Tony: I have been married for 24 years. Since we had kids 16.5 years ago my wife has ZERO…and I mean ZERO interest in any intimacy with me. We were having sex about 1624 times a year. But now it has been 22.5 months since she has even touched me. I am 47 and have a high sex drive. I have tried everything. I am at my wits end. Any suggestions? JANE: First back off completely from physical contact. Second be very subtly admiring of other women (by looking more than saying anything). Third invest in your relationship. Most importantly be interested in listening to her and have something intelligent to say in reply. Lastly look at your own image. Women relate to people through the wider relationship. Tony: I have been not in physical contact for months. I am in good shape … so that can’t be a reason. She is so negative and critical. She says things in front of the kids which makes it worse. Thank you for your words of wisdom. JANE: Why is she with you? Are you willing to go to counselling? It’s not a jail sentence. Marriage is about two people enjoying each other’s company & hopefully sharing some form of intimacy & happiness together. Do you go away for weekends together spend time doing something companionable like walking or cooking a meal? Tony: It is crazy Jane. She will not even let me see her naked. Goes into the closet to change. If I put my hand on her she says don’t touch me or thank you that is enough. I was going to leave her 2 years ago and she found that this one lady liked me. She apologized and said she was sorry. She changed for 3 months. Tony (cont): She was ready anytime and anywhere. Then she went cold turkey and said I didnt do anything for her. We have gone to 3 different counsellors over the last 15 years or so and they all side with me. She is a difficult one. And I promote the walking and cooking and she isn’t interested. I promote weekends and she isn’t interested. She just likes watching TV. JANE: All sounds very strange to me. Why do you want to continue with the relationship? Wouldn’t it be better to find someone else? Are you sure she hasn’t explained? I find men can be a bit thickskinned sometimes. Couples grow apart & then have nothing in common. Some people find a new hobby to share like linedancing, rambling or whatever. You must rebuild your relationship before you can hope for sex. Tony: I totally agree! I don’t want to break up the family but I can’t keep living this way. Everything you say I totally believe in and have done but I am not successful. I am a successful businessman and it is so frustrating when I can’t have a successful marriage. But it takes two. I will try again all the things you suggested and see what happens. If you think of anything else, please let me know. I have enjoyed reading your articles. Tony (cont): The funny thing is that I love to give my wife oral sex and she thinks it is gross. The only time she didn’t was for those 3 months she went porn star on me. And of course she doesn’t like giving me oral sex which of course I love … that was when we did have sex. The only time she was wanting to give me oral sex was during those 3 months 2 years ago. Tony (cont): What has turned her off is that I haven’t made my garage perfectly tidy. I will say that my friends wives have told me for years that I need to leave her because of the way she treats me. I am scared because of the kids and dividing up the money. But I want my happiness back. I am such a different person when I am not around her. JANE: Well, I think the garage thing is just an excuse. I still find it strange that she should be so miserable for no good reason. Many people are afraid of change but you only get once chance in life. You should at least try to meet other women. Tony: Oh and that I don’t fix things fast enough or they don’t get fixed. And I agree that it is an excuse. And thank you for thinking I am not crazy… An interesting & fun way to learn about sexuality for all