JANE: Why do people believe everything they read in erotic fiction? Haris: Interesting question! Are you defining erotic fiction narrowly or something that would include for example pornography and Hollywood romance? JANE: Fiction is invented and does not necessarily reflect reality. It can be in the form of visual media (photos and movies) or literature. Erotic fiction portrays sexual scenarios and the behaviours of the participants. It rarely refers to what the person is thinking about. JANE (cont): Men focus on the erotic aspects of sexual activity genitals and penetration. Women talk of lovemaking and are embarrassed by erotic references. They refer to emotional connection with a lover. Responsive women use erotic fantasy to achieve orgasm alone. Sexual response relates to the brain’s response. Without this response, physical stimulation is futile. Haris: Thanks for the clarifications and the insights! Would you say that this mismatch in men’s and women’s thoughts is universal and cannot be changed? Do people really believe the erotic fiction, or do they just use it to get stimulated? JANE: Men are aroused by many varied erotic turnons: genitals, body parts, opportunities for intercourse, etc. Can you name any female erotic turnons with a lover? My experience is that there is no arousal with a lover. I use erotic fantasy alone to achieve orgasm. I have been asking women for years about how they get aroused with a lover. No answers so far. Haris: Wow, interesting testimony! So you really think that for most women intercourse is not that important? JANE: Science is not about beliefs and opinions. It’s about the research findings. The legal concept of consent also indicates a major difference between the sexes. Women enjoy lovemaking with a respectful and affectionate lover. But intercourse and any form of sexual activity is much more important to most men than it is to most women. Very few women ever comment on any aspect of sexuality even their own. Haris: I’d say science is about theories and clutching at straws to find evidence in their favour, but never mind, I don’t mind not getting into that discussion. As for your claim that men talk about sex much more than women do, couldn’t somebody object that women have exactly the same drive towards sex as men but are repressed by the maledominated society? JANE: Why would men want to repress any desire women might have to talk about sex? You can’t change biology. Men’s function is to impregnate women. Women’s function is to have the babies. No one can have a drive to be penetrated by a penis or other object. JANE (cont): It is the mind of the penetrating male that motivates him to want to penetrate a partner. The receiver is merely a passive participant who is more focused on the upper body lovemaking kissing and caressing rather than the lack of erotic and physical stimulation of intercourse. Haris : Mm, interesting and enlightening ideas 🙂 An interesting & fun way to learn about sexuality for all