Sex information must explain real women’s behaviours

Sex information must explain real women’s behaviours

The young tend to be the most sexually active. So mature couples with decades of experience often assume that young people know more about sex than they do. In turn each generation rejects the wisdom of its elders. The sex researchers’ findings have been so contentious that their work is simply ignored. So today we have no universally accepted account of our sexuality and sex information is based largely on personal intuition.

The fundamental principles of scientific method include observing the real world, proposing theories to explain our observations and testing those theories to see if they are correct. This does not happen in sexology. Unpopular research findings are ignored rather than investigated and adjusted as necessary. While sensational proposals are promoted on the basis of popular appeal. These theories are not tested to ensure that they can be accepted into an accumulated and consistent body of scientific knowledge.

I use logical thinking, basic common sense and a knowledge of the prerequisites for orgasm (based on my own experience of masturbation and on what men need to orgasm by any means) to propose a theory about how orgasm is achieved. I suggest it is unreasonable to expect women to replicate the unrealistic sexual feats claimed by a tiny minority. What is impossible for me to achieve is probably equally impossible for other women.

I have been capable of orgasm all of my adult life. I have also been adventurous with a lover but nothing worked until middle age. Even then the climaxes I have had with a lover are very pleasurable physical sensations but I do not place the same emotional significance on genital stimulation that men do. It is simply not possible for other women to respond so totally differently. If they did, there would be significant numbers of women in the general population able to provide explicit accounts of how they achieve orgasm as a response to erotic stimuli. This is clearly not the case. Very few women are willing to say anything at all about sex and orgasm.

It has taken me years of analysing my most personal sexual experiences (both alone and with a lover) for me to be able to describe not only what happens in my mind and to my body but also to suggest perhaps why. [i] In presenting this evidence, my challenge is that no one can accept that sex information today is so wrong! We’d rather base our sexual knowledge on a concoction of fantasy and ignorance than the research findings. So it’s small wonder that both sexes end up feeling inadequate and (even worse!) blaming a lover for not making sex as exciting as we think it should be! The embarrassment over sex is due to our unwillingness to accept the facts.

[i] The history of science is part of the history of the freedom to observe, to reflect, to experiment, to record, and to bear witness. (Alan Gregg)

Excerpt from Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (ISBN 978-0956-894724)