Some men hope that sexual pleasuring can be mutual

Some men hope that sexual pleasuring can be mutual

Society often implies that sex (like smoking and drinking) is a sign of maturity and worldliness. Films portray prostitutes as beautiful and classy young women offering a variety of sexual pleasuring techniques. Sadly, the run-of-the-mill prostitute does not provide ‘dinner with a show’. [i] She feels no obligation to fake her presumed pleasure in return for charging her client. Around 69% of men admit to having had sex at least once with a prostitute but only 20% ever use prostitutes regularly. Younger (under thirty) and less educated men are most likely to have sex with prostitutes.

It would be logical to assume that any sexual activity a man pays for is likely to revolve around male gratification. But some men want to feel that sexual pleasuring can be just as important to a woman as it is to them. An educated man invests in sexual pleasuring (beyond intercourse) to reassure himself that he is not being selfish. Such men are less tempted by casual sex because of the lack of emotional context. Their ability to enjoy fantasies may substitute for the variety that other men obtain from promiscuity.

Some men are more emotionally sensitive than others. A more intellectual man is often timid in approaching women. He respects women’s mysterious sexuality. He is aware of how easily his mother, sisters and girlfriends are offended by sexual references. He hopes for intimacy but wants to obtain a woman’s approval before he is confident to make a sexual advance.

A man’s willingness to stimulate a woman (even if only through intercourse) reassures him that his motivations (because they are aimed at pleasuring his lover rather than himself) are unselfish. Men’s sexual needs are biological; women’s are emotional. A woman offers sex for money, for love or for vanity (ego). Men assume women have sex to enjoy orgasm even though Kinsey and Hite highlighted that women orgasm most easily by masturbating alone rather than with a lover. Today the only statistics quoted from their work are Kinsey’s 10% of women who never orgasm by any means and Hite’s 30% of women who orgasm through intercourse.

No one explains why they quote these statistics while ignoring others. The findings from this early research were so unpopular that no one has obtained funding for research to confirm or correct the findings. Therefore we have no other reliable statistics. Modern surveys never justify how they select their samples, their tiny sample sizes or the appropriateness of extending their findings to every woman worldwide. Our society has rejected the conclusions of women in the population because of the conflict with the much more attractive way that women are portrayed in erotic fiction.

[i] The upper level male dislikes the limitation on petting in his relations with prostitutes. He commonly complains about the genital inadequacies of the prostitute, … that she is not responding erotically. In consequence, she does not stimulate the emotionally sensitive, upper level male. (Alfred Kinsey)

Excerpt from Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (ISBN 978-0956-894724)