JANE: If women had orgasms regularly with a partner, then men would know what erotic turnons cause female orgasm, what anatomy and what stimulation technique is involved. The fact that neither men nor women can provide explicit explanations is due to ignorance. Karl: Because you ask an impossible question and because we are all different. What might work with one person won’t guarantee to work with another. The important component here is being able to communicate without embarrassment. Karl (cont): Being able to explain what you like in the minutest detail and then being comfortable with your partner trying. Of course, there are a myriad of other factors such as: Selfconfidence, Experience, How safe you feel with your partner, Depression, Physical Health issues, Confidence, Openness, Diet, Fitness, Children, Lifestyle, Work, Sleep pattern etc. Karl (cont): The largest factor is that men are often selfish, perhaps because of an animalistic primal urge to continue the bloodline. I learn as we all do with experience sex. Its much better with a longstanding partner who you can grow with sexually, exploring with one another together and fulfilling each persons desires, but founded on being open and honest. JANE: Men are aroused by breasts, legs, buttocks, pussy… What are women aroused by a penis, testicles? Men stimulate the penis to orgasm in a massaging motion. What anatomy do women stimulate to orgasm: clitoris, vagina, breasts, belly button? I’ve heard them all. Karl: I think most women are aroused by a mans looks, thoughts and courage. Women can be stimulated by all of those you’ve mentioned although you’ve missed the most important and that’s her brain. But the answer you want from me is the clitoris. JANE: A man’s looks thoughts and courage are not erotic turnons. Turnons are objects or concepts that are explicitly sexual: associated with penetrative sex. Women look for connection and enjoy emotional rewards with a lover. This is why men date women. No one discusses male orgasm. It happens reliably. Female orgasm is a male turnon because of its rarity. Karl: Why cant you accept that I can bring a woman to orgasm, because of a German girlfriend who took the time to highlight what I was doing right and asked me to stop what I was doing wrong. After that I recognised myself what worked and what didnt by physical response. JANE: You are not being explicit about female orgasm. You also imply that a woman needs a man to stimulate her before she can orgasm. I started out 20 years ago asking men and women to explain these orgasms women are supposed to have with a lover. After 20 years of silence, anger and defensiveness I apologise, if I sound a slightly jaded. Karl: Its all about breaking down communication barriers. I believe those barriers are less when you live outside of the U.K. simply because sex is still viewed as secretive and dirty. Ive had a girlfriend who was in her forties that couldnt even bring herself to say the word sex let alone discuss it! JANE: Some men contact me in private and are much more explicit than you are being. Few women contact me at all. They have little interest in sexual discussions and do not understand sexual response. Karl: Both sexes need to discuss these matters openly and help one another understand better. The important thing here is that two partners both experience orgasm and not the first to the finish post. Celebrating our ability to enjoy eroticism