Some women suggest that female arousal depends on emotional stimuli. I do not think I ever accepted this idea. But it is difficult to discount the experience of others. I slowly concluded that they are mistaken. This fact led me to a further conclusion that arousal is not a common place experience for women. Consequently, most women have no idea what it entails.
Most of Kinsey’s data came from private interviews. He also observed individuals as they engaged in sexual activity, including a woman who masturbated by lying face down on the bed. He noted that she thrust her hips rhythmically and clenched her pelvic muscles in a similar way to a man who is engaged in coitus. I had never thought of how it might look to an observer before. When we act instinctively, we do not tend to wonder why we do so. Our motivation is subconscious and the activity feels natural. Kinsey noted that women engage in sexual activity without having an orgasm but he did not relate this finding to female masturbation techniques.
I wondered why I always have to focus so intensely on erotic fantasy before I was conscious of any arousal. I have concluded that I am never conscious of any state of arousal except as a precursor to masturbation. I also wondered why I needed complete privacy and silence to achieve the arousal I needed for orgasm? I have concluded that this is also due to the intensity of mental focus that is required to generate arousal from nothing. Women do not have the advantages men have of hormonal or bio-logical arousal. Nor do they respond during the day to real-world erotic triggers.
A woman focuses on the male role (as penetrator) in intercourse when she uses surreal fantasy to assist with her arousal. When a woman masturbates, she moves in a similar way to a copulating male. Female masturbation involves a woman assuming the male role in intercourse. Orgasm involves the phallus or erectile sex organ (penis or clitoris). So a woman is effectively putting herself in the role of the penetrating male when she is aroused. The muscular action which is involved when a female masturbates in this fashion is typical of the copulatory movements of the male.
Even when one accepts that the clitoris is the organ responsible for female orgasm, there is a further intellectual step in understanding women’s responsiveness. The parallel in anatomy is only part of a bigger picture. Responsiveness is a characteristic of male reproductive function. Male orgasm triggers the reproductive process. Women are only capable of orgasm because they have anatomy and psychology that has evolved from the sexual development of the male. Hence the rarity of female orgasm.
… there is no … male sex drive that forces men to pressure women into intercourse. (Shere Hite)
Excerpt from ‘Understanding Sexual Response’ (to be published 2023)