We have appallingly bad sex information today because those who are reassured by mysticism far outnumber those swayed by facts or logic.[i]
You would think it was a crime to question the many contradictions in the modern portrayal of women’s sexuality. Anyone old enough to have sex thinks they already know it all. But we only learn if we have the humility to accept that we don’t already know all the answers. Sex will remain taboo until we challenge the politics that makes it so manipulative.
The idea that women should orgasm with a lover is so accepted now that it is almost impossible to suggest otherwise. Yet this is an assumption not a fact. Sadly few sources challenge our unrealistic expectations by explaining that orgasm is an optional pleasure some women choose to enjoy. No woman’s health or sexual well-being depends on being orgasmic.
In any other area of scientific study even theories must be supported by significant proof. Yet the G-spot (which has never been described as a theory) continues to be promoted despite widespread cynicism and contrary evidence. Instead of attempting to justify women’s responses to sexual activity initiated by men, research into female orgasm in particular needs to focus on sexual activity that women themselves initiate.
Men are inevitably better placed (than women) to understand explanations for how orgasm is achieved. But that does not mean that they accept the same facts and logic when applied to women’s responsiveness.
We need to differentiate between accounts of female orgasm provided as a turn-on and the logical reasoning that explains women’s responses.
Instead of cataloguing accounts of orgasm a scientific study of female sexuality should justify women’s behaviours. Researchers should establish women’s motivation to enjoy intimate time with their lovers, their appreciation of eroticism, their understanding of men’s desire to live out their fantasies and their willingness to explore a variety of sex play.
We need to differentiate between our emotional desire to justify our sexual instincts (due to reproductive urges) and the intellectual reasoning involved in explaining why men and women’s sexual behaviours differ.
There is a natural fear that information will adversely affect the balance of power in relationships. But this is not so. The facts and explanations simply document the behaviours and the dependencies that already exist.
[i] Human males throughout history and among all peoples have been most often concerned with the sexual activities of the female when those activities served the male’s own purposes, and her solitary and even homosexual activities have often been ignored. (p136 Kinsey 1953)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (2013)