Men want more sex than is required for reproduction

Men want more sex than is required for reproduction
Men want more sex than is required for reproduction

Most men are tempted by any sexual opportunity. A man’s sex drive determines intercourse frequencies so couples struggle when a man has a high sex drive because women need emotional rewards. The so-called sexual dysfunctions of men coming too soon and women taking too long arise because of misunderstanding about the role of intercourse as a mating act.

Kinsey put the spotlight on orgasm, which he used to measure individual sexual responsiveness. Some women claimed to orgasm from the stimulation that men provide. But such women did not initiate sex more than other women. [i] Nor were they more enthusiastic about sex or more adventurous than other women who knew that orgasm was not possible with a lover.

Confusion arises because we evaluate sexuality in terms of sociable activity rather than a person’s responsiveness. For example, although we may acknowledge that men masturbate much more commonly and frequently than women do, we are not impressed by this fact. We assess a person’s responsiveness foremost according to what the outside world sees: the frequency (rather than the quality) of their interaction with others. We assume that a woman is promiscuous because she is enjoying orgasmic pleasure.

The modern assertion that women are capable of rape indicates the lack of understanding about the nature of male sex drive and of intercourse as a mating act initiated by the male. Nature ensures that a man can impregnate a woman at any time because men are physically stronger and more aggressive than women. But the reproductive aim (survival of offspring) is better achieved through mutual cooperation between the sexes. Women have the emotional rewards of rearing children to offset against the disadvantages of pregnancy and childbirth. Men have the rewards of responding to erotic stimulation to set against the disadvantages of the sexual frustration that comes with having a sex drive. Men do not enjoy being put under pressure. They want women to respond only when they have an erection.

No one uses the term female sex drive. The confusing term sexual desire has been coined instead. When a woman says she feels sexually desirable, she doesn’t mean that she is close to orgasm. She may simply mean that she feels attractive to men and amenable to offering a man intercourse. Some sources suggest that a woman can increase her sexual desire by relaxing in a hot tub. Anyone may feel more desirable (and indeed may be more desirable) if they have bathed. Sensual pleasuring is more enjoyable if we are relaxed. But there is no mechanism that increases sex drive.

[i] Since the frequencies of masturbation depend primarily on the physiologic state and the volition of the female, they may provide a significant measure of the level of her interest in sexual activity. Heterosexual activities, on the other hand, are more often initiated by the male partner and, in consequence, they do not provide as good a measure of the female’s innate capacities and sexual interests. (Alfred Kinsey)

Excerpt from Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (ISBN 978-0956-894717)