HomeWomen's sexualitySexual pleasureThe quality aspects of orgasm rely on erotic turn-ons

The quality aspects of orgasm rely on erotic turn-ons

Prostitutes, swingers and bluffers may talk nonchalantly about techniques for pleasuring a man. But they never refer to the erotic turn-ons they enjoy. [i] Women are likely to feel more at ease with a lover if they enjoy eroticism through fantasies. Responsive women orgasm by identifying with the penetrating male. But even they are not aroused by graphic sexual images, which is why there are no female equivalents to ‘peeping Toms’.

Misconception #5: Because of the male experience, it is incorrectly assumed that women are aroused at the start of sexual activity (both alone and with a lover). Men live in a permanent sexual fantasy. Women have to make a much more conscious decision to engage in erotic thoughts.

Men love to stimulate their penis and they clearly associate sexual pleasure with turn-ons. Most people who regularly seek to achieve orgasm do so because they enjoy it. Part of the quality aspect of orgasm is the psychological turn-ons that provide the mental arousal involved in sexual release.

Just as some women believe they orgasm from intercourse as men do, there are women who claim to be aroused by pornography as men are. Women are unaware that the roles of the penetrating male and the receiver of intercourse (vaginal or anal) are quite different. Men are aroused by intercourse because of the chase, the pleasure of thrusting and the territorial reward of ejaculating. For women, intercourse is an act of impregnation.

Men never say they are aroused by porn. They talk about real-world erotic triggers. Most men masturbate because sex is not on offer. But a woman can easily get sex, if she wants it. So why would she ever need a substitute? During intercourse, a man can enjoy explicit views of penetration that women cannot. So how could women have evolved a response to visual stimuli they never see? Responsive women stimulate the clitoris so how can other woman orgasm by offering an orifice for a man to ejaculate into?

Women explain their orgasms with a lover by adopting the turn-ons of others. They claim to use fantasies with a lover. If any woman could use fantasy with a lover, it is much more likely to be responsive women than women who are trying to justify orgasms with a lover. Responsive women are considered to be dysfunctional because they know that the same techniques do not work with a lover. Other women say they are aroused by a lover’s nudity. Yet women never eulogise about male genitals. Neither do men present themselves in clothing that accentuates their sexual attributes.

[i] A considerable proportion of those males in our sample who had had the opportunity to observe other persons in sexual activity had responded sympathetically during their observation. The females who had had the opportunity to observe sexual activity rarely reported such sympathetic responses. (Alfred Kinsey)

Excerpt from Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (ISBN 978-0956-894717)


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