Early in a relationship, a couple generally has the luxury of both privacy and time. Maintaining a close relationship is much harder than it might sound once a couple has children. In taking on responsibility for the family, a woman can place a lower priority on her relationship with her partner. Men on the other hand have a tendency to immerse themselves in career opportunities.
“Men are apt to define themselves by their work – a rather tragic state of affairs given the extraordinary amount of dull labour that is required to keep the world turning.” (p43 Bluffer’s Guide to Men)
Success in long-term relationships involves:
- Finding ways of resolving difficult topics;
- Showing appreciation and tolerance;
- Enjoying some pastimes together; and
- Putting some effort into keeping your sex life interesting.
Romance is associated with mutual admiration and sexual attraction. Romance often fades in long-term relationships because men stop having as much enjoyable sex as they would like and women stop feeling appreciated. Each partner needs to feel the respect and affection of the other, to feel supported in the role they play in the family and to gain from family life what they need emotionally.
“Didn’t kids used to play by themselves?” asks Hester Lacey. “… several of my friends seem to feel that grown-ups should be a constant entertainment… it’s exhausting and we don’t get to spend any time together as adults. In the US, the number of playing parents has reached epidemic proportions. … It’s all part of a guilty-good-Mom situation…” Independent newspaper Jan 4, 1998.
Making the most of sex
As young women we are flattered when a man finds us sexually attractive. We are happy to respond enthusiastically to his sexuality even if sex doesn’t produce the same miracles for us as it appears to for him. It’s often only with time and the emergence of other distractions (such as family life) that the difference in sexual motivation causes tension in a relationship.
“The most frequent reason men gave for having sex outside their marriages was sexual rejection by their wives, or the boring nature of repeated sex with the same person in marriage.” (p142 The Hite Reports)
We may wonder what sex has to do with family life but a man relates to his partner (and her family goals) through his sexual relationship. Men do not have the same cultural opportunity as women to share physical intimacy with close family or friends, but they do display a greater need for intimacy with a partner.
“Please remember my life is in your hands and woman hold me close to your heart…” by John Lennon.
Enjoying sex involves in the first place learning how to give ourselves physical pleasure. Later when we love another, we learn how to pleasure a partner and learn together with them ways in which we can enjoy them pleasuring us. If women learn how to get the most out of sex there will be positive repercussions for men hoping for a sex life lasting into middle age and beyond.
Visit www.WaysWomenOrgasm.org (also by Jane Thomas) to find information and discussion of how women can make the most of their sexual relationships.