The success of the G-spot myth is not solely due to men’s ignorance of the female anatomy involved in orgasm. Women who never learn how to stimulate themselves also prefer explanations for female orgasm that rely on male sex drive rather than on their own motivation to achieve orgasm.
A defining aspect of women’s sexuality[i] is their willingness to compensate for their lack of responsiveness by engaging in behaviours that are either consciously or subconsciously motivated. Even though she never has an orgasm, a woman behaves sexually by engaging in intercourse.
Women are naturally cooperative given their dependence on others. So women find ways of pleasing men and accommodating their desires.
Women assume a passive stance in sex, allowing men to provide not only the stimulation but also the passion they associate with lovemaking. Men stimulate the anatomy (breasts and vagina) that assists with their arousal. But this has nothing to do with how a woman achieves her own orgasm.
A woman has no need to orgasm with a lover but a man may need reassurance that she appreciates his performance and his sexual admiration.
To speed up male orgasm an experienced woman plays along with male fantasies, by exaggerating her arousal and faking orgasm. This ‘responsiveness’ as a lover has nothing to do with her own orgasmic ability.
Women’s success with faking is perhaps the biggest hoax of all time.
Many people are outraged by the suggestion that anyone might misrepresent women’s sexuality or exaggerate female responsiveness. Yet in other areas of adult life we tell untruths (or bend the truth) all the time.
Humans beings are often more concerned with impressing or influencing others than with any principle as prosaic as ‘the truth’. When our motives are well-intentioned (to demonstrate tact or diplomacy) such behaviour is considered to be compassionate or politically astute rather than deceitful.
Either there is something inexplicably wrong with half the women who volunteer their sexual histories or the other half mistake orgasm. Sexual responsiveness has nothing to do with specialised knowledge or techniques. Neither can lifelong sexual experiences be ‘dysfunctional’.
If intercourse was meant to be orgasmic, every woman would orgasm every time regardless of her lover’s attitude or his thrusting technique.
[i] … in considering the data for any heterosexual activity it is, therefore, important to distinguish between the female’s experience and her responses to orgasm. (p250-1 Kinsey 1953)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (2013)