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Women’s sexuality is not limited by orgasm

Female orgasm is not easy and to suggest otherwise trivialises the effort women’s partners make to arouse them. Women ‘respond’ to please a lover.[i] This does not make them doormats. The world simply would not function if women were as egotistical as it is suggested they should be.

Misconception #9: Contrary to the male experience, it is assumed that women can orgasm without the equivalent genital stimulation that men need. This misunderstanding probably arises because women are not sufficiently aroused with a lover for clitoral stimulation to make sense.

Women’s lack of responsiveness (the fact that women are not aroused by sexual activity or a lover’s body) provides women a much greater flexibility in terms of continuing sexual activity for longer than men can.

Orgasm defines the limit of men’s ability to engage in sexual activity. Women’s sexuality is admired because it does not have this limitation.

Ironically women make better lovers (they are also paid more often) because they themselves are not aroused. With the right incentives, women are able to put effort into providing turn-ons and stimulation for a lover because they are not distracted by the achievement of their own orgasm.

A woman can appreciate many aspects of sensual pleasuring because she has no need for genital stimulation (orgasm). Men would like to be able to continue sexual activity for as long as possible because intercourse, including the sensations of penetration and thrusting, is itself enjoyable.

Orgasm defines the end of sexual activity and is therefore often thought to be the goal of any sexual encounter. But perhaps it only appears to be so. As they age, even men can appreciate savouring sexual opportunities. They see the advantage in delaying orgasm to enjoy their own arousal.

In other words: there is more to sex than orgasm. Unfortunately men have been sold the fantasy of spontaneous female orgasm so effectively that they now cannot accept that women obtain pleasure from the sensual and emotional aspects of sex that occur before (or without) orgasm.

For those women who are aware of the difference, the disconnect between their orgasmic capability and their enjoyment of physical intimacy with a lover (once they have understood and accepted it) need not be the problem it first appears. Women engage in sexual activity at different times (either alone or with a lover) to enjoy different sensations.

[i] Whether or not she herself reaches orgasm, many a female finds satisfaction in knowing that her husband or other sexual partner has enjoyed the contact, and in realizing that she has contributed to the male’s pleasure. (p371 Kinsey 1953)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (2013)

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