Most men are tempted by any sexual opportunity. Some women say that sex is orgasmic but they do not initiate sex more than other women.[i]
The modern assertion that women are capable of rape indicates the lack of understanding of the nature of male sex drive and of intercourse as a mating act initiated by the male. Men do not enjoy being put under pressure. They want women to respond only when they offer intercourse.
A man is permanently programmed to be sexual. Nature ensures that a man can impregnate a woman at any time because men are physically stronger than women. But Nature’s reproductive aim (survival of offspring) is better achieved through mutual cooperation between the sexes.
Reproduction involves a natural balance. Women have the rewards of children to offset against the disadvantages of pregnancy and childbirth. Men have the rewards of responding to erotic stimulation to set against the disadvantages of the frustration that comes with having a sex drive.
Kinsey put the spotlight on orgasm, which he used as the indicator of ‘sexual responsiveness’. Confusion arises because we evaluate sexuality in terms of sociable activity rather than a person’s orgasmic capability.
For example, although we may acknowledge that men masturbate much more commonly and frequently than women do, we are not impressed by this fact. We assess a person’s responsiveness foremost according to what the outside world sees: the frequency (rather than the quality) of their interaction with others. We assume that a promiscuous person is sexual and that orgasm is their motivation for engaging in sexual activity.
No one uses the term ‘female sex drive’. The confusing term ‘sexual desire’ has been coined instead. When a woman says she feels ‘sexually desirable’ she doesn’t mean that she is close to orgasm. She may simply mean that she feels attractive to men and amenable to having intercourse.
Some sources suggest that a woman can increase her sexual desire by relaxing in a hot tub. Anyone may feel more ‘desirable’ (and be more desirable) if they have bathed. Sensual pleasuring may be more enjoyable if we are relaxed. But there is no mechanism that increases sex drive.
The ‘dysfunctions’ of men coming ‘too soon’ and women taking ‘too long’ arise because of mismatched sex drives. Female orgasm plays no role in relationships so couples struggle when a man has a high sex drive.
[i] Since the frequencies of masturbation depend primarily on the physiologic state and the volition of the female, they may provide a significant measure of the level of her interest in sexual activity. Heterosexual activities, on the other hand, are more often initiated by the male partner and, in consequence, they do not provide as good a measure of the female’s innate capacities and sexual interests. (p146 Kinsey 1953)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (2013)