Jim: I just wanted to drop you a note on how much Ive enjoyed all your articles. I am a bit confused though. Im trying to figure out just exactly what my role as a male is. Im not sure about much anymore after reading your blogs for months. Jim (cont): Do women ever look forward to sex and get horny or is it more a show of love to their partner to have sex? So Im gathering that intercourse is way overrated for a woman. Would a woman rather have oral sex or have a vibrator used on her? Sorry for all the crazy questions. JANE: Women enjoy aspects of the wider relationship such as doing things together, talking and laughing. Intercourse is just about impregnation. If a woman feels loving towards her partner (because he demonstrates that he cares about her), JANE (cont): then she can enjoy giving him pleasure. Men need to keep sex play varied. Women are not erotically aroused with a lover but sensual pleasuring can be pleasant. A man needs to do all the work! I hope thats not too demoralising for you? Jim: No not at all. I just think that there are too many moving parts to ever find the exact way to her heart and her wanting sex on a consistent basis. It seems for a woman it can change on a dime without notice. This leaves me frustrated trying to be a mind reader every day. Jim (cont): I just wish women would be honest about sex and tell us what they are thinking and what they need. Its not much of a turnon to think a woman will suck you off or spread her legs out of obligation instead of doing it because she really wants it too. JANE: This is where the deceit begins. Men say they want to hear that a woman truly wants sex. Thats what theyll get. Why cant men accept that women enjoy other emotional pleasures? Sex is for men. Women are simply not equipped to get the same from sex. JANE (cont): It seems hugely insensitive to me that men keep harping on about something that women can never experience. Women offer sex because they want to please a lover. They want to be pleasured by a lover. But its not a burning desire. Its nice sometimes. JANE (cont): Other times it seems like a chore. Ive never worked out a formula. Probably many factors are involved e.g. how a woman feels generally, how she feels about her partner and whether she is in the mood to engage on eroticism. Men live in a perpetual fantasy. Women have to work hard to move into the sexual world. Jim: Thanks! I really dont want to come off as a male that only thinks about sex! I enjoy doing a thousand other things with a woman that have nothing to do with sex. Being loving, kind, gentle, giving and Jim (cont): just enjoying the company of a woman and letting her know that. My biggest fear is engaging in something that isnt mutually enjoyable to both people. Your blog has given me so much to think about. We can learn from other people. JANE: A woman enjoys being admired, caressed and kissed. She enjoys knowing that her body arouses her lover. She wants to feel a mans romantic passion. Women do not like explicit terms JANE (cont): or graphic descriptions. Women prefer softer more romantic stimuli. Couples have to work at keeping sex varied. A woman needs to feel relaxed and not distracted by other concerns. Dedicated to womens enjoyment of sexual pleasure