Young people may find it hard to understand that they will ever want more from life than a career and a singles lifestyle. However most people do eventually find they want some stability and sense of social continuity in their lives. This process usually involves developing a long-term relationship and often raising a family.
At the appropriate time in life women tend to enjoy being personally involved in the work of building a home and raising children. Women also need to fill the gap left by men who are often much less motivated to devote their time and energy to home life.
This section discusses how modern families can provide good parenting while continuing to enjoy a full adult life:
- Doing your own thing: supporting each other in our personal ambitions (work and hobbies) and family life.
- Being there for your kids: ensuring that children do not miss out.
- Having fun together: enjoying each other’s company and continuing to have fun in bed.
Given that we live in a modern society that aims to offer women equal opportunities with men in education and the workplace, I had assumed that working parents had the full backing of society. Yet it is often suggested that working parents cannot raise their children adequately. Women’s new opportunities are sometimes presented as being ready and available for the taking. The reality is that each couple has to find their own way through the maze of childcare options and work challenges.
“There is no perfect solution to the home/work debate … Women are not only destined to bear children but, working or otherwise, they are expected to take on a greater burden than their partners in organising domestic and childcare arrangements.” Tina Gaudoin (Magazine editor) The Times newspaper Nov 9, 1998.
Replacing the housewife
Some women find that they cannot walk away from careers and a way of life they have known all their adult lives. If a woman is confident and driven enough she can continue to work towards her own personal ambitions as well as provide the best environment for her children. She accepts the juggling act of organising childcare and managing work commitments with the help of her partner so that she can ensure that her children do not miss out.
One reason that women find it hard to compete in the workplace is because the majority of men who have family are still supported by a full-time housewife in the home. If fathers were obliged to spend more time on family life, then mothers would be able to compete more fairly with men at work. Equally a man, whose wife works, feels hard done by because his work colleagues may have full domestic support.
I have often envied the life of the traditional man who works to support the family. He might spend all week earning money but when he comes home he feels entitled to be free of any domestic responsibilities. A woman rarely has this privilege even if she works full-time. Ultimately anyone (male or female) who wants to dedicate themself wholeheartedly to a demanding career would choose not to have family, because it would be accepted that anyone who has children (or a long-term relationship) needs to be prepared to invest effort in maintaining family life.
“The apparent underachievement by women… is about the way in which a woman can feel disadvantaged in an educational or work environment set up to meet the needs of men.” Dr Dorothy Rowe (Psychologist and author) The Times newspaper Jan 5, 1998.