Understanding women’s sexual and emotional needs

Understanding women’s sexual and emotional needs

Sadly, researchers are often just as impressed with far-fetched accounts of female orgasm as the general public. Academics debate pure conjecture such as female ejaculation (copious quantities of vaginal juices produced by aroused females) based on age-old male fantasies and up-suck of sperm (pelvic contractions supposedly arising from so-called vaginal orgasms) as if they are proven facts. Most women ignore these myths fabricated by men but a few enjoy publicising this appealing account of their sexuality.

Orgasm can be used as a defining aspect of men’s sexuality because of the ease with which male orgasm can be objectively identified and justified in terms of men’s sexual behaviours. The same is not true for female orgasm. One problem is the assumption that women experience orgasm in exactly the same circumstances that men do. Another is that female responsiveness is defined in terms of women’s willingness to offer a man an opportunity for intercourse rather than their motivation to achieve their own orgasm.

Kinsey’s research indicated that women orgasm once in 2 weeks on average versus men’s 3 orgasms a week (men under age 30). Men slow down with age but even by 60, male orgasm frequencies have not fallen to female levels. In fact, Kinsey and Hite overestimated female responsiveness. Their conclusions were incorrect, not because their sampling methods were flawed, but because they accepted what women said. They did not validate these orgasm claims. For example, the anatomy involved in orgasm has to be consistent for all women (regardless of sexual orientation) whether they are alone or with a lover (regardless of their lover’s gender).

It is difficult to find a definition of sexual politics because the term encapsulates the unpalatable fact that men exploit women but men are also manipulated by women who take advantage of men’s sexual needs. Men obsess about female orgasm because it is elusive in reality. Pornography exaggerates female responsiveness to provide turn-ons that assist with male orgasm. After all, if porn reflected reality, it would no longer be a fantasy! A fantasy, by definition, is an enhancement or an exaggeration of reality.

Men’s politics is characterised by violent action and women’s by manipulative silence. But silence proves nothing. I know we all want a man to think us the sexiest thing in the world but it is not helpful to have female sexuality defined in such a way that most women refuse to comment! The evidence for female responsiveness needs to come from women who can talk confidently about their enjoyment of arousal (a response to erotic stimuli) and orgasm resulting from sexual activity they themselves initiate. [i]

[i] Most of the action in a petting relationship originates with the male. Most of it is designed to stimulate the female. (Alfred Kinsey)

Excerpt from Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (ISBN 978-0956-894724)