HomeSexual responseMisconceptionsWomen are constantly aroused and orgasmic with a lover

Women are constantly aroused and orgasmic with a lover

People are amazed when I question the orgasms actresses are portrayed as having in pornography. They cannot believe that anyone would doubt the fiction. Yet porn is clearly a male masturbation tool. Pornography involves portraying male fantasies that help men reach orgasm when they masturbate alone. Nevertheless, sexologists seem to think that porn is a reasonable starting point for their beliefs about how real womenachieve orgasm.

No one thinks it an odd coincidence that male fantasies should define the reality of female responsiveness so precisely. Yet the basis for so-called scientific study is the assumption that real women should respond exactly as the female porn stars and as the women in erotic fiction do. I call them porno orgasms because they only exist in erotic fiction. Opinions on women’s sexuality are not called theories because of the convincing evidence from erotic fiction. Neither do sexologists ask women in the population to confirm their theories. Society just ignores any research indicating that real women behave differently to the actresses in pornography. [i]

Kinsey found that women take 10 to 20 minutes or longer to orgasm with a lover. He did not specify the stimulation technique being used, presumably every possible one. This timeframe is close to the time I would estimate for having a climax from anal intercourse or vaginal fisting. Kinsey noted that men orgasm through thrusting within an average of 2 minutes. So they are not thrusting for 20 minutes into a vagina. I suspect the 10 to 20 minutes or longer timeframe comes from the time men are willing to invest in stimulating a woman before they want to thrust to their own orgasm. I don’t believe women orgasm by any means with a lover. I always knew what an orgasm was and so I have always known that it does not occur with a lover. Other women appear to have no idea what is involved.

Boys learn that women do not refer to sex nor do they respond positively to sexual references. So men avoid asking their female partners about orgasm. Women have no answers anyway when it comes to their arousal and orgasm. But equally men prefer women’s silence to the explanations provided by the research. So the taboo over sex is a combination of women’s defensive silence and men’s political move to ignore women’s antipathy. Sex research has been done. But it has been universally ignored by women as well as by men. It’s not just women’s sexuality that is distorted by erotic fiction. Men are also shown with never-ending erections and engaging in a range of sexual activities without being obliged to ejaculate. Yet no one seems to see the harm in this belief that reality is the same as erotic fiction.

[i] For example, men found anal sexual behaviors (including anal sex, anal toys, and anal fingering) more appealing than women. The same was true for oral sex (both giving and receiving), watching a partner undress, and watching a partner masturbate. (Yella Hewings-Martin)

Excerpt from ‘Understanding Sexual Response’ (to be published 2021)


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