Men’s orgasm techniques are consistent regardless of sexual orientation. Once his mind is triggered by a turn-on, a man stimulates his penis whether he engages in masturbation, oral sex or intercourse. Only the anatomy of their lover dictates whether men engage in vaginal or anal intercourse.
Women’s orgasm techniques are much less consistent. Notably, behaviours differ between gay and straight women. Sexual orientation determines turn-ons (whether we are aroused by the same or opposite sex) but it should not reasonably affect how we achieve orgasm. Lesbians have the advantage of familiarity with their own anatomy. [i] Lesbians stimulate the clitoris, the labia and the entrance to the vagina. In the absence of men, women do not need to use a phallus to penetrate the vagina or other orifice.
Sexual frustration occurs because a person has a strong biological drive to engage in penetrative activity, as the penetrating male. Men can be frustrated when they lack opportunities for intercourse. But ultimately men have the physical strength and the aggression to take what they need by force. A woman cannot oblige a man to provide her with a sexual release.
Heterosexual activity involves one man and one woman. So men and women are sexual equals to the extent that women participate in heterosexual activity as much as men do. But the motivations are different. While male orgasm is associated with explicit mental and physical stimuli, female orgasm is assumed to arise implicitly from heterosexual lovemaking.
Women who respond as a lover by simulating erotic arousal or who describe sex as orgasmic have a significant advantage. No one boasts about the orgasms they enjoy alone. The only reproductive advantage worth bragging about is a woman’s ability to attract a man so that he wants to impregnate her. Consequently explanations for how women orgasm alone are much more consistent than for how they orgasm with a male lover.
Stimulation of the vagina is associated with a male partner. The clitoris is associated with women’s stimulation of themselves or other women. Naturally, the vagina prevails! Men’s desire for vaginal penetration far outweighs heterosexual women’s desire to rob men of their delusions. Confusion over anatomy only arises with a male lover because of a man’s drive to penetrate the vagina. Men will only engage in lovemaking when they have an erection because their ultimate goal is to engage in penetrative sex. Women accept having to satisfy male sexual needs in return for affection.
[i] Whenever female homosexual relationships include genital techniques, the clitoris is usually involved. This is particularly significant because the partners in such contacts often know more about female genital function than either of the partners in a heterosexual relation. (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (ISBN 978-0956-894717)