Men are aroused by nudity and sexual opportunities, so it is assumed that women are too. The fact that pornography is censored in every society is ignored. No one seems to notice that women do not ogle anyone’s genitals. Women consider genitals to be ugly and smelly parts of the body. My own experience is that I am not aroused by genitals in reality (but neither am I disgusted by them). But when I masturbate alone, I need to use explicitly erotic concepts based on penetrative sex in order to achieve orgasm. For me, sexual pleasure is about enjoying my brain’s response to eroticism.
Once I was invited to attend a sex fair with a couple of women who ran a sex toy business. They explained that they only sold toys. They had chosen not to sell erotic material such as erotic books and movies. They said that their female customers considered erotic material to be obscene. [i] Sex toys are acceptable to women because they are functional gadgets without erotic significance (except perhaps those huge black phalluses one sees!).
I have found this reaction to be typical of women. They justify sex in terms of a loving relationship and having a family through a committed relationship. A woman is known to engage in sex because she is married. The fact is implicit because of her legal commitment to a relationship with a man. But she never refers explicitly to sexual activity. Neither does she admire male genitals or male responses. This is in stark contrast to men, who lust after women’s bodies and refer explicitly to every aspect of sexual activity.
The penis must be rigid before a man can orgasm. This is a prerequisite of male orgasm. A man’s erection comes from what is happening in his mind. His mind or senses (sight, smell etc) respond to erotic stimuli that cause the nervous excitement we call arousal. This same process must logically also occur for women if they are to experience orgasm. Responsive women use a much more complex mechanism to become aroused. But unfortunately this mechanism only works when a woman is alone. If women were aroused with a lover, they would be able to explain their turn-ons. Women in the general population would be able to explain how they get aroused.
Women use the word eroticism without having the least idea what this means to men. They think that any activity that includes nudity is erotic. So they take their clothes off and the scenario is erotic. But sex is erotic from the perspective of the penetrating male, who has the opportunity to obtain his sexual release through thrusting. It is not erotic from the perspective of the receiver. Whether a woman offers her mouth, her vagina or her anus, she is offering a man an opportunity to ejaculate into her body.
[i] Many females … are offended by portrayals of sexual action … most females are … antagonistic to the existence of such material because it means nothing to them erotically. (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Understanding Sexual Response (ISBN 978-0956-894762)