Jenny: I’m 56 years old and have been married 28 years. My husband is the only sexual partner I’ve had. I thought that I could orgasm, but have concluded that I never have, not properly.
Jenny (cont): And yes, I have pretended to be in ecstasy like I’ve seen in films while believing the women’s reactions were all grossly exaggerated. Any reassurance would be much appreciated!
JANE: There is a misconception that orgasm occurs through physical stimulation alone. This is because men are easily stimulated to orgasm but only because they are already aroused in their minds. A woman’s mental arousal has to be consciously engineered.
JANE (cont): I use erotic fantasies when masturbating alone but these do not work with a lover. Sex is about male orgasm! Female orgasm is an evolutionary anomaly with no reproductive advantage as it does not occur with a lover. But there is so much hype about it, which is confusing!
Jenny: I’ve tried reading erotic literature and fantasising about taboo subjects. I’ve tried all kinds of vibrators and some gel that makes the clitoris more sensitive. Although I feel a build-up, it all goes away before anything happens. I wonder if I am lacking hormones and truly am dysfunctional.
JANE: I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. The media portrayal of women’s sexuality is over-hyped and bears no resemblance to reality. Orgasm only lasts for seconds. Women need to make the most of the more sensual & emotional pleasures of sexual activity with a lover. Of course, variety helps!
Jenny: Thank you very much Jane, I’ve just been reading your websites, which are all most enlightening. I must say that the more I read, the better I feel about my less than exciting sex life!
Jenny (cont): It seems that not every woman has amazing orgasms, if at all, which makes me feel better. We have such unrealistic expectations of sex. Thank you so much!
JANE: I provide information to help women understand their sexuality. Communication with your partner is vital, if you want to improve your relationship. It takes two. I’m not a therapist. But one approach involves each partner making a list of their priorities.
JANE (cont): Then using that list to discuss changes that could be made. A woman certainly does not need a man with an erection in order to enjoy orgasm or the sensual and emotional aspects of sex. Remember to have some fun!
An interesting & fun way to learn about sexuality for all