Young people today have the impression that the world is modern and equal because it generally appears to be so until they have children. It is only when we start a family that we appreciate the huge gap that still exists in attitudes towards parents according to their gender.
This section discusses:
- Women as parents: overcoming traditional roles and expectations.
- Men as parents: giving men the opportunity to take part in family life.
- Co-operating over family: finding a new compromise between the adult world and the family.
A woman is inextricably committed to being personally involved in the early development of the foetus (through pregnancy) and the baby (through breast-feeding). However if women were only held responsible for this much, the burden would not be too great. The real burden is the continuing parental support required to raise a child to adulthood. So childcare, children’s social development, children’s health and education are all considered to be ‘women’s issues’. In reality, these topics are not just women’s issues. Men also stand to gain from being more involved in family life.
“Men love children, but they do not share many women’s delight at every primitive offering from the mewling, puking babe.” (p37, Bluffer’s Guide to Men)
Men do not have the same need to direct family life
When women work they also have to continue doing much of the work they do as a housewife. The house cleaning, laundry and family meals still have to be organised and done by someone. The whole juggling act becomes impossible if you do not have the co-operation of a partner. Some men are unwilling to help and others have jobs where they are simply unavailable.
The flip side is that many women, even those who work, prefer to have control over key areas of family life. Some women are only confident of being able to do the best for their children by providing daily care themselves. Men are usually happy to go along with whatever their partner wants for family given that they tend to be less personally driven by such concerns.
It is likely to remain difficult for a man with a partner at home to take an equal interest in his children because the woman inevitably has a more prominent role in home life. A man in his fifties told me what a relief it was for him to go to work. He admitted that in the home environment his wife was mistress of the majority of decisions and somehow always appeared to have the upper hand. Work was his refuge where he felt his opinion mattered and where he could make a difference.
“Sadly, for most men work usually takes precedence over the family.” (p44 Bluffer’s Guide to Men)