Kinsey noted that women who could masturbate to orgasm said they also had orgasms with a lover. This is contrary to my experience. I wonder whether women who think that they orgasm with a lover (which is quite impossible) also think that they orgasm when masturbating because they assume that almost any stimulation causes orgasm (as portrayed in erotic fiction). Incredible though it seems, they are mistaken in both situations. Two biological precedents should cause us to question beliefs about female orgasm. Homo sapiens evolved from more primitive mammals. There is no evidence that female mammals ever orgasm. Also male orgasm triggers the reproductive process but female orgasm is not required at all.
I ask women on the internet every day to explain how they enjoy eroticism, sexual pleasure and orgasm. Specifically I ask them to account for their arousal with a lover. I ask them to specify the erotic turn-ons that cause their arousal. I also ask them to explain the anatomy and the stimulation technique that they use to reach orgasm. Silence reigns. Women assume that intercourse is supposed to provide their sexual pleasure. This is because men assume that the receiver of intercourse must obtain the same satisfaction as the penetrating male. But no one can explain how a woman can achieve orgasm from stimulation that lasts for a random length of time.
Women are never asked to explain how they are aroused. Researchers do not take human psychology into account. When asked questions, we do not always have answers but we may feel obliged to provide an answer. Most women never respond positively to eroticism. Women talk of being aroused with no idea of what men experience. They assume that their willingness to allow a man to ejaculate into their vagina equates to arousal. They assume that they are aroused and have orgasms because they engage in intercourse. But intercourse is arousing from the perspective of the penetrating male because he needs an erection to engage in it. For a woman, intercourse is just a matter of remaining in position until a man ejaculates.
Whenever anyone (a man or a woman) stimulates a woman sexually, they tend to stimulate a variety of anatomy. Stimulation is directed to every part of the female body because women rarely communicate a preference. This is a clear indication that women are not aroused with a lover. So when researchers ask women about the anatomy involved in their presumed orgasms, women agree to whatever anatomy is suggested to them. Typically, more informed women opt for clitoral stimulation, while less educated women continue to suggest that they orgasm from vaginal stimulation.
[i] Most of the books I have read are not very revealing. They don’t answer the important questions. … At our age (I am eighteen years old – almost nineteen) we really are in the dark about sex. (Shere Hite)
Excerpt from ‘Understanding Sexual Response’ (to be published 2023)