to invest in sex, is a vital part of human sexuality.

[i] … in considering the data for any heterosexual activity it is, therefore, important to distinguish between the female’s experience and her responses to orgasm. (Alfred Kinsey)

Excerpt from Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (ISBN 978-0956-894717)