Everyone gets terribly emotional about insisting that women should orgasm with a lover and yet female orgasm serves no useful purpose at all. The function of female orgasm is simple: women’s pleasure (not men’s). Men are not motivated by orgasm (which ends their enjoyment of engaging in sexual activity) but by the rewards of intercourse. Men are aroused by the eroticism of sexual domination through whole body contact, the overwhelming sensations of penetration and control through thrusting. Yet female orgasm is supposed to equate to all these male pleasures and more.
The bravado of women who claim to orgasm with a lover [i], as well as the derision that is poured on women who know that it is not possible, indicate that conscious behaviours are involved and not natural responses. A woman’s experience is truly unique when it makes her look good but does nothing to explain the differences in women’s orgasm techniques. Boasting about orgasm is easy but these women clearly understand nothing about the nature of sexual response. They are embarrassed by explicitness.
If female orgasm is so natural and common why is every woman not an expert? Why does a woman not give herself an orgasm? Orgasm has become a specialised topic that few women are willing to comment on. Even in this modern age it is suggested that women are too modest or too embarrassed to talk about sex and orgasm. This is ludicrous. Female orgasm with a lover is the most hotly promoted experience of all time! If every woman is capable of orgasm with a lover, then at least a few should be able to discuss this idyllic phenomenon in sufficient detail to be credible.
There is an amazing lack of tolerance for any discussion of sex that does not involve promoting women as the sexual equals (or superiors) of men. Confident of the full backing of heterosexual society, women defend their sexual ego against any information that might explain a gap (between expectation and reality) that they are not even willing to admit exists. Why should they be offended by an issue that does not concern them? Our society exercises a form of voluntary censorship whereby any facts that support the fantasy are promoted while contrary evidence is suppressed.
There is an implication that some women are more responsive than others, which is of course possible. But if it were so, they would masturbate. They would know how orgasm with a lover differs from orgasm alone. They would stimulate the same anatomy that is involved in masturbation and they would realise that erotic turn-ons are vital to anyone reaching orgasm.
[i] Of course, the thirty percent of women who said they could orgasm regularly during intercourse often bragged about it … Like the competition among women fifty years ago as to who made the best pies, we’re still competing for male approval and haven’t yet come into our own. (Shere Hite)
Excerpt from Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (ISBN 978-0956-894717)