Steven: Hi Jane I have a question for you. How much do you see sexless marriages being a result of the dissatisfaction produced by unrealistic expectations versus the reality of sexual relationships? JANE: Women today have more financial and social independence. They are not so reliant on marriage. Modern media show men being romantic (in movies women watch) and women being sexual (in the movies men watch). Fictional media have made the problem even worse. Steven (cont): My wife was never very sexual. She was inhibited and lacked knowledge. She has always had a hang up about how her pussy looks. Whereas I thought it was beautiful. My wife swears that shes never had any fantasies she wanted to act out because she has only ever seen sex as something for the husband and for children. JANE: Why did your sex life come to an end? Was there an event? Or did it just slowly die? Did you ever talk about it? Did you think about going to counsellors? Steven: Its been over 11 years now since we had sex. Initially my wife became ill with fibroids. She was in a great deal of pain. Eventually they operated and she had a complete hysterectomy. She has no interest in anything sexual full stop. Steven (cont): She gets the affection she needs from the hand holding, cuddles, kisses and massages just so long as I dont touch her anywhere intimate. I get very little from that personally. Im left high and dry. Despite trying my best, the rejection I feel has taken its toll on me. Steven (cont): After all this time I feel nothing for her sexually. I see her naked and feel nothing anymore. I love her so theres no intention on my part to cheat on her. I am genuinely heartbroken by the situation but I dont see theres anything I can do about it. Steven (cont): She has no desire to change things. We tried talking about it in the past. Often that led to arguments and blame on both sides. We would schedule sex and then one or both of us would find a reason to cancel. After a couple of times of that happening I realised our sex life was finally over. JANE: I find it amazing that you are not tempted by another relationship or sex by any means. I guess that once the sexual routine is interrupted and a woman has a reason for not offering, she takes the easy way out. I find it strange that men have such difficulty talking about sex or anything intimate. Steven: For us talking never really solved any of the problems. In fairness it didnt help that I ended up wanting a sex life very different from what she wanted. Now I would say, even if we were having sex, we would be incompatible sexually. JANE: A lot of women think that way. I was devastated to find that intercourse is not arousing. I think my enjoyment of erotic fiction motivated me to be proactive in sex, even if only for my partner. I get my fun from masturbation. You must make the most of what you have! Steven: I enjoy my fantasies and masturbation. But however good it can be, it doesnt replace sex entirely for me. I think you are right. Women are disgusted by mens urges. Wanting anything more than intercourse seems to be saying to a woman that she and her body arent good enough. JANE (cont): It is difficult to accept that we are the product of evolution, which optimises reproduction rather than personal happiness. Men have evolved to respond sexually but they are emotionally remote. Women have evolved to respond emotionally but they are sexually unresponsive. Dedicated to womens enjoyment of sexual pleasure