Sexual pleasuring techniques a woman may enjoy

There are no female equivalents to the turn-ons that motivate men sexually. [i] Women often prefer intercourse in the dark and they do not enjoy observing their own genitals. The visual impact of her own and a lover’s genitalia can even detract from a woman’s enjoyment of sexual pleasuring. This is because a woman prefers a romantic view of sexual activity rather than the harsh reality of hairy genitals and less than perfect body shapes. In men’s eyes women can seem impossible to please. But women wonder why men do not provide them with the social interaction they hope for.

A woman does not obtain the same automatic emotional fulfilment from sex that men do. She needs sexual pleasuring to be emotionally meaningful. By offering a man intercourse she hopes that he will care about her because she is, not just sexually, but also emotionally significant to him.

Men tell me that their partners orgasm through cunnilingus. They seem to think that if a woman is stimulated genitally, she always orgasms. This is not my experience. I do not necessarily orgasm even if I do receive stimulation in the correct form. My body only responds to the point of orgasm very sporadically: perhaps once every few weeks for as much as 3 or 4 times in one week but not every week. So how can a man give a woman an orgasm when I cannot do this for myself even through masturbation?

If my lover offers oral sex, I accept his desire to please me but eventually I stop him because the sensations are minimal. Likewise manual stimulation of the clitoris can be irritating or uncomfortable. It is only if I am sufficiently aroused that clitoral stimulation assists with achieving orgasm.

The American researcher Nicole Prause explains her conclusion that women mistake orgasm with a lover. As she points out, this is not a problem if they are enjoying the sexual activity. It is only a problem when such women boast about orgasm as if it equates to the erotic responses that men experience. Shere Hite concluded that women more often talk about enjoying the closeness and intimacy of sex, rather than referring to orgasm.

A woman can enjoy sex for many reasons. She may want the emotional reassurance of knowing that her attractiveness (both her body and her behaviour) arouses her partner. Or she may enjoy indulging her fantasies. Sometimes for a change, a woman may enjoy using a blindfold to focus on sensations and use some low-key bondage to heighten the sense of being desired by a partner. Sex toys can be used to tease, bring in some anticipation (of the real thing!) and take the pressure off a man needing an erection.

[i] … promiscuity may depend, in many instances, upon the male’s anticipation of variation in the genital anatomy of the partner, in the techniques which may be used during the contacts, and in the physical responses of the new partner. None of these factors have such significance for the average female. (Alfred Kinsey)

Excerpt from Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (ISBN 978-0956-894724)