A few women have been observed in the laboratory to orgasm multiple times or with minimal stimulation. But such women are incredibly rare.
Many of these cases have more in common with a nervous disorder or some kind of fit than a sexual release. If someone experiences orgasm like the ticking of a clock (or hiccups) it not likely that another un-afflicted person could duplicate that experience even if they wanted to.[i]
Our sense of inadequacy comes from expectations set by unique individuals. Yet the very sensationalism of such stories highlights the rarity of women’s true orgasmic response. Genital hiccups may have characteristics in common with orgasm but they are not a response to erotic stimuli.
It is assumed that women in the past did not orgasm because of ignorance (of effective stimulation techniques) or attitudes (that inhibited their responses). But a true sex drive cannot be subdued just by social pressure.
If a man cannot achieve an erection he feels truly wretched (so that life feels hardly worth living) because he cannot enjoy his arousal cycle.
Women may be unhappy about a lack of orgasm but they can live with it.
Women have sex because they feel guilty about not offering in the past, they are trying to keep their partner happy or because they want to enjoy an intimate act with a lover. These are perfectly valid reasons for a woman to engage in intercourse with someone she loves but they do not indicate any kind of ‘drive’ to have sex or an orgasm. Waiting for a lover to initiate intercourse indicates a wish to be found sexually desirable, a need to feel appreciated and a desire to enjoy sensual and loving intimacy.
Sex drive cannot be switched on and off depending on a man’s personal circumstances (such as whether he is in a relationship). Men can compensate (e.g. by masturbating) but they can’t easily subjugate their drive to a lover’s wishes, which is why men can appear insensitive as lovers.
It is implied that women are happy with a lack of orgasm. Most women are too embarrassed to question but also they don’t want to hurt their lover’s feelings. Women may reluctantly accept that intercourse is not arousing. Men cannot comprehend that without a sex drive women have no reason to be moved by sex at all. Rather than try to convince men of something they will never accept women take the easier route of faking.
[i] … the remarkable ability of some females to reach orgasm repeatedly within a short period of time, are capacities which most other individuals could not conceivably acquire through training, childhood experience, or any sort of psychiatric therapy. (p377 Kinsey 1953)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (2013)